When I think about things I get stuck. That's a side effect. I don't get anything done this way. I think about something and I'm lost. An hour or two ago I was chatting online with Michael. Then I was chatting with him and some friends on gay.com, and I started craving fresh Benny's Bakery's glazed doughnuts. I didn't think about it, I just told everyone I had to go shower and dress so I could get my doughnuts, and then I was showering and getting dressed and the minute I actually thought about stepping outside and warming up the car and driving to the bakery for my 4 glazed, I froze. I sat on my messy bed and stared into space for 10 minutes. Now I feel like I could go now...but I'm not sure it's in my best interest to drive. I know it's not. And though I feel like I could make there and back with no trouble, when I'm like this, I can be wrong; my abilities switch on a dime, and I'm not on firm ground here. It would scare me if I could bring myself to care.
I'm beneath the surface. I can see the other me up there, but I can't touch or feel him. When I can, then it will be ok to drive. But doughnuts won't be available then.