Monday, June 20, 2005

I talked with Patrick on AIM; he said he was confused and thought that I was supposed to call him. He didn't get his kittens; apparently they died before he could get them from the woman who was selling them. He said he was really sorry for not calling and I told him I was working from 7pm-12am - and that since he lives right by where I work he could stop by if he liked. He said that he was about to suggest the same thing and that he would definitely be there.

He wasn't. I didn't take my lunch tonight because I thought it might be nice to take it with him. I told Ben that Patrick would be there, so when he didn't show I felt kind of humiliated. When we got everything done in the store, and Ben offered to let me leave an hour early, I stayed because I knew Patrick would be swinging by. Only he didn't. I called his house around 11:30pm to check to see if he was still coming over but I got his machine & didn't leave a message; I assumed he was on his way over. I checked my messages to see if he had left me one, but I didn't have any. After the store closed I called his house again but there was still no answer and I still didn't leave a message; I thought maybe he had some kind of emergency; figured it probably wasn't that big a deal.

After I left work, I thought I'd stop by the Aut Bar, because this cute little lesbian I met there a few weeks ago said that she worked on Sunday nights; she was there and I said hello. Ian & Redcloud were both there too - and they were talking to Patrick, who said he figured he would see me there. My being there was so random. I couldn't believe he was sitting there, and not asleep at home, or doing something that would have kept him from coming to see me.

I'm a little hurt, and a lot disappointed. And he admitted that it was his fault that he didn't stop by; like it could be anybody else's fault? But he said it like he wanted some kind of reward about being upfront about it. Whatever. He gives really good hugs, and when I went to see him at the Aut bar the other night I had a really good time. Now...it's spoiled. It wouldn't have taken much to give me a call and let me know he wasn't coming. Or to stop by for just a quick visit. Or to not tell me that he would definitely be there, but that he would just try to be there. I slipped out when he was looking the other way - I just - it was too much.

I've been through this shit so many times now; I don't want to be the unforgiving sort, but I don't want to keep opening myself up to the same people just to get smacked down, you know? I don't know what tonight will mean in the grand scheme of things, but for now...it just sucks.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:35 AM
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