Friday, August 19, 2005

Yesterday was Hellish. I finally fell asleep around 4am. I woke up at 7am, with horrible acid buildup. I didn't have any Tums or anything, so I just sat up, and organized some stuff on my computer to distract me from the pain. I listened to Mark get up and get ready, and leave for work. I tried to get some more sleep. No luck. I started getting ready for work. I shaved my head, but not my face. When I'm tired, or cranky, or in a bad mood, I often don't shave - it's like my way of letting the world know that something's off kilter. Only I tend to get compliments on it. lol

I thought I had a clean workshirt in my closet. I could have sworn that we were getting new work shirts in a while back, but of course we didn't. I had taken all my dvds off their shelf the other day in preperation of getting the new shelf (which I still don't have), but I had stacked them in front of my closet, so I had to move them all just to get the closet open a bit, only to find that I didn't have a clean shirt for work. I was un-thrilled.

I was so tired, my eyes felt like they were on fire. I considered wearing my sunglasses at work, but on the way to work I realized they didn't really help. I stopped at Kroger on the way there and got some more Tums. When I did get in to work, DJ was there, in good spirits, which is always nice, and we talked about Mark's party. I told him about my acidy condition, and my sleeplessness. My stomack was a bit upset, but I was determined to make it through the day. I had briefly considered calling in to work, but I felt that my shift was so short that it wouldn't make much of a difference - but Mark had told me he needed to go to the bank & post office after work, which I was really not looking forward to - I just wanted to sleep.

DJ wanted me to take back some bottles to Kroger so he could use the refund money to pay for Inventory Night Pizza - Inventory is tonight. DJ asked Nate to empty the old refridgerator stuff, including 4 bottles of Sierra Mist, which I had kept in there for myself. I actually could have rescued them, but I thought that Nate had already started dumping them, and I was too bitter, and sleep deprived to try to fight it. You know how it is, when you're really exhausted, and even when things annoy you, you just don't have the energy to express it? That's what it was like. But it continued to annoy me later, because I had paid for all of that soda, and they were dumping it, to get .40, to use for a pizza that I would never even see, as I'm not working inventory. Erg.

I took the bottles back myself, and went to Little Caesars on my way back, per my agreement with Nate so I could get my food, and punch out when I got back to work, instead of punching out before going to get my food (which takes a lot longer now with all the construction going on around the store). I told the people at Caesars exactly how I wanted my pizza. They fucked it up. They asked me if the pizza was ok, and I just...didn't have the energy to argue with them, and I was on the clock, and I said it was fine, and bought the pizza, which when I finally got it back to the store, was so undercooked there was no way I was putting it in my body. And I was SOOOO Hungry at this point.

I had rented the Ring Two, which I thought I would watch on my break, but the TV stopped working for the last person who went on break (Scott), who didn't report it, at least to me. I finally thought I would just sit with my head down, but Scott was in the back office yapping on the phone - loudly - and I couldn't even relax. It was too much. I called Mark, and told him everything that had happened and how much I wanted to go home, and he said that would be fine, and that he could get a ride home. I talked to Nate and told him I wanted to go home. I think I was a little snippy with him, but things just kept flying out of my mouth - I just wanted out of there.

I went home, got ready for bed, and I watched The Ring Two, which lacked the really great look of the first film, which kind of killed the sequel for me. Things that looked cool in the first one because of the way it was directed, mixed with the production, looked pretty silly when directed differently. I hope they don't make another sequel. The original film actually had a scene that opened the film, and another that closed the film - completely, which were removed. They should just restore them, and forget this one was made. The 2nd Ring has a few moments where you can see how it could have been great - but their only moments, and the movie never really feels like more than a lame effort at greatness.

I watched Harry & Max, which had arrived in the mail (finally) that day. I ordered it months before. I mostly liked this one, but felt that the film needed something more - and I'm pretty sure what it needed was at least one more draft of the shooting script - so of it came off as real, and other parts just seemed forced, and weird. But I enjoyed it.

Finally I got some sleep, but again it was only for a few hours. Mollie called while I dressed and drove to Borders. Mollie may have outed herself to one of her coworkers, which bothers her because this guy is a great friend to her at work, but he really thinks homosexuality is wrong. Mollie isn't afraid of people knowing she's bi; in fact I don't think I've ever heard her deny it or pretend that she wasn't, which is one of the reasons why I love her. But she's never really encountered someone who drifted away from her because of her sexuality, which makes her seem younger to me somehow. I mean, people have drifted away from me (and been outright violent towards me) because of their beliefs about my sexuality - and that started when I was just a kid, so I'm so...it's just nothing new to me. It's interesting seeing Mollie go through it; not because I feel she should have to, but because it's a different perspective on the whole thing. I like hearing her stories about this guy at work, and I hope this doesn't last too long and the boy comes to his senses, and realizes that Mollie kicks ass. Mollie rocks my socks!

I spent about $100.00 on books at Borders. I got 2 more books about talking to children about sexuality, that feature references to homo & bi sexuality: "It's Amazing: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families" written by Robie H. Harris & illustrated by Michael Emberley, and "Understanding The Facts OF Life" by Susan Meredith & Robyn Gee. I also picked up "Why Marriage Matters" by Evan Wolfson, "The Case For Gay Rights" by David A. J. Richards, "50 Ways To Support Lesbian & Gay Equality" by Meredith Maran with Angela Watrous, "The Gay Man's Kama Sutra" by Terry Sanderson, and finally, an extremely cute book that I can completely relate to called "When I Knew" which features all sorts of When I Knew I Was Gay stories.

Mollie & I later made some tentative plans to watch Return of The King with Karen tonight, and I went home, took some painkiller for the horrible headache I was getting, and I tried to get some sleep. It didn't work at first, but eventually I got to bed, and ended up getting about 7 hours, which is far more than I've had in ages.

I had a dream that my family and I were in a city watching Prsident Bush (asshole) give a speech about how we had a stockpile of Nuclear Weapons, and he was basically threatening other nations with them, and put on a demonstration; firing some of the rockets, which backfired and crashed near us, as we all dove for cover. Somehow my family was still unconvinced that the man was evil. Later we were hiding out in a factory, and we found the new quarters which hadn't been released yet. My older sister collects money and stuff, and when we looked at the new quarters they had a triangle on them, and said Homosexuals Belong Death Camps - which finally convinced my sister. We started a rebellion. And the dream devolved into a kind of us vs. them war story.

I woke up a couple of times at night, but I always tried to get back to sleep right away. I wasn't acidy. I barely ate yesterday, and I made sure I took my meds an hour early, and then took an extra one right before I went to sleep. I work today from 1pm - 5:30pm. I'm sure it will go better today. I almost feel like going back to sleep, but I should probably get things ready so I'll be ready later.

I've been putting my slash/fan art in order lately. I'm really quite impressed with my collection. I hope that I someday find a forum to share it with others.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:03 AM
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