Sunday, August 14, 2005

The alone time in the condo continues, only I'm really enjoying the quiet now, and really grateful things turned out this way. I caught up on my sleep. I talked with Jennifer; our first really great conversation since she moved to Seattle. I tried to watch the Lord Of The Rings, but kept drifting off, and was annoyed when the movie kept waking me up, and so I shut it off and slept some more. Later, I returned Mark's dvd to Hollywood, planned stuff with Mollie (who was also, randomly watching LOTR), rented porn, picked up some books at Borders, went home, ate, read, worked on some cd stuff, jacked off, showered, and now I'm here again. I almost felt lonely this morning, and now I just feel relieved that no one else is here.

I'll probably get some more CD work done within the next 24 hours. Shawn really seemed to like what I had done on his cds, and it would be nice if I could one day finish those so he actually listen to them as they were intended to be heard; to experience them with the images and the edits in order. And I want to say that it was a great experience watching him listen to this stuff, and seeing that he really did get it; that I had at least on some level achieved something with my insanity! lol And I was amazed at how much I enjoyed listening to them too. I thought I'd finish them and never listen to them again, but as odd as it was to be heard in such a painfully honest, blood, sweat & bones kind of way - it was also rewarding to be appreciated for digging to such depths. I've made some fairly powerful cds, but I've never been with the people they were made for as they experienced them, so this was a special treat for me, which may never happen again, so I'm trying to keep that with me. And his feedback on it; his memories coming back from my words and music - that was so great! Even the not so nice bits had been transformed into art - which made them strangely beautiful somehow. I hope when all is said and done that the cds are enjoyed by everyone who hears them: including me.

Oh! There is an article & a blurb about SERENITY in the new Entertainment Weekly (August 19, 2005 issue); any press for Firefly / SERENITY is good press in my opinion; I can't express to you how much I want that movie to succeed! Actually, I want everything Joss touches to succeed, but I already love Firefly / SERENITY, and that's the next hurdle, so I'm really itching to see this film turn heads. Mollie & I tried to convince Shawn & Jonathan to watch Firefly, but they turned us down. Maybe they will see the film first, and if they like it they can go back and watch the series that spawned it. I imagine many people will do that. I know that since the film started being promoted more & more people have started renting it. I recommend it to people at work all the time. Sci-Fi channel is airing the show now, and while I'm grateful to them for giving the show more of an audience, it seems kind of hypocritical of them. When Firefly was cancelled by FOX, Joss tried to sell the show to other networks (including Sci-Fi) and they all turned him down. He got the movie to work though, but it saddens him that he can't really tell all the stories that he wanted to in just a movie, or even a trilogy; he'd need a tv series to do that, and if this movie could revive the series, that would be my dream come true. The cast is amazing, and Gina Torres looks fricking amazing in the cast photo in the magazine. Firefly actors Summer Glau, Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres & Adam Baldwin were all featured as different characters in the Buffy-verse. Firefly actors Nathan Fillion, Gina Torres, Adam Baldwin & Morena Baccarin have all voiced characters on Justice League Unlimited. I love those guys.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:56 AM
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I updated my page a bit. I've got this Barbarella song stuck in my head, that was on a cd that Bryan gave me for my birthday; I'll have to thank him for it, because I think it rocks. Bryan actually edited the audio of my favorite scene from the film into the Scott Weiland track! ;-0) "Decrucify him or I'll melt your face!" - What's not to love about that movie?!?!

Which reminds me that Shawn actually knew stuff about Duran Duran. I don't know why that surprised me, but it did. I wonder if he's ever seen the movie?

And for all you Harry Potter fans, I caught this awesome glimpse at the 4th movie on Extra. It looks awesome; they showed the death-eaters! ;-0)

On yet another side note... I like drinking Sierra Mist, which I imagine isn't all that strange. I've grown to enjoy many a non-caffeinated beverage over the last 4 years. But the odd thing is...I prefer it warm. It's ok out of the fridge, but when it's room temperature, it's fantastic. lol I'm insane, I know this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:57 AM
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I had a dream I was watching the extended cut of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King in a huge, stadium style theater. My entire extended family was there. It was crazy, but fun. A lot like the party Friday. lol My Grandmother and I were walking around the place. The stairs were really steep, and people kept falling. My sister Janice & my Aunt Marge were talking and trying to figure some stuff out; I think they thought that the movie was winding down, and I told them that it had another hour to go, and then a persom across from us said it actually had 2 more hours to go! lol Grandma & I continued to wander, after a child fell out of the stands; the little girls was ok. My Grandma told me that she (my Grandma) always goes too far, and that this is where I get that trait from. I was about to ask her to explain when the phone woke me up.

Mark called to let me know he'd be home by 6pm, so he could see me for a half hour or so before I went to work. I was still trying to figure out the dream when I put the phone back in the charger. I had/have a horrible headache. I think I slept wrong; er, I mean, I slept on my neck wrong, or something. I've been having the worst headaches lately; worse than anything I've had in years. I don't really know why. I stumbled downstairs, grabbed something to drink and a snack, and took some painkiller with them. I hope it works, because this sucks.

I still have the Barbarella song in my head, and so far I'm not complaining.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:55 PM
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So, Mark is home. He got home a little earlier than I expected. I updated still more wacky things on my webpage. I commented on some blogs. Mollie was thinking that maybe she & Karen & I could watch Lord of the Rings: Return of the King tonight, since Mollie has never seen the extended edition, and Karen has never seen the movie at all.

I was jacking off again when Mark got home. I've been beyond horny lately. But I'm not interested in dating anyone at the moment, which I'm finding oddly comforting. I've found a few boys attractive, but things never really go well. There was Bobby, who apparently has a boyfriend. I need to e-mail him back. We could be friends, and I'm cool with that. I'm cool with being friends with just about anyone. I had a party for my ex-boyfriend on my birthday, and invited another ex-boyfriend to be there. My ex-girlfriend would have been there if she was able. I just see them all as friends, which I don't understand why more people can't be friends with people they like, have liked as something more? It makes no sense to me.

I've got to get ready for work. Mark is telling me stories of his problems with his Mom, who is pissing me off, just hearing this stuff. erg.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:17 PM
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   Monday, August 15, 2005

I was wrong in the last entry. Mollie & I were actually to watch Lord of the Rings: Return of the King with Karen tonight, not last night. That doesn't seem to be happening now, as Karen has plans to go to Greenfield Village on Tuesday. I guess that's ok with me. This way I can take the time to watch the previous two films, and also go to Necto tonight, if I feel like going.

When I got to work last night, Heidi was just leaving and she said she had fun at the party. She said that she & Nate were both greatly amused by my interplay with Shawn & Jonathan. Heidi has actually heard more of Shawn's cds than he has; she was my springboard to see if I was ontrack, which I'm ever so grateful for. I'm still in a bit of shock about how well Mark's party went. I know I'm repeating myself, but hey, I'm still in shock. lol

Work was pretty busy, but I was lucky enough to see some of my favorite customers. I'm like the odd worker at Hollywood. I actually have customers that run and give me hugs when they see me. I haven't seen anybody else get hugs like that. And my coworkers are always telling me that so & so was asking for me when I was off of work. That's gratifying to hear; it's good to be appreciated.

After work, I went directly home. I read some of my new Buffy book, which is ok. It isn't great, but it's not horrible. It's based on the 6th Season Finale episodes "Villains", "Two To Go" & "Grave", which have always been my least favorite of Buffy's finales. For starters, Joss didn't write it, and that seems obvious to me. The dialogue isn't up to snuff. Too much time is spent with Jonathan & Andrew - when they really aren't doing anything. The line "I said I didn't want to hurt you; didn't say I wouldn't." which is supposed to be really cool, and it was when it was spoken by Spike in the 2nd Season Finale. That previous finale also closed with a Sarah McLachlan song, as did the 6th Season one. Even musically, it felt like a retread. Dark Willow, wasn't half as cool as Magic Stoked Willow from 5th Season's "Tough Love" - in that episode she faced off with a God and actually inflicted some damage. It's just not as satisfying seeing her pursue Jonathan & Andrew (and failing), using lame special effects. I love Willow, and I understand the underpinnings of the Dark Willow storyline; I just don't think it was very well written. Which for Buffy, is unusual, and very disappointing. Still, there were moments in there that rocked (like the surprise appearance of Giles)...just not as many as I've come to expect.

I also chatted online with California Anthony, who was fighting off a cold, while telling me about his new boyfriend. Anthony is really cute, but he lives like...way too far away. Which is ok. I also chatted with Bobby, who will be returning to Ann Arbor soon. We're supposed to hang out. He's in an open relationship, which would have seemed fantastic to me last year, but now it just seems like...I don't know. Less than what I want. Maybe. Of course I don't know him that well, and it's possible we'll be great friends that sleep together every now & again, and there's nothing wrong with that... but you can't force things like that. We're both attracted to each other. I thought maybe he forgot all about me, but since he's now contacted me twice within a week, and claims to have shared the poem I wrote for him with several friends, I guess I was wrong. We'll see how that plays out.

I don't know what time I went to bed exactly, but I woke up around 8:30am or so, and saw Mark in the shower. I remembered that I had been watching Xena: Season Two last week, to distract me from the stress of throwing a surprise party for someone who knows nearly everything about you & your comings & goings, and I looked online to see if I could save any money on Seasons 3, 4 (my favorite), & 5; I already own 6, and I can hold off on 1. I found some significant savings, and cashed in a $38.00 certificate to get those seasons. I probably shouldn't be spending too much money, what with all the party expenses, but I'm starting to feel a bit selfish again; after all that spending for others, I want some stuff for me! lol

I watched the last 2 episodes of Xena: Season Two, before taking a nap. I read some more. I worked on Shawn's CD's; figuring out what song would go where, and trying to figure out how certain songs should be edited. I can't express how time consuming; how complicated, and exhausting this stuff can be. Every step in the process can take huge amounts of time. That said, every time a new track is completed, and I'm step closer to being finished, it seems worthwhile. When this project is finished, which I can barely imagine at this point - these cds will stand out as something really special. They are honest, and emotional, and personal. They are quite intense, at least for me, and they have helped me immensly. Without the work I've put into them, I don't think I would be friends with Shawn today.

It's nearly 6:30pm. Mark should be home soon. I'm not sure what I'll be doing for the rest of today, but I may got ot Necto tonight. I may do some recording tonight. I have to return the porn I rented tomorrow. I don't work again until Thursday. I may get a lot of work done this week. And I can't express how glad I am that Mark's party is behind me. I hated telling him all those outlandish lies; it was truly horrible, but that's done with now. And this 31 year old Jason is just as wacky as the younger one was.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:31 PM
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   Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I went to Necto. Danced quite a bit; I'm very sweaty, and very naked, and very in need of a shower, but I thought I'd write this first. Vince, Brian Cagle & Erin were there. Brian is moving to Toronto in September, and today is his birthday; he's 23. Brian was an online personality that I had a crush on for several years, and we met up at random one night at City Club and got along famously. We tried to be more than friends; indeed we had THE SEX, but we just weren't very compatible, which in the long run is A.O.K. ;-0) We're friendly, and that's all that matters.

I had a lot of fun at the bar. I need to update some webpage stuff later, and do some recording. I need to shower, and eat, and watch more Xena ;-0) And I need to post some more stuff on detroitgothic.net. And that's about all I've got planned for the next few hours.

While I was gone I accidentally left AIM on, and I got pvt messages from Paul, Anthony, Matt, & ZzZSHSzZz, which I wish I would have been able to respond too. :-( Oh well. I'm off to bathe.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:04 AM
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I stayed up far later (earlier?) than I intended; got to bed around 10:30am. I woke up around 4:30pm. Worked on Shawn's CDs. After Mark had been home awhile, I took a shower, got dressed, and returned the porn I rented on Saturday. I went to Kroger to get some groceries, then hit Hollywood video to rent Xena: Season 1 to get my fix, until Season 3 arrives. The only plans for tonight and tomorrow that I have are to work on Shawn's CD's - mostly CD2, as I have a very clear vision of how it needs to be set up - and watch Xena episodes in between sessions to keep me sane.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:01 PM
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   Thursday, August 18, 2005

So my computer is fucking up, which makes working on my cd projects impossible. grrr. It really sucks. I've felt tired all day, and my right eye is kind of sore, and they're both kind of tired. I don't think that I'm coming down with something; I think I should probably just get some more sleep, and stop staring at my computer screen, and reading so much.

Mark found out online that we have a registered sex-offender living in our commuity of condos. He's 30 years old, and at some point after reaching the age of 21 he forced himself on a 13-16 year old. I don't feel worried, or scared about this information; it's just weird knowing about it. He showed me a picture of the guy and told me his name. Mark's a bit freaked out about it because the other day some woman was out here looking for a bookshelf that was (apparently) being sold by that guy. I hope the circumstances for this guy were foggy, or that they've changed, and that he and those he may have hurt are all able to live a normal life now. Beyond that...I don't know. Why am I rambling about this?

I thought that my custom made dvd shelf was going to come today, but apparently it's not even finished, and probably won't be here until Sunday. Until then, my movies are just hanging out in stacks, in my room. erg. This shelf was my birthday present from Mark, which is awesome, but the guy that's doing the shelves seems to suck. He drinks beer in his truck. The stain that we wanted used, and gave them the info for couldn't be found by them, and now they've painted the shelves black - or they were supposed to. The whole mess is just annoying. We should have had an expert do it instead of having gone through a co-worker's spouse. BLAH.

Season 5 of Xena arrived today; of course that's the last of the 3 seasons I ordered, so I can't watch it yet. I've seen them all before, but there are actual story arcs on the show, and they won't be as powerful if I watch them out of order. Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, the series that spawned Xena & Young Hercules is something of a sore spot for me. I think the show mostly sucks; I really enjoyed the 5th Season, which was much more like Xena then the previous 4 seasons, but the other seasons are such a mixed bag! But a few episodes are fantastic, and there are others that are important, even integral, to Xena. I haven't decided if I'll purchase them yet or not. I already own Seasons 1 & 6, so I will probably get the others, but I wish there was a way to just pick out the episodes that I like. erg.

I also got the Buffy book that I had intended to buy at Borders the other day, which I started reading as soon as it arrived. It's set up as an 8th Season of Buffy and is supposed to tie in with all the crossover stuff that happened in Angel Season 5. So far I think it's a good read, but the Buffy books feel like published fan fiction, rather than the real deal. Star Trek fiction used to be the same way for me, but in the last few years it has really come into it's own.

My nephews saw Episode III with their dad, and I bought them the first Clone Wars dvd for their birthdays, which they love. I've been thinking about getting them the Jedi Apprentice books, or the other 2 incarnations of the series that followed. I think they would enjoy them quite a lot. There's a series about Boba Fett also, that I never got around to reading. Hmmm. I also got these Lord Of The Rings puzzle books that they might enjoy. I know they're gonna love those movies when they see them. ;-0)

After my recent discussions with Janice over what she had told her children about my sexual identity (which she never really enlightened me on), I began to wonder what kinds of resources are available to parents and children who are struggling with sexual questions, and I found a wide variety of books that give a great deal of information about a whole array of questions, and a good assortment of them dealt fairly with concepts of homosexuality, bisexuality & heterosexuality. I bought one of these books and it arrived today, and it was just fantastic! I wish something as enlightening had been available to me when I was 10 or 11! The book I bought can be seen here. I intend to collect more books on the subject, as I find it fascinating.

I watched Alien Vs. Predator on dvd last night. It was only the 2nd time I've ever seen it, and the first time I saw it was shortly after my 30th birthday, in the theaters. I remembered enjoying most of the movie, but having a few questions about character stupidity. lol A lot of that was cleared up this time, and the dvd featured a new beginning that wasn't used in the theatrical version, which was also a nice touch. The movie was intended to have an R rating, but was forced by the studio to be released as PG-13; this limitation was imposed on those making the film, 3 weeks before it's release!?! The director's cut of the film will be released November 22, and I look forward to viewing it.

I've always been a huge ALIEN fan, and I've enjoyed the Predator films (both 1 & 2) as well, though to a lesser degree. I would love for them to make Predator 3, Alien 5, and Alien Vs. Predator 2!!! But that's just the fanboy in me talking.

I need to get some sleep.

Bowling Green Matt's friends Emily, Bobby & Val just called wanting to hang out; they are in Ann Arbor, at the Fleetwood Diner; I passed. My eyes really hurt. I need to get some sleep or something. I don't know what's up with me. I'm flattered that they wanted to hang out with me though, and I hope they think of me next time.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:14 AM
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I'm still awake, and apparently still at my computer. My acid reflux is pretty bad tonight, which means I can't lay down at the moment. I updated my webpage with lots of Firefly/Serenity promotion. I can't express how much I want Joss to have the last laugh.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:51 AM
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   Friday, August 19, 2005

Yesterday was Hellish. I finally fell asleep around 4am. I woke up at 7am, with horrible acid buildup. I didn't have any Tums or anything, so I just sat up, and organized some stuff on my computer to distract me from the pain. I listened to Mark get up and get ready, and leave for work. I tried to get some more sleep. No luck. I started getting ready for work. I shaved my head, but not my face. When I'm tired, or cranky, or in a bad mood, I often don't shave - it's like my way of letting the world know that something's off kilter. Only I tend to get compliments on it. lol

I thought I had a clean workshirt in my closet. I could have sworn that we were getting new work shirts in a while back, but of course we didn't. I had taken all my dvds off their shelf the other day in preperation of getting the new shelf (which I still don't have), but I had stacked them in front of my closet, so I had to move them all just to get the closet open a bit, only to find that I didn't have a clean shirt for work. I was un-thrilled.

I was so tired, my eyes felt like they were on fire. I considered wearing my sunglasses at work, but on the way to work I realized they didn't really help. I stopped at Kroger on the way there and got some more Tums. When I did get in to work, DJ was there, in good spirits, which is always nice, and we talked about Mark's party. I told him about my acidy condition, and my sleeplessness. My stomack was a bit upset, but I was determined to make it through the day. I had briefly considered calling in to work, but I felt that my shift was so short that it wouldn't make much of a difference - but Mark had told me he needed to go to the bank & post office after work, which I was really not looking forward to - I just wanted to sleep.

DJ wanted me to take back some bottles to Kroger so he could use the refund money to pay for Inventory Night Pizza - Inventory is tonight. DJ asked Nate to empty the old refridgerator stuff, including 4 bottles of Sierra Mist, which I had kept in there for myself. I actually could have rescued them, but I thought that Nate had already started dumping them, and I was too bitter, and sleep deprived to try to fight it. You know how it is, when you're really exhausted, and even when things annoy you, you just don't have the energy to express it? That's what it was like. But it continued to annoy me later, because I had paid for all of that soda, and they were dumping it, to get .40, to use for a pizza that I would never even see, as I'm not working inventory. Erg.

I took the bottles back myself, and went to Little Caesars on my way back, per my agreement with Nate so I could get my food, and punch out when I got back to work, instead of punching out before going to get my food (which takes a lot longer now with all the construction going on around the store). I told the people at Caesars exactly how I wanted my pizza. They fucked it up. They asked me if the pizza was ok, and I just...didn't have the energy to argue with them, and I was on the clock, and I said it was fine, and bought the pizza, which when I finally got it back to the store, was so undercooked there was no way I was putting it in my body. And I was SOOOO Hungry at this point.

I had rented the Ring Two, which I thought I would watch on my break, but the TV stopped working for the last person who went on break (Scott), who didn't report it, at least to me. I finally thought I would just sit with my head down, but Scott was in the back office yapping on the phone - loudly - and I couldn't even relax. It was too much. I called Mark, and told him everything that had happened and how much I wanted to go home, and he said that would be fine, and that he could get a ride home. I talked to Nate and told him I wanted to go home. I think I was a little snippy with him, but things just kept flying out of my mouth - I just wanted out of there.

I went home, got ready for bed, and I watched The Ring Two, which lacked the really great look of the first film, which kind of killed the sequel for me. Things that looked cool in the first one because of the way it was directed, mixed with the production, looked pretty silly when directed differently. I hope they don't make another sequel. The original film actually had a scene that opened the film, and another that closed the film - completely, which were removed. They should just restore them, and forget this one was made. The 2nd Ring has a few moments where you can see how it could have been great - but their only moments, and the movie never really feels like more than a lame effort at greatness.

I watched Harry & Max, which had arrived in the mail (finally) that day. I ordered it months before. I mostly liked this one, but felt that the film needed something more - and I'm pretty sure what it needed was at least one more draft of the shooting script - so of it came off as real, and other parts just seemed forced, and weird. But I enjoyed it.

Finally I got some sleep, but again it was only for a few hours. Mollie called while I dressed and drove to Borders. Mollie may have outed herself to one of her coworkers, which bothers her because this guy is a great friend to her at work, but he really thinks homosexuality is wrong. Mollie isn't afraid of people knowing she's bi; in fact I don't think I've ever heard her deny it or pretend that she wasn't, which is one of the reasons why I love her. But she's never really encountered someone who drifted away from her because of her sexuality, which makes her seem younger to me somehow. I mean, people have drifted away from me (and been outright violent towards me) because of their beliefs about my sexuality - and that started when I was just a kid, so I'm so...it's just nothing new to me. It's interesting seeing Mollie go through it; not because I feel she should have to, but because it's a different perspective on the whole thing. I like hearing her stories about this guy at work, and I hope this doesn't last too long and the boy comes to his senses, and realizes that Mollie kicks ass. Mollie rocks my socks!

I spent about $100.00 on books at Borders. I got 2 more books about talking to children about sexuality, that feature references to homo & bi sexuality: "It's Amazing: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families" written by Robie H. Harris & illustrated by Michael Emberley, and "Understanding The Facts OF Life" by Susan Meredith & Robyn Gee. I also picked up "Why Marriage Matters" by Evan Wolfson, "The Case For Gay Rights" by David A. J. Richards, "50 Ways To Support Lesbian & Gay Equality" by Meredith Maran with Angela Watrous, "The Gay Man's Kama Sutra" by Terry Sanderson, and finally, an extremely cute book that I can completely relate to called "When I Knew" which features all sorts of When I Knew I Was Gay stories.

Mollie & I later made some tentative plans to watch Return of The King with Karen tonight, and I went home, took some painkiller for the horrible headache I was getting, and I tried to get some sleep. It didn't work at first, but eventually I got to bed, and ended up getting about 7 hours, which is far more than I've had in ages.

I had a dream that my family and I were in a city watching Prsident Bush (asshole) give a speech about how we had a stockpile of Nuclear Weapons, and he was basically threatening other nations with them, and put on a demonstration; firing some of the rockets, which backfired and crashed near us, as we all dove for cover. Somehow my family was still unconvinced that the man was evil. Later we were hiding out in a factory, and we found the new quarters which hadn't been released yet. My older sister collects money and stuff, and when we looked at the new quarters they had a triangle on them, and said Homosexuals Belong Death Camps - which finally convinced my sister. We started a rebellion. And the dream devolved into a kind of us vs. them war story.

I woke up a couple of times at night, but I always tried to get back to sleep right away. I wasn't acidy. I barely ate yesterday, and I made sure I took my meds an hour early, and then took an extra one right before I went to sleep. I work today from 1pm - 5:30pm. I'm sure it will go better today. I almost feel like going back to sleep, but I should probably get things ready so I'll be ready later.

I've been putting my slash/fan art in order lately. I'm really quite impressed with my collection. I hope that I someday find a forum to share it with others.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:03 AM
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Mark just called me to let me know that he's at his Doctor's appointment (for his leg), and he's going to be there another 20 minutes or so before he swings by to pick me up for work. I work at 1pm, and I have to drop him off before I go in to work. As fate would have it, I'm already ready to go; I'm eating right now, and then I brush my teeth, and put on my boots and I'm ready. I called Bryan at work and told him the situation.

I feel 100% better today than I did yesterday (Thank Joss!). I could probably use just a little bit more sleep, but I'm mostly well rested, which is far better than almost completely unrested. I've decided I'm going to start reading "Why Marriage Matters" today. It wasn't my first choice at the book store, and I figured I'd probably read it last, but the rave reviews are winning me over.

Last week (I can't believe it's been a week already) at Mark's party, Shawn mentioned that all he reads anymore is non-fiction. I haven't read this much non-fiction at once in years, but I want my fiction too! ;-0) I'd kill for next Post-DS9 book, but that's still months away :-0(

I need to do that inventory of my Star Wars books so I can pack those up & put them in storage; maybe I can get that done tomorrow? I want to make space for this new obsession of mine. My only fear is that my room will became the GAY room. Not because I'm self loathing or anything like that... Just, it's been a mix of different things now. I guess it could be the GAY room for awhile. And then I'll switch to something else, the way I've always done.

I need to hang out with Solomon & Janella again soon. I'm so glad all my friends get along. Mark was miffed that Marcus didn't come to his surprise party, and I told him that I understood, because at last year's surprise party for me, I was miffed that Darla didn't come - even though so many of my other friends did. And even this year, for a moment I considered how great it would be if Darla would have been there for Mark this year, but then the rest of the night would have been stressful, because I would have worried about how many other friends she was offending. Of course that could be a little unfair; perhaps she's not bitchy like that anymore, and she would have gotten along great with everyone else too - that would have been magical! ;-0) Either way, I miss her sometimes, and I hope she's happy with whatever she's doing. I hope we all are.

Someone the other day said I should update my live journal, and I told them that my last post had a link to my real journal - this one. I've been writing in this one a lot longer than any other online journal. This one just feels right. Like I own it. Thanks again Mark.

I'm really lucky to have Mark, and I'm super grateful for his understanding nature yesterday when I NEEDED sleep. THANK YOU MARK!!!

;-0)

I'm gonna go finish up and get ready to leave.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:29 PM
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Work was a lot cooler today. Though I did have an annoying encounter in the parking lot. I did get to eat, and see peeps. Ater work I was way tired, so I took a nap. Now I've got to get ready and go see Mollie, Karen (& adam?).

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:15 PM
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   Saturday, August 20, 2005

I was still kind of groggy at Mollie's apartment last night, but I had fun playing cards with Mollie, Kenny & Karen. I drove Karen home, so we got a little bit of alone time; not like we were pushing to be alone, but it was nice.

When I got home I watched the first two episodes of Xena - Season 4. Season 4 is my favorite season of Xena, and I thought it would be ok to watch those episodes while I await Season 3's arrival. Those two episodes (Adventures In The Sin Trade, Parts I & II) are amazing! They just look so intense, and so different from the rest of the series! I really enjoy them, but I'm struggling to not watch more episodes until Season 3 arrives.

I slept fairly well. I woke up this morning when the plumber was here, but I went back to bed. When I woke up the 2nd time around 3pm, the plumber was gone & the sink was fixed. Mark had said something about going to see a movie but he was still home, and hypnotized by his computer. I got the mail; there was something for Mark and some Gift Certificates from Amazon - obviously sent out after I spent so much cash there for Mark's presents. I wanted to get some more queer titled, but realized that the cost of Enterprise Season 2, which I still hadn't paid for, was rising. I found a used one through a 5 star seller for $75.48, including shipping and handling (a new one costs $96.75) so I was already saving $21.27 - then I used the Gift Certificates ($50.00 worth) which dropped it down to $25.48 ;-0) Nice. I've been trying to spend about $30.00 on amazon a week, and though I ordered this a day early, I still have $4.52 left over. I am pleased.

I won the bundle contest at work in two categories which should mean that I can get two prizes; if so I'm going to take 6 movies from the store. If I don't get two prizes, I'm going to bitch, because otherwise what was the point? I mean, if I won two, and everyone else won one, then don't I deserve more? Hell yeah, I do!

I need to get some stuff done.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:32 PM
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Maybe I'm not remembering this correctly, but I seem to recall from my Bible School years the story of Job (pronouned Jobe). In the story Job has great faith & love for God, and the Devil says to God that the only reason that people like Job are faithful to God is because God blesses their lives. God proves the Devil wrong by hurting Job & his family, to which Job still prclaims his love for God. It just came to me that God may have won the argument, but he was actually played by the Devil. If God was right about Job he didn't have to prove anything to the Devil, but he gave in, and he forced people to suffer needlessly, just to prove the Devil wrong. That's pathetic, and it's not love. God apparently has an ego that blinds it to common sense.

Think of it this way. The devil says to me that my friends only love me because I'm kind to them. I hurt them to prove this is not the case - and it's ok that I hurt them - after all - I love them. That's sick, and it's wrong - and no point you could make by those actions is worth proving. If I'm remembering this correctly (& it's possible that I'm not), than God is an ass. Not really a surprise, I guess. How do people respect a guy who does this shit, just so he can hobnob with otherworldly types at the watercooler, about how wrong they are? erg.

See. I have random thoughts.

I need to cleanup my room & start boxing up my books. My DVD shelves will be here tomorrow, which I should be excited about, but it just makes me nervous, because I'm afraid their going to be tacky, and that I won't like them. Plus, they'll probably arrive when I'm sleeping - as I've been sleeping until about 3pm, and I work at 7pm. erg.

I feel like I should go out. I haven't been out since Monday, and it might be good for me. I'm feeling a bit claustrophobic in my room. Perhaps I will, but maybe I won't. It's too early to tell.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:01 PM
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