Thursday, October 8, 2009

I slept about 20 minutes but the phone woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep. I was gonna try the baking soda / water cure that Michael had told me about but then I couldn't find any baking soda. I figured I'd wait for Mark to get home, but he didn't come home. I called but he didn't answer. I used the bathroom and cried some more. Pissing and crying have became a ritual of late. I called again but he's at the arcade with his friend. I'm happy that he's having a good time; he very seldom gets to hang out with anybody, and he's had such a hard time lately. I'm just frustrated cause I'm sitting here and I feel like I'm not doing anything to help what's happening to me. I'm scared. What if I do have an infection and my lack of action allows it to spread to my kidneys? I'm in SO MUCH PAIN. I can't believe or express the amount of pain I'm in and while I have people that love and care about me, nobody has any answers and I just want some fucking straight answers and a plan on how to get this pain out of my body... I'm tired and exhausted and desperate.

I haven't had much to eat today, but I had 2 Boosts so I think I'm ok. I had some Pringles. Mark got me some muffins but I find the idea of eating them repulsive, though I loved them only days ago. I think perhaps this is because I associate them with the hospital and what I've experienced since then.

In about 4 hours it will have been 1 week since my stomach started hurting more than any other time in my life. In about 5 hours it will be 1 week since I went to the hospital by ambulance. In about 24 hours it will be 1 week that I've been living with this horrible pain in my bladder / penis. If it weren't for the heavy pain killer they'd given me I'd probably be dead now.

A week is too long to go without answers for that kind of pain. I need solid answers and a real solution to this before I lose my fucking mind.

I just don't know what to do until I get that.

I'm thinking of having Mark go to the Doc's office in the morning and get a urine sample vial to bring home to me so I don't have to go myself. Or is that crazy? I don't know anymore. I'm starting to lose it, I think.

The blog is helping I think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:02 AM
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