Monday, September 4, 2006

The last week has gone by in a blur. Some of that has to do with my surgery on Thursday. Apparently they did find something; there's a "kink in my Z track". They told me this when I'd come out of the induced sleep, but I don't remember it at all. There's a lot that I don't remember from that time that Mark had to explain to me. That's a first. I still felt a little weird on Friday, though I told everyone I felt fine. I didn't feel like I was lying; I just wanted everyone to know that I would be ok.

I went to Necto Friday night. I managed to have a pretty good time. I got to see Robert; who has already moved to Chicago; he's only working at Necto for 3 more weeks, or something like that. It sucks. I'm sure it will be great for him, but I'll miss him. Franklin was there with his boyfriend Martin, who seems nice. Bill was there, but I only saw him for a second in which he said hello, kissed me, and then ran away. Jeremy was there with some boys he went to high school with; I think their names were Michael and Caleb. If I have the names right, then Michael is really hot. Jeremy is supposedly having a threesome with Michael and his girlfriend; color me jealous. lol I saw lots of people that night, and met other ("Shay" for one); oh and Anthony was there, who I met at Club Divine the same night I met Justin House. Fun was had by...well, me at least. It was the white party, so stood out. People want me to wear white for the black party, which is this coming Friday, but not only do I not have much white to wear, I've also learned that they now have goth music in the blue room on gay night, so I don't know that I want to wear white. lol

About Jeremy. We have the strangest friendship that I've ever had with anyone. Really. I actually pushed him into the arms of this guy that Jeremy likes, and I wasn't jealous. At all. I was just happy for him. And this is a guy that I love, and still have great sex with. I think he's the first guy, besides Mark that I've had this level of love with; the unrestrained kind... I don't know how to describe it. It's very intense, but very...new. And it doesn't hurt me. I like it. And yet, if he wanted to be a couple with me, just us, I'd be fine with that too. It's very strange.

Saturday. I don't know what I did Saturday, except that I stopped by the Aut Bar, and I saw Big Tony. Jeremy slept with him years ago. We're all connected, and it's kind of cool, but kind of annoying at the same time. "Six Degrees..." I don't know if Tony was trying to be annoying, or if he just couldn't help it...or if I was just overly sensitive. I realized though that I didn't want to be around people and went home, and watched a ton of Will & Grace.

I've been reading Brightly Burning by Mercedes Lackey. I read the book once before, when it was new, and didn't really enjoy it very much. I think part of that was because the dust jacket that described the story gave away the plot for the first 120 pages or so, and so those pages seemed never-ending. I'm enjoying it much more now that I'm back to reading the series in chronological order.

Another thing about the first time I read Brightly Burning, it was actually on this exact weekend, 6 years ago. Mollie, Adam, Carrie & I were supposed to go to a cabin up North for the holiday weekend, but Adam's car was fucked up (which he failed to mention to us) and the tire went out on the way there. I had AAA, and I had them tow the car to Frankenmuth, which most of us remembered enjoying as children, but no one could fix the car as it was a holiday weekend, and all the shops were closed. We got a hotel; I didn't have any cash with me, but I used my AAA card to get us a discount, so (including the car towing for free) everyone felt I paid more than my share. The town turned out to suck beyond the telling of it. Filled with tales about how the Christians who came there forced out the Native Americans who didn't believe in their god. My Mom & Step-Father were there that weekend as well (they always go there this weekend for their anniversary), but I never ran into them. We mostly stayed in our hotel that weekend, enjoying the indoor hot tub and pool. And I read this entire book that weekend. 6 Years. Crazy.

5 years ago, I was reading the Lord Of The Rings in preparation for the first of the films, which I saw opening day with Mark Adams (for our anniversary) on December 19. I was also trying to deal with the fact that I was losing Travis Kelley. Who was leaving to join the military; all this about a week before September 11, 2001. I was also dealing with my acid reflux which took a turn for the worse August 13, 2001, and never really took a turn for the better after that, leading to the surgery I had this past week.

4 years ago, I was wrapped in all things Hollywood Video. That probably sounds lame, but it was a fun time for me. Don't ask.

3 years ago, I was dealing with the "death" of Shawn Foreman. It was an emotional time, which erupted into near madness when I had 3 sexual encounters within weeks of each other, with 3 ex-boyfriends, and all with after shocks that I couldn't have forseen, or imagined.

2 years ago, I was lost. I was just confused about so much, and out of sorts. Kevin Clark was alive, but just barely. I wasn't writing, and hadn't been for somet time; not really. If I'm not writing, I'm usually processing a lot; sometimes too much, with little release. I can lose myself that way, and I'm pretty sure I did that at this time 2 years ago. It didn't seem dark at the time, but in retrospect I'm amazed I wasn't more depressed. I think that I was needed by so many people at the time, that I didn't have time to think of myself.

Last year at this time, I was filled with dread concerning Hurricane Katrina and the horror of seeing it play out on television and the news without really being a part of it. It was very odd. Extremely odd. And disquieting.

This year I think I'm better off for the most part.

Sunday, Mark got me my new desk (for like $40.00); ripped apart the old one, and put the ne one together. I like change. We're trying to figure out ways to make the condo more spacious for the party on Saturday. I talked to Jennifer and she's going to be there for sure. She's going to remind Tracy, invite Autumn, and try to find out what's going on with Elvis. That leaves me with tons of people that I should call/contact this week and find out if they can come to the party. There are so many people that I would like to be there.

With all the moving stuff, and thinking about moving other stuff, I lost track of time, and I was an hour late for work! Part of me feels terrible about that, but part of me is grateful, because we were so busy, that I got slightly stressed, and I'm glad I didn't have to be there for the whole thing. I skipped my break, so I was only a half hour less than what I was scheduled, but since everyone was ok, I guess it turned out ok. I closed with Matt, and I worked with Kyle and Joe for a bit. Matt says he'll be at the party for sure, and says that even though Heidi is closing, that he'll make sure she gets to the party (as if she wouldn't make it on her own).

I haven't been seeing a lot of my friends this week. I know a lot of people, and I'm friendly with a lot of them, and I've actually seen a lot of old friends, but I haven't seen my core group of people, you know? I'm very grateful for all the friends I have. I love them. And I wish I could see them all, all of the time.

I went directly home after work. Mark was putting the finishing touches on my desk. I thanked him for all he had done. I was tired, and I was getting a migrain. I took some midrin, jacked off, and took a hot shower, and I'm good now. Mollie wrote me a poem, which rocks!!! She posted it in my comments section on myspace; you can see it here.

Mollie rocks.

I promised Mark I'd go with him to a surprise party for his mom today. I'm sure it will be fun. Only I'm not. I want to spend time with Mark & his family... But I don't want to spend 12 hours or anything like that. We'll see how that goes. I am looking forward to parts of it though. I probably won't get any sleep though, which means I'll be sick. yuck. And that means no Necto. :-0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:27 AM
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