Tuesday, July 4, 2006

I've decided not to post the sordid details of Saturday night/Sunday morning. Given the number of people whom I know actually read my blog, it seems tacky to shell out all that shit, even if it might help me in the short term. I have other outlets, after all.

But the gist of it is, that Jeremy and I are no longer "dating". We care about each other and we will hopefully be great friends. That sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I'm not even sure all that much will change, at least I hope that it won't. I'm kind of torn up about the whole thing, even though it was my idea. I think it was the right decision, and yet, I really... And I'm going on about it again, aren't I?

Sunday night at Hollywood was beyond busy. I was in no mood for shit, and took none. I also may have stretched the dress code a bit, but it was better than calling in, which I considered, as my stomach was stressed beyond the point of common sense - I just didn't want to make things worse for my coworkers, and I just bit the bullet and went into work.

Chad stopped by to rent some dvds. I was just going on my break so I went in sat in his truck for awhile. I'm not sure what we talked about; I was pretty out of it. I went inside and watched some DS9; not daring to eat anything for fear of the consequences. The customers only got more annoying as the night dragged on. Andrea left around 10pm, and Nate was a real trooper. We talked about some stuff that I needed to talk about, so I'm really glad he was there.

After work I came home, and took a nap on my bed, with my clothes on. Later, I washed my sheets and pillow cases. I slept without them as they were in the dryer when I went to bed. I wrote poetry, and worked on some artwork, before bed. I felt numb, and was nearly grateful for it. I can't really express to you enough how disoriented I was starting Saturday night, and well into Monday.

When I was finally crawling out of bed on Monday it was about 4pm. I felt more centered than I expected to. I got some more writing done, and made some real progress on Jeremy's cd, which I've been working on, and he now knows about so I can talk about it here. One of the songs that I didn't think I could use, looks like it will probably be the first track on the cd - and it pretty much rocks. I have some idea about how and why the cd will end. I have 3 or 4 songs that are perfect for it, and others that are required, and still more that just feel good. It could could be fantastic, if a bit intense, but that's kind of groovy. He had told me that I could scan some pictures of him when he was younger, which I think would be great for the cover, but I don't know if he'll avoid me now, or something. I don't think he will, but one never knows.

Chad just called me. He just got home from Aut Bar, and he wants me to come over, to hang out and talk. I hope that doesn't mean sex, because I'm so not up for it tonight. I actually just got out of the shower before this, after just jacking off, which felt great, but...why am I typing this? Anyways, he wants to hang out. I kind of want to go, because I feel like I've been treating him poorly. And I kind of want to stay home, as I was going to really clean my room. I'd already started, with the sheets, and now my comforter. I also wanted to see if I could get some artwork done for the poetry that's building up in my 2006 section... I'm also kind of tired. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a breather and go hang out with Chad for a little while.

But I confess, when the phone rang, that I hoped it was Jeremy.

On a quick side note, the night of July 3 & morning of July 4 marks the 5 year anniversary of the first time I met Travis Kelley in person, and we began dating. It's also been a couple of years since I got a truly amazing blowjob from a George W. Bush lover who (I'm not kidding) wants to get fucked by the president. I never went back for seconds, because even though the pleasure was beyond my expectations, I was afraid of what I might say, if we actually had a conversation.

Alright. I need to get dressed.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:16 AM
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