Thursday, August 7, 2008

I had a horrible, horrible day at work yesterday. It turns out, that the reason that I've not been scheduled in 25 days, and the reason I have no money to keep the bicycle that I loved, and have no money to throw my now-annual birthday party, is because my boss didn't want to upset me, by confronting me with the news that people had complained that though they love me, they don't want to work with me, because I call off all the time!?! Now, the complaints don't bother me, because they're understandable (as were my reasons for calling in, which a whole slew of doctors can back me up on) - what bothers me, is that instead of dealing with this issue by talking to me, which would have been all it required as I've now been properly diagnosed, and have medication to deal with my issues...he chose to just let me go, for a month. And that has raised all kinds of questions, as to what people knew when they talked to me...but I've spoken to several of them by now, and it seems obvious that none of them knew why I hadn't been scheduled - they just assumed that DJ had talked to me, and that I quit, or was let go. And that raises other uncomfortable questions... Would DJ have ever scheduled me again? He didn't schedule me this week; I had to go in, and talk to someone, who then offered to give me some shifts, and this was not DJ's decision. I tried asking him this, and he avoided the question. Also, if I wasn't given my miracle drug that tires me out while keeping most of my food down, would I have been fired? I simply don't know, but the idea of being fired from a job that I've almost always loved, and then finding a cure for my ills...well, sickens me. The whole day was a headache of overwhelming what-ifs that filled my brain non-stop. I cried a lot. I wanted to quit. I felt, almost like I'd been lied to for a month. I made my peace with Bryan, who told me his side, and how he'd backed me up with DJ...but DJ always avoids confrontations, but I'm his friend, and his coworker of 6 years - if he can't talk to me about important stuff... The whole thing just boggles my mind.

So that was work, which sucked. It was nice to see people again, but then it was also terrible. I didn't quit. I told DJ how I was feeling, and why, and I cried, and he cried, and hugged me and told me he loves me, and everyone loves me, and that it wasn't personal...and most of that feeling weird is gone...I just don't understand why I was off doing nothing for a month, while the money I was counting on to supply me with a happy birthday party, and to support my decision of a bicycle went away without a 2nd thought. It pisses me off.

I haven't spoken to Michael yet. I'm actually looking forward to it. I really miss him. I feel like I haven't really spoken to him in AGES. I haven't talked to Jordan so I don't know what's going on there, though he texted me about wanting to hang out, so that's just a matter of time, but that part still confuses the hell out of me. I asked Patrick if he wanted to see "The Dark Knight" with me, but he's already seen it twice, and he told me that he talks all during movies, which annoys me. Also...he seemed slightly cold on the phone, though he did warm up a bit later. I think he's mad at me...or maybe realized that I'm not worth bothering with, which would be fine actually. Except that I think he's cute, and fun and... blah blah blah. I'm such a girl sometimes.

I'm enjoying the Dune book. And before Mollie comments about how much DUNE sucks, the book I'm reading takes place thousands of years before the original Dune, and the books are better than the movies...though the David Lynch one still has some amazingly iconic moments...that still hold me in their sway, though the film itself has seen better days - which is still better than that fracking bad school play version that Sci Fi made. I liked Children of Dune though. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:08 AM
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