Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Just had a strange and disconcerting chat with an 'old friend'. I may have to write a long entry about this later and why it was disconcerting. It's something that rather intense and I'm not sure how well I come off in it...though my friend Paul once told me that he thought I was amazing in my response to the situation...so maybe I am. But a whole FUCKED UP kind of amazing. FUCKED UP. That's what the last 10 months have been. There's been joy and pleasure and fun and games but there's been game playing and charades and lies and secrets...and that shit has to stop or the roles need to be changed or I'm just not gonna survive. I played my part for several reasons...exploring limits and sexual permutations that I'd only dreamt of previously...yet it's left me feeling uncertain without many conclusions. It may take me years to process all that's happened. Was it worth it? Some of it was, I think. I think it wasn't the healthiest choice, yet I gained much for my sorrow and pain.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:08 PM
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