Sunday, June 19, 2005

Friday, work was fine, though I thought I was going to be able to trade in my old movies for the maximum amount of store credit, only to learn that they weren't doing that anymore so I just kept my movies instead; I can get a lot more for them elsewhere. The rest of the work day was mostly good. ;-0)

I got a message from Amber to call her, and did so. She sounded really upset, and a I talked with her for several hours. It was great to hear her voice again, and to listen to all the crazyness that has transpired since last we spoke. Plus I felt like I was getting some bigger puzzle pieces to work with, in relation to all the other people that share our lives. I talked to Mollie soon after, and we're looking into maybe visiting Amber sometime soon.

Amber also revealed that Laurie is indeed moving home to Jonesville, so that she may live rent free, and save more money, so that she can get a house for herself & her girlfriend Amanda; most likely back in Virginia, which means that Laurie's return home isn't permanant. :-0( The whole thing sounds odd, actually. I look forward to hearing Laurie's side of things, and visiting with her, and WATCHING her visit with Mollie - they get along so well, and are so in sync that it's just amazing to watch them interact. Maybe someday Laurie & Amanda (who I'm dying to meet!) will visit Mollie, Kenny, Mark & I in California ;-0)

Patrick didn't call me. I went to the Aut Bar again for a little while, and there was some fun, but also a major letdown that I don't want to type up at the moment. When I drove home, I arrived in the parking lot at the same time as one of my neighbors, who lives across the parking lot from us. I've never really talked to him, just said hello in passing, but he always seemed really friendly. He called me over and asked where I was coming back from, and when I told him, he asked me if I worked there, and then I told him I worked at Hollywood. He went on some rant about he hates Hollywood & Blockbuster and that to find a good movie he has to go to Liberty Street video. I would have agreed with him a year ago, but my store has expanded and now carries more titles than any other video store in Michigan, period. He said he'd been to several places that night, including Grizzly Peak, which I correctly guessed was a "beer place". He asked me to step into the darkened parking area, and kept asking me to talk quieter; I was talking perfectly quiet enough; and I was very sober, as I hadn't had a single drop of alcohol, which I don't think he could claim. I pointed this out and he said he would never drive drunk because he's very smart. He insisted that we talk even quieter and that we could just move closer to each other to hear one another... right. So I asked him how old he was, but he wouldn't tell me; he just kept saying: "How old do I have to be?" and I kept saying it wasn't a matter of him having to be any age, but that I was just curious. I asked him if he was hitting on me, and he started to giggle, and then said goodnight. This guy was seriously messed up. And I lost any interest in him whatsoever when he wouldn't answer my question. It irks me when people won't tell me how old they are. It doesn't matter how old someone is, but it does matter that people guard such information, or if they lie about it, like in a profile where someone lists their age as 502 or some shit like that - it just...it bugs me.

Anyways - that whole encounter was just so odd.

When I got in the house I was shocked to see that JLU was already posted, and I watched that right off. "Divided We Fall" wrapped up the previous 3 episodes in style, and nearly had me in tears. I watched it again with Mark when he woke up, and he later told me that he almost cried during it as well. It dealt with so many different storylines, all of which were handled with a great amount of care, and depth, and emotion. Justice Leauge Unlimited is my current favorite television show, and this episode demonstrated why. And there's still one more episode to go this season ("Epilogue") which, with the amazing season ending feel we had with the newest episode, has me on the edge of my seat wondering what this final episode will mean for the series.

Saturday, I was in some kind of funk. I just didn't feel like myself. And I didn't do much of anything, but that feeling is slowly passing.

I went to gay.com again, briefly to say hello to a friend, and was privated by this cute guy named Justin, who is supposed to call me on Monday. It's been weird for me to admit to guys that I'm looking for a boyfriend, and not just sex. I haven't been this gungho about the boyfriend thing since before I met Mark - so at least a decade. Guys seem to be responding to what I've been saying though. And while I'm super horny, it's been getting a little bit easier to turn down the hottie boys that keep hitting on me for sex.

I work today. It's Father's Day. I called my 2nd Father, Doug & wished him a happy Father's Day, and we talked for awhile which was nice. We used to not get along at all, but we worked it out, which I'll always be grateful for. I hope that he is happy. I don't know how to get in touch with my biological father today; I'll try to see him tomorrow. 13 years ago today was when I cut off the monthly visits that my sister & I had with him. I had started to remember his abuse of us around that time, and I couldn't stand to look at him... There was much drama, threats of violence (from me this time) and a lot of tears. I'm glad that has all passed with time as well. I hope he's happy too.

I haven't heard from Shawn & Jonathan since our visit last Saturday. And we didn't even get to see Shawn that day. It makes me wonder if he was mad that Jonathan called in to work, or if he's upset that we did stuff without him, or what's going on with him. I guess I just wish we had gotten to see him (if only for a minute) to say hello to him. I know that Mollie & Mark really wanted to see him again. Perhaps they will come to visit us in Ann Arbor sometime soon. ;-0)

Ben that I work with, has expressed some interest in Justice League so I'm making copies of the episodes that are available for him; it will be nice to share the series with someone. ;-0) I'm pretty sure I close the store with him tonight. Anyways... I'm gonna get off the computer for awhile.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:57 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Monday, June 20, 2005

I talked with Patrick on AIM; he said he was confused and thought that I was supposed to call him. He didn't get his kittens; apparently they died before he could get them from the woman who was selling them. He said he was really sorry for not calling and I told him I was working from 7pm-12am - and that since he lives right by where I work he could stop by if he liked. He said that he was about to suggest the same thing and that he would definitely be there.

He wasn't. I didn't take my lunch tonight because I thought it might be nice to take it with him. I told Ben that Patrick would be there, so when he didn't show I felt kind of humiliated. When we got everything done in the store, and Ben offered to let me leave an hour early, I stayed because I knew Patrick would be swinging by. Only he didn't. I called his house around 11:30pm to check to see if he was still coming over but I got his machine & didn't leave a message; I assumed he was on his way over. I checked my messages to see if he had left me one, but I didn't have any. After the store closed I called his house again but there was still no answer and I still didn't leave a message; I thought maybe he had some kind of emergency; figured it probably wasn't that big a deal.

After I left work, I thought I'd stop by the Aut Bar, because this cute little lesbian I met there a few weeks ago said that she worked on Sunday nights; she was there and I said hello. Ian & Redcloud were both there too - and they were talking to Patrick, who said he figured he would see me there. My being there was so random. I couldn't believe he was sitting there, and not asleep at home, or doing something that would have kept him from coming to see me.

I'm a little hurt, and a lot disappointed. And he admitted that it was his fault that he didn't stop by; like it could be anybody else's fault? But he said it like he wanted some kind of reward about being upfront about it. Whatever. He gives really good hugs, and when I went to see him at the Aut bar the other night I had a really good time. Now...it's spoiled. It wouldn't have taken much to give me a call and let me know he wasn't coming. Or to stop by for just a quick visit. Or to not tell me that he would definitely be there, but that he would just try to be there. I slipped out when he was looking the other way - I just - it was too much.

I've been through this shit so many times now; I don't want to be the unforgiving sort, but I don't want to keep opening myself up to the same people just to get smacked down, you know? I don't know what tonight will mean in the grand scheme of things, but for now...it just sucks.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:35 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

After the last entry, I decided I'd head back to Aut Bar; it had only been 10 minutes, so I changed my clothes in a hurry, and headed back to the bar. I figured I was taking the whole thing too seriously, and I should go chill with Patrick, Ian & Redcloud, but when I got there 10 minutes later they weren't there anymore, and Patrick was still not answering his phone. I was hoping that he might get some food with me, since I missed my lunch earlier while waiting for him. I looked pretty hot, if I do say so myself, but it was all for naught. I hate eating by myself, and I was not more disappointed than before because I couldn't even just sit & talk to my friends. I left a message on Patrick's machine & I drove around for a little while; feeling like I should be out doing something. When I did get home, I sat in the car for awhile; just listening to music & trying to figure out how this all happened, and why I was taking it so hard.

I don't know why. Except that I had fun the other day, and was looking forward to more of it, and that didn't happen. It didn't even come close to happening. And when I tried to overcome that situation, and head back, and take it less seriously, there wasn't any chance to.

James was there, with what looks to be a new boyfriend named Kane/Cain; they looked cute together. James used to have a crush on me, and I had one on him too, but he's a smoker, and I try not to date them, because my body is so sensitive to that kind of stuff now. It annoyed me slightly that even James couldn't be my buddy tonight, but then I looked at them, and I smiled for them. At least somebody's getting it right; good for them. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:26 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

I watched the horrible werewolf movie "Cursed" last night; it's released on dvd to rent & buy tomorrow. It's really bad in some places, and it's ok in others. It's sad really, because if they had gotten it right it would have been best werewolf movie since The Howling in 1982. The special effects for the transformations sucked beyond the telling of it; making the creature funny instead of scary. But there was potential. blah.

I played RollerCoasterTycoon3 last night, after the movie; taking perverse pleasure in ripping my old parks to shreds and watching the people plummet to their would-have-been, should-have-been deaths. lol Fell alseep about 6am. Mark called/woke me up around noon to see if I was working today (which I'm not).

I watched "Ode To Billy Joe" on video (which Ben found for me at work); it's not available on dvd. The movie is based on the haunting Bobbie Gentry tune, and I watched it on television with my sister when we were very young. I think I only watched the movie to a certain point and stopped, because I didn't know about the movie's "twist" until a few years ago when I heard the song at random, and decided to track down the movie for fun. Billy Joe, it turns out, was gay. When I talked to my sister about this, she said she remembered that, so she must have watched the entire movie.

I wrote a poem, inspired by that info, soon after.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:48 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Tuesday, June 21, 2005

So I'm editing some JLU episodes for Ben; but I think I'm going to watch all the old ones as I tape them, just so I can watch them again; because they collectively kick ass! After Mark showed me how to edit avi files, and I started working on that, Patrick said hello to me on AIM and apologised again & all, but I think that ship has sailed. I don't hate him or anything; it's just that when someone diappoints me so soon in the getting-to-know them process (more than once, I might add)... Then it kind of takes the fun out of it.

I was really tired, and I layed down, thinking I would just rest up for a little while, and then return my movies, as Cursed was due back before midnight. I fell asleep right off, and slept till 11:45pm. Mark had forgotten that I needed to be awake and felt bad that he he let me sleep, but it was completely my fault, and I just got up, had a snack, and continued my editing.

After I got most of the editing done, I decided I really needed a night out; some self-healing if you will. I shaved & dressed quickly, since it was fairly late. I wore boots, black vinyl pants, a shiny blue vinyl shirt, a matching studed bracelet, a restraint, my hat & some eyeliner ;-0) I looked hot. And it was cool enough outside that wearing all of that didn't kill me.

I had a fantastic time at the bar. I got there a little after 1am, so I didn't waste anytime. I saw a few people I knew, which was nice. I danced with Vince (of course) which was very hot. And dancing in general in all that vinyl was HOT, but I just danced & danced and I forgot all my problems & I had a blast! I had 1 fuzzy navel, and a bottle of water (which were both free, since I know cool people), and I was sweating like crazy, which wasn't as gross as it probably sounds; it was great actually.

Anyways - lots of fun was had, and I feel better than I have in at least a week. When I got home 2 of my neighbors were outside, and both commented that my outfit was hot, and one of them said I smelled really good, which I didn't expect, what with all the sweating, but women (and some men) have told me that I smell good my entire life, which is guess is a very good thing. I showered, and then I said hello to my friends Heidi from Hollywood, and Matt in Ohio, and now I'm writing this. But it's finished.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:48 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]