Saturday, January 23, 2010

I slept for about 4 hours before getting a text from Michael at 6:36am:

"Morning. I am so sorry. I messed up. I do want to be yours. I miss you so much. But I know right now we can't be in a relationship because I messed up. I hope one day we will be again. I love you."

I texted him back:

"I love you too. With all my heart."

He replied:

"I know you do honey. I am sorry that I fucked up. Maybe one day we can be together again as boyfriends. Take care."

I didn't respond. I tried to go back to sleep for about 20 minutes, thinking about everything. About how much I love him, but can't trust him, but want him to find happiness and to know his own worth, and find it within himself to love his life. And then I called him. We talked. I encouraged him to get back to his art; to find a creative outlet, but he says he doesn't have time or money right now, which I'd say is an excuse, but I know it's true. He's in a horrible bind. He feels trapped and I wish there was something I could do for him, but I don't see how there is right now. Perhaps the answer will come to me in time.

When I got off the phone with him I watched the televised version of the pilot to Caprica. They, surprisingly, did not take out all the lesbianism, though they took out some of the violence, and all of the nudity. It's still a very thoughtful, almost peaceful, beautiful beginning to the Caprica / BSG saga - which ends brilliantly. I look forward to seeing 1x02 next week!

Mark got Spartacus I think. I'll have to watch that later. I should watch some LOST too so I can talk to Michael aboout it. I might eat...or shower...or work on the collage in my room. I don't know what today will bring.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:04 AM
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