01:06 AM:
12:25 AM - 03:46 AM: chat with Laurel - during a lot of this chat I was on the phone with Michael (then texted, then phone, then texted more) and I got him to remember this guy and give me details which I then gave to Laurel. After the first call in which Michael admitted taking Laurel to a hotel room I called him back with the idea to look on his credit account to see what day he got the hotel since we knew the general time - turned out it was August 11, 2009 - less than 24 hours before my 35th birthday, and less than a week after we went to Cedar Point:
The credit report:
The 03:20 AM - 04:06 AM texts
03:20 AM:
Michael texts me: "Hey i know you need all this. I t just hurts alot when i remember this stuff and how much i hurt you. I love you so much and am scared i am going to lose you. But i need to disappear for a while. I dont want to but i hate myself so much right now. I put you through much. Please know i am sorry and i love you."
03:23 AM:
Me: "Please don't abandon me. That might be the one thing I couldn't forgive you for."
03:26 AM:
Michael: "Not abandoning you at all. I want to be with you always. I just need to heal and you as well. I am just not sure what to do anymore."
03:31 AM:
Me: "The very thing we've been doing is what what I need. If you 'disappear' I won't have anything to hold on to to keep me sane. I know this is hard. I know it's painful. But what did you expect? I love you...but I can't pretend the past didn't happen. And if you leave me to face it all alone... I can't promise I'll be in one piece when you get back."
03:35 AM:
Michael: "Okay i just dont want to hurt you anymore. I could not handle that. And your never alone you will always have me."
03:37 AM:
Me: "The truth will only hurt me for a short time... Not knowing would hurt me forever."
03:38 AM:
Michael: "Okay i love you boyfriend"
03:44 AM:
Me: "This doesn't mean that I will likely forget that you fucked a guy the day before my birthday. I don't thill I'll ever celebrate that day ever again. There's just too much pain tied into that day for me. But there will be other happy days."
03:46 AM:
Michael: "See i am just screwing up your life"
03:48 AM:
Me: "Um...how is you being around and loving me screwing up my life? You've changed. I believe that. We will have many wonderful times. And they will balance out the bad."
03:50 AM:
Michael: "But your birthday the one day that is truely your special day i destroyed that for you. How can i live with that?"
03:53 AM:
Me: "It had been destroyed many times over; this was merely the last straw. You fucked me on my birthday. You gave ma party with presents and decorations but I know now that all I want in the future is a faithful partner."
03:56 AM:
Michael: "You have one now i promise and the best life i can give you"
03:58 AM:
Me: "I believe you. I'm giving away all the birthday gifts you gave me. It hurts me to look at them knowing the truth."
03:59 AM:
Michael: "Please dont. They still came from my heart. I love you"
04:06 AM:
Michael: "I am so sorry for everything. God i am so sorry. Please dont hate me."
And then a long phone call. I told him I could never hate him, but that I couldn't keep birthday presents from someone who'd spent $43.87 to fuck a boy 9 years younger than me the day before my birthday.
03:26 PM: Ben contacted me shortly before this on some random chat thing that I couldn't save and said that he didn't get the e-mail I sent him on Yahoo; I resent it from my own e-mail account:
06:24 PM: Ben responds:
08:02 PM:
Michael Text: "I love you so much can not wait to be able to cuddle with you like normal again"
Shortly before 08:17 PM: Sent a friend request to Ben's Facebook page:
08:17 PM - 08:38 PM: Yahoo Chat with Benjamin:
09:33 PM:
Michael Text: "I have the house to myself until thursday it is an awesome feeling even though i have to work everyday. I love you"
09:37 PM:
Me: "I love you too. I hope the space allows you to relax...but that you don't get lonely and ring up any boys (besides me)."
09:39 PM:
Michael: "Only you forever"
09:43 PM:
Me: "I hope so. Love you. I hate feeling so weak from all the surgery stuff."
10:24 PM - 11:13 PM: I started a chat with another guy from Michael's chat list - this guy he fucked in July:
Johnnie's Manhunt Profile:
11:34 - PM: I started a chat with "Dan" from Michael's Yahoo list; they never hooked up though:
Dan's Manhunt Profile:
And I really did recognize two of his pictures from gay.com:
