Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My Doctor's appointment didn't go as expected. What I expected was that they'd find something in my latest sample; give me a new round of meds, and I'd be cured by the end of the week. I seriously thought that's what would happen. And I had reasons to hope for that. I was told I had a UTI and everyone I spoke to who'd had them in the past said the meds usually work fast. Only according to my doctor who has seen my samples from the hospital and one I gave at the office, there's no sign that I ever had a UTI!?! He explained that I was given a catheter during my surgery and it more than likely irritated my bladder / urethra. This was nightmarish to hear, as I have a fear of catheters. In fact, when they kept me at the hospital overnight and I had trouble urinating, I struggled so hard because I feared they might give me one. Now I learn about having a catheter, which makes me feel violated. I mean, it wasn't mentioned before the surgery...and it wasn't mentioned as a possible cause of my problems afterwards. Instead they fed me this UTI story, which makes me think they may have messed up the catheter and were hoping to throw me off... Or maybe I'm paranoid. I don't know. But they told me I have a UTI so I've been drinking all this fluid and passing it though it hurts like hell, as I was hoping that it would solve the problem - only it won't - so all that suffering was for nothing!?! I'm so angry about this. So disappointed. So hurt. And the easy fix I thought I was going to get has turned out to be "TIME" - I have to just ride this out until I've healed. I think my doctor implied that it should be better in about a week. Still. I'm suffering and this wasn't handled well at all.

The doc perscribed some pills that are basicaly the uristat / AZO pills I was taking before but at a higher dose. Hopefully they take the edge off the pain. I was about to get those filled at Rite Aid when Michael called and we talked for awhile. It was so great to hear his voice, but it was hard to concentrate on anything with the pain and the emotions ripping through me. I love him so much.

After we got the drugs we went to LC where I risked getting some Crazy Bread. Came home. Mark was gonna eat here but I was feeling hypersensitive at this point and didn't want to see or talk to anyone - he was supercool about it and headed to work. I ate. I watched Desperate Housewives (it's getting better).

When it was done I texted Michael to tell him I loved him. He didn't respond as he often does so I called but there was no answer. He's probably sleeping or something. But there's this little voice in the back of my head that says he's probably screwing some other guy right now. I don't really think he is...yet...he was before and I believed him. I obviously have a long way to go before I can trust him completely, but that's to be expected. Hopefully he is being honest with me and he does win my trust...because I'd hate to have lost all that.

I'm suddenly VERY tired.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:20 PM
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