Sunday, January 24, 2010

Watched the first 1.5 episodes of Season 3 of LOST last night. Later spoke to Michael through texts and then on phone. He invited me over for sex, but I turned him down. It's not that I don't want to; it's that I don't think it's the smart thing to do. He told me I could come over anytime I wanted if I changed my mind that night. I slept for about 6 hours.

I woke up around 8am. I eventually decided I would visit Michael, though I felt weird knowing that he'd be hooking up with Joseph tomorrow, and that he'd had Phil go down on him in his bedroom already. Weird because the whole point of that apartment was that it was just going to have a Jason / Michael sexual history. I was really getting upset about all that and then on the way there I just let it all go. The apartment doesn't matter; it's just a place. Our sexual health is important, but our sexual history and partners (at least now that we're not a couple) aren't important. What matters is that we be honest with each other and treat each other with respect.

It was great to see him again. We cuddled and laughed (there was some nakedness and sexual relaxation, but nothing that felt like I was crossing any lines that I'd set for myself) and we spoke of our feelings and we agree this is a necessary step on our path, wherever it's going. And for the first time since we broke up, though I was being held in his arms, I felt single. I felt ok about being single because I felt that I wasn't going to lose him. And that freed me from a lot of the worry and sadness of the last few days. This breakup, be it forever or not, is a GOOD THING. I just have to make sure I take advantage of this time to sort out my own shit, and pray that Michael does the same.

I came home and ate. I had some apple slices, which I thought would be ok with my jaw, but my jaw is super worn out now. :-(

I'm very tired and think I might take a nap. I have to harvest my farmtown around 4:30 I think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:50 PM
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