Sunday, November 23, 2008

I miss my job. Whenever I used to feel conflicted about anything, and I had a shift to work, it distracted me from any problems I had, and helped me work through them. But all I really know how to do is retail. I can't stand Kmart & Wal*Mart. I've worked at Meijer and Target. I was thinking of applying at Target but that seems depressing all on it's own. I mean, I started working there in November of 1993. And here I am in November or 2008 and 15 years have passed and Target still seems like an acceptable job? Does that say something about me? Have I not accomplished anything?

I know that it isn't that simple. That nobody is the same, and everyone has to go their own way. And I've had real medical problems that have held me back...and that I'm lucky to have survived at all, considering that large numbers of my friends were dead and buried before I even had a job. It's just...frustrating me today.

I feel like a failure.

I tried to talk to Mark about this. I pointed out that the condo is his. The car is really his. Everything is really his. I don't really have anything; not really. I mean I own stuff, but what have I accomplished. Mark doesn't feel he's accomplished much, but he has 2 real jobs and I've never even had 1. The only 1 that I had that I loved involved me telling people what movies to rent. But Mark said that everything he's accomplished has been at least partially because I was there to help him, and I can believe that. I just wish I had something that was mine.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:07 PM
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