Tuesday, October 4, 2005

I haven't been writing lately. I'm not depressed exactly, so much as I don't care. I just...blah. lol

I saw Serenity on Friday with Karen, Carrie, Mollie, Kenny, Soloman, Janella, Bryan, Robert, Chris & 6 of her coworkers; it rocked. The theater wasn't completely full, but it was probably about 3 quarters full. We all loved the movie; like - everybody in the theater was laughing and crying & clapping - it was fun. I'm taking my sisters (Janice & Jamie) to see it on Wednesday (2:40 show at Showcase). Serenity didn't make as much money as they hoped it would (it came in 2nd overall), but maybe it will be a sleeper hit; in for the long haul over the next several months or something. The movie made me long for more Serenity movies, or better yet - a new Firefly tv series, but if that doesn't happen, at least the movie got made, and it's a much better ending to the saga then what we had before - much more satisfying.

I got an e-mail from Linda Marie the other day; she suggested we go bowling, and I responded, but I haven't gotten a response to my response, so I'm not sure how we're doing there. Perhaps my crazy response frightened her away? I was kind of...rambly.

I'm conflicted about many a thing lately. It sucks. I have a new phone, and may be getting one for Mollie later, per Mark's wacky plans to save us money. I bought Desperate Housewives to share with my friends, who are all hooked on it now too, which is cool.

And I've got to go.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:57 AM
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Oh - and today is 9 years since I last turned my arms inside out.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:58 AM
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   Friday, October 7, 2005

I hung out with Mollie & Mark Tuesday evening; we got Mollie her phone, and we got a card for Shawn's birthday, which is Saturday. I bought the Desperate Houswives game; it looked like CLUE, and it is, but it also has a bunch of trivia from the show so Mark (who isn't interested in it) couldn't play, so we put the game on hold until Mollie, Carrie & Adam can finish watching it.

We played the LOTR Movie Trilogy Trivial Pursuit but I was so tired, and though I was winning (I needed 2 more slices & I think Mollie & Mark had only 2, if that) I thought that I had answered a group play question and had gotten my next to last piece only to find that I apparently hadn't. Mark answered the question, and then when it became an all play question I answered the question "more precisely" - meaning that mine actually matched the answer that was given by the game. Mark & Mollie both pointed out that we had let Mollie's answers slide a couple of times before, but one of those times it was a question to HER & not possible for either of us to answer better, and in the other she guessed something correctly from an image before Mark & I, and though I agreed with her answer - I couldn't remember what the blasted thing was called - so not only did she beat me to figuring out what was changed, her answer was on par with my own, giving her the clear advantage. It pissed me off royaly. I quit the game, but after a few minutes to cool down - and not killing them - I thought I'd rejoin. I was so far ahead of them I figured that my time away would help the game be more even - and my victory would be more exciting, but they had quit too, and just not told me. I tried not to piss anyone off, and just try to regain the fun of the night, which I think I accomplished. Took Mollie home shortly after (with a pitstop at a Walgreen's drive through to pick up a controlled substance); came home and went right to bed.

Wednesday I drove Mark to work, and then went to the post office to drop of some packages (3 or 4 for Mark's business, and 1 for Shawn). I took Janice & Jamie to see the 2:40pm showing of SERENITY at Showcase Cinemas. If anyone reading this hasn't seen it, I strongly reccomend it. It's not doing all that well at the theater; but perhaps it will make up for that overseas, and I'm sure it will kick ass on DVD, as the Firefly DVDs are STILL selling well, and the rental copy at our store is a hot property. Jamie & Janice both enjoyed it, though Janice made really annoying comments through the whole movie, which made me wish that I hadn't brought her. We used to like the same kind of movies, but then she got married, and I came out, and we went our seperate ways entertainment wise. I did get a few good comebacks in though, which I can't express here, for fear of revealing spoilers to the un-initiated.

After the movie we discussed Coleen's betrayal of Jamie - not to mention the man whore who started all this shit. I really don't like them. Jamie seems to have some dim sense of hope that nothing is going on between her best friend & her ex-fiance, but given all the evidence, even she is only hanging on by that thread. It's so sad!!! I just want to burn C & M Bullshit Factory to the ground. Mollie wants to help - this could potentially be fun.

I picked up Mark; we traded in his phone; I flirted with Craig the salesguy; we went home, then Mark went to Meijer to pick up some stuff for me, which he very kindly volunteered to do. Heidi came over & we talked about all sorts of dramtic things. It was really nice; we were in my dimly lit room, listening to relaxing music, just being there for each other on my bed - only not in a sex way. lol It was just a really relaxed, comforting exchange. When Mark got back we all talked for awhile and then went to Red Robin where eating & more conversation ensued; I started getting really tired again, as I've been sleeping at night all week. We headed back to the condo, and we hugged Heidi goodbye; I went right to sleep.

Yesterday I continued reading my Buffy book. It's not a fantastic book, but it's set up as the 8th season of Buffy, which would have crossed over with the 5th season of Angel so the book kind of pays attention to all references to Buffy from that 5th season (which were few and far between, but still), and the book got all that stuff right; I've been rewatching the 5th Season of Angel as well. I finished the book just before going to sleep last night & the ending felt really rushed, and was such a horrible let down, and not what I was hoping for at all! Pretty much all the momentum that had been picked up throughout the book led nowhere, and I guess the writer just wasn't up to the task. It sucked.

I watched the 3rd second season episode of Desperate Housewives; it sucks only watching them one at a time; they seem so short. I watched the new ALIAS with Mark, which was ok I guess; the show is going through this heavy transition, and I'm not sure the show is going to survive it. In my opinion the 1st season of the series kicked ass, and the 2nd season improved on that formula - bringing the series to new heights of coolness. The 3rd season was less successful because of things going wrong behind the scenes (Lena Olin & Gina Torres were unavailable to return), but managed to hold it together; mostly; though a plot hole was revealed to those paying attention, that has never been fixed by the writers which has tainted the show somewhat for this viewer. The 4th Season continued the mixed feeling from season 3, though it eventually improved, with random episodes reminding me why I watched the first 2 seasons, and ending with a bang, except for a line of dialogue that I just didn't accept. The 5th Season has taken care of that line of dialogue, but it has also brought great change to the series, which could possibly 'jump the shark' or it might save it. It's too early to tell. The show is often entertaining, but it's nowhere near as good as any of the Joss Whedon shows have been. whatever.

I've also been continuing to organize my collection of slash art, and seeking out still more, and I think I'm finally getting on top of that. I just had a notion to expand my Trek pages with some info that I'd like to share. Apartment Zero arrived in the mail yesterday; a film I'm proud to have in my collection. I work today, 1-5:30. I have tomorrow off; I most likely close on Sunday, and then...I don't know.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:06 AM
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   Saturday, October 8, 2005

I was in a fantastic mood all day Friday; I don't know why, but I wish I could be like that every damn day!!! Work was so much fun! I worked with DJ, Bryan, Bobby, Scott, Matt, Nate, Heidi, Jeff & Joe. I helped tons of people and met a woman who had seen Serenity & wanted to see Firefly; I talked her into buying Firefly from my webpage, and she turned out to be a fabulous woman named Ruth, who works for UofM and who will soon be creating the GLBT website of UofM's GLBT office! Very cool!

After work I watched more Angel (3 charater deaths and a good meal later I was very sleepy, but didn't want the night to end), got cleaned up and headed to Necto (in black vinyl). I actually hit Aut Bar first but ran into a fag I can't stand (he's cruel to me at every opportunity) so I just told him to fuck off and went to Necto where I ran into so many cool people; both new & old, including the cute boy (who Mark said was straight!?!) who helped me with my phone troubles. He couldn't keep his hands off my cock, but he was beyond drunk so he might not even remember that later - he also asked me if me & my boyfriend would consider having a 3some with him - but I don't have a boyfriend; I assume he meant Mark.

I also saw Pauls there; Holm & Bukowski; B was hot for H. B wants to see Serenity on Tuesday, so maybe we'll go. I met a really hot guy who was hitting on me named J.R. who is a nurse for UofM; I saw James & Quintous(?) and Robert (of course) who said he'll be hosting goth night on Halloween (now I have to go!). I saw Becky, and Matt, and Amy, and Corey, and Jason (who gives great hug), Jason Kaplan, Justin, and bunch of other peeps. It felt good to dance (though the music wasn't all that), and to dance with cute boys who were hot for me.

Too bad phone boy was so drunk though, he was almost falling over on the dance floor so I started walking him over, off the dance floor and to the seats when his friend stopped me; I think that he thought that I meant to take advantage of him, when really I was just worried that he was going to fall on something and get hurt. I left at the same time they did, but I didn't offer my help because his friend obviously didn't want it. I came home, showered and I wrote this.

When I was at work I got a voicemail from Shawn saying that he got his Absolutely Fabulous DVD's and that he loved them and that & he Jonathan would get much pleasure from them. Later Jonathan called me when I was on my lunch and invited me out to visit them on Wednesday, which I have off, so that should be fun. My hours suck again this week. I work Sunday & Thursday. Weird. Anyways - I'm super tired so I'm going to bed.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:33 AM
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I slept. But somewhere in there I woke up, took some Prilosec, and watched an episode of Angel before drifting back to sleep. I woke up again to the sound of the shower running, with a bad headache. Mark was leaving to see Serenity. I had changed my mind about going to see it with him, but now with the headache I really had no intention of going. I'm really glad he's going to see it though!!! Not being able to talk to him about it sucked a lot.

I think I might work on my webpage a bit. And I was listening to some tracks from a cd set that I never finished; a project I dropped in favor of the Shawn Foreman one, which will eventually be finished before I die - or Shawn will haunt my afterlife. Just kidding. I don't believe in an afterlife. Anyways; I was thinking that maybe I'd give a copy of the pre-shawn defunct project to Shawn & Jonathan, as it's a shame no one got to hear it; of course it might drive them insane. Actually Bryan & Ben once heard part of it, and Bryan cried and gave me a big hug, but he was really stoned at the time. lol

Alright, I need pain killer and food, and I really don't want to be writing this - but the lack of entries was kind of annoying me, so here it is.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:45 AM
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   Monday, October 10, 2005

I didn't take the pain killer on Saturday. Eventually the pain went away on it's own. I finished the 5th Season of Angel that day, which still has no ending. I know what that was the point of the show but it's highly disatisfying; I would have preferred to see Angel & Gunn die; or even all of them die, though I'd prefer that Illyria & Spike live ;-0) I don't know if I posted that I finished the Buffy book that I was reading, but I did, and up until the last 50 pages or so it was the best Buffy book ever (which isn't saying much at all) and then it all went to shit. For those not wanted to know what happens - skip ahead. Ok - so this huge battle has been brewing all through the book, but instead of really getting in there, Buffy gets knocked out and sees most of it play out while on a wacky out-of-body experience in which Whistler takes her to see the final battle on Angel - in which Angel & Spike die, and Buffy goes back to Heaven with them, until she comes back to Earth to fight the final round of the battle, with a little girl on her shoulders, who is really inside of her, as she is now pregnant with ANGEL & SPIKE'S BABY!!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK? That has got to be the most assinine ending ever. EVER!

Later on Saturday, Mark & I stopped by Mollie's work to give her a smile, and the 1st season of Nip/Tuck, as she was having a horrible day that involved assault by a wacked out customer!?! And later still Mark & I watched some Dawsons's Creek before bed.

Sunday I closed at Hollywood, with Ben & Andrea; she's so funny. I had a lot of fun at work, but I had gone to bed super early the night before, so I got really tired in the last few hours of my shift. When I got home I played a game that Mark downloaded for me; it was fun, but I'm really glad we didn't buy the real deal, as I doubt it's better than this one, and it isn't all that.

I called my sister this morning, because I saw on my phone that she had called, but hadn't left a message. She told me the reason she called was because my nephew Justin was relating everything to movies & tv shows, and that it reminded her of me, and that when she expressed this to him, he giggled, and then went on with his movie/tv stories. That's cute. ;-0) Mark called to confirm that we'd be going to the wedding reception of one of his old coworkers, Jeff - who is a fabulous guy, who I hope will be very happy. Mark also wanted to schedule a checkup for the car, because we're apparently late on that, but the earliest we can get the car there is Friday, which has him worried, which is stressing me out. blah.

I watched a dvd featuring the "Best of Graham Norton" which was faulous! ;-0) It made me giggle far too much, and featured so many guests that I know Mollie, Carrie & Karen would freak out about that I'm looking forward to sharing it with them. I may go to Necto tonight. I'm seeing Serenity again tomorrow with Mollie & Paul. And I've visiting Shawn & Jonathan on Wednesday. I work on Thursday. I have Friday & Saturday off. I wonder what I'll do the rest of the week?

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:30 PM
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   Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I didn't go to Necto last night; didn't feel like it; and also, I'm trying not to spend money. I went to see Serenity today for the 3rd time (with Mollie & Paul), but I used Mark's gift card for my ticket - which was only $5.00 because of some promotion that Showcase has running on Tuesdays. I really didn't want to see it again in theaters; I figured I'd done my part seeing it twice, since that's 2 more times than any other movie in theaters of late, but I'm really glad I saw it this time, because I really enjoyed it again.

However, I'm fried. Tired. Marcus & his son Nick are here, which is nice ;-0) My youngest nephew, Jonathan, and my neice Jillian are both ill, but they went to the walk in clinic and have a bunch of meds now, which is good, because I'd hate for anything to happen to them.

I stopped at Kroger on the way home to pick up some stuff for home; groceries & gas & bills are all allowed. Everything else is an expense I can't deal with at the moment. I had a a rather large savings, but I blew most of it on Mark's surprise birthday party, which was a shining moment of perfect bliss, but I wish I could have thrown the same party with same presents, and still had money left over... but that's just the price I paid I guess.

I'm gonna get my Star Trek books out; the ones that I just put into storage. It's easier for me to not spend money if I have a lot to read. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:35 PM
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   Thursday, October 13, 2005

I just woke up. I had a dream that I was in Milan, where I'm from. In the dream there was a funeral procession made up of just about everyone I've ever gone to High School with. I was trying to find out who had died. And the processions was all made up of people in black, walking - not of cars. Janice & Mom wouldn't tell me who died. I shouted out "Who?" - and eventually someone came and asked me what the big deal was and I tried to find out what time school was open until to see if I could go there and find out... Then I drove to the Jackson's house (neighbors & friends of the family - not the singers) and they were hosting a wake of sorts - all sorts of strange people were there. Someone eventually told me that Robbie Williams had died; not the singer - but one of 2 classmates I had with that name; then I had to find out which one it was, as I had known both of them. It was so exasperating, and I saw so many people I knew going through this elaborate mourning process, together, and I felt cheated out of it, if that makes sense... And I eventually found out that it was not the Robert who was a twin who was our neighbor, but a kid from school who sat next to me in one of my classes, who used to laugh at my jokes. And actually this boy never went to my school, he works with me at Hollywood Video and his last name isn't Williams. Anyways... these people that finally told me seemed to be implying that he killed himself and that it was for the best because his death would have been very painful otherwise.

Now - I missed a lot of school in real life, and what people I did sort of like I drifted away from because I was never there, and then I eventually dropped out of day school all together, because I could graduate faster going to night school & summer school. I still feel a bit weird about that sometimes; how the people I knew most of my school years are not considered my class anymore; as there are no invites to Class Reunions or the like - not that I would go, but I kind of feel weird about it anyways - and I've never given that a lot of thought until I woke up.

See as the dream continued this girl showed up, who probably wasn't in my class either but she was looking for someone that got left behind with other friends (the place was almost deserted at this point, as everyone had moved on to somewhere else) I was crying. And I asked her why she was looking for this other person, and she said it was because they were taking him back to be part of the family. I asked if I was even part of the family now, and she said that of course I was and she would take me with them, and I was so relieved and grateful, and happy, and I cried as she took my hand. We went to the house of this woman, who I also knew to get the friend - Mark was there, and I introduced him to the girl, and the woman, who had a dog that loved me. And I woke up.

The funeral procession wasn't just people (though there were tons of people that actually did go to my high school there, all dressed in black) - later there was a processions of strange vehicles draped in rich fabrics of white, gold, purple, & green - and peole in outlandish, but somehow respectful costumes. And everyone looked really hot. lol It was a very vivid dream.

I woke up earlier at around 9:30am from a dream in which I was driving Shawn & Jonathan around in my car, in the winter time, and I couldn't stop at a stop sign, which didn't hurt any of us, but I still felt bad about it anyways, until we realized that no one was able to stop there because of all the ice & snow. lol As I continued to drive them I explained that our car was supposed to be awesome in the winter, and I turned on the heated seats & wiper blades. For some reason I was in the passenger seat and Shawn was at the wheel, though I was definitely driving the car; and Jon was in back leaned forward so he was practically up there with us - which was fun.

So I just put some garlic bread in the oven, and I have about an hour before Mark gets here so we can both go to work. I don't need to shave because I shaved with a razor less than 24 hours ago. If I had shaved with an electric razor I would need to shave NOW. lol I'll take a shower after I eat, and then I'll be mostly ready to go.

So I had a fun, if not too exciting visit with Shawn & Jonathan yesterday evening. I didn't get there until 4pm, but I didn't leave there until about 12:30am; there was laughter and games, and wacky Shawn stuff. And there was conversation with Amber who is CLEARLY wrong about SNAPE. And I do really enjoy Jonathan's company. I hope he and Shawn stay together for a very, very long time. Or that if they don't, which I can't really imagine at this point, that I can somehow remain friends with both of them.

My food is done. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:26 AM
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   Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I can't express to you how broke we (Mark & I) are. We've been barely scraping by, but we weren't in serious trouble, exactly. And then yesterday, Mark found out that some random mistake he made when trying to save us $40.00 using his home business sent a credit card company out of whack and we now owe them $2100.00 that we don't have. No Car Payment. This Sucks. I need to get another job and I REALLY don't want one. I'll have to talk to DJ about getting more hours at Hollywood at the very least. This just really, really sucks.

I went to Necto on Friday, which was mostly lame. I relaxed on Saturday, which was fantastic! Sunday I closed at Hollywood, which was mostly fun; I only had one bitchy customer, and I didn't let her get to me, exactly. I've gotten a lot of random stuff done on my webpage, and in preperation for more changes there. And I've been extremely horny lately, which friends are saying is something we all have in common. weird.

So, we may sell the condo, and move into an apartment. If we sell the condo (which I love) then we can pay everything off, including the car, which means we'll basically have a clean slate, and a paid-for-brand-new-car. The idea is that we could save money on a lease and buy a house. That's just a radical plan, that we'll probably not be doing - but it's always there, just in case. I don't want to move. I don't want leave this place that I've lived in for 5 years; I have so many memories attached to this place - which I can't say about our old apartment - I wanted to leave that place. Sure, I have some amazing times there (mostly related to Mark), but when our boyfriend type relationship ended - it was just a good time to move. All my memories of Shawn are wrapped up in these rooms - I remember e-mailing him from this room, before I even had a bed.

I'm tired and emotional, and the things I'm trying to say, I'm not saying well. In fact I'm leaving out tons of things that I want to express, but can't seem to. I'm calling it a night.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:03 AM
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   Thursday, October 20, 2005

I had a dream that Mark & I were having a 3some with this guy Jon that I know. It was odd because I'm not really attracted to Jon, but Mark & I were really getting off on fucking him; one in his mouth, the other in his ass - then we'd switch at random intervels - bareback. Weird, but hot.

I spoke to Matt (from Bowling Green) last night for awhile. I spent most of yesterday updating my webpage; putting more of my pix in order, and chatting it up on yahoo groups.

I work today. I'm almost out of food; I need to go grocery shopping, but I doubt I'll want to do that after work. Mollie is set to come over on Friday to watch Desperate Housewives, Season 2 with me. She called me, yesterday, after slipping while getting out of the tub and smashing her face on the counter. She's as clumsy as I am, but her scrapes tend to be worse than mine. There but for the grace of falling safes...

Anyways - I've got to finish getting ready, and get out of here.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:58 AM
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   Friday, October 21, 2005

Work was a lot of fun yesterday; I worked with DJ & Jeff; Bryan stopped by in a retro brown 70's looking jacket; a new guy Pat started working, & I saw Ben before I left. I updated a bunch of stuff on my site, including a page about my collecting slash/fan/het art. I got to post 2 pix there, as the creator gave me permission! ;-0) I got even more pix in order, and I continued to update random bits of gothboy.com

I've been watching Voyager lately. It's not that it's improved, because it hasn't. But I think a lot of why I disliked the show is because of my memory. This isn't an excuse for the show's writers but I just think that most people that watch the show don't have a memory like mine. I think they watch the show and enjoy it because they don't remember the rest of the show in detail, and they don't understand that the writers are almost constantly contradicting something they've already written. DS9 actively fought against such crap. Every show has a few problems, but Voyager seemed determined to give us style over substance; new directions over established continuity. But if you just watch an episode here or there, and you just take it for what it is - it can be fantastic! Which makes me even more pissed off, because it could have been so much more than that! It's a great show if you just pretend that each episode is it's own seperate little Trek universe. lol Perhaps I'm being too harsh. I have enjoyed much of what I've seen, and it's been nice to be back in the Trek of things. And I think that Carrie might enjoy some of the episodes that I've enjoyed.

I slept pretty well this morning; more sex dreams; what's up with that? I'm not 14 anymore. Mark is picking Mollie up after he gets off work. Oh - Mark borrowed money from his parents to pay off the $2100.00 from his little mistake the other day, which means that instead of being desperately destitute, we are now just broke, which is...somewhat comforting. I knew that if Mark's parents had the money, they would lend it to him, because Mark has borrowed money from them in the past and he is very good about paying people back.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:55 PM
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Just waiting for Mollie & Mark to get here. We're going to watch the first 4 epiosdes of Desperate Housewives (season 2). Well, Mollie & I are; I don't know what Mark is going to do, because he doesn't care for the show. Maybe we'll play a game later. Mark & I started collecting board games not that long ago. I wish Carrie was coming over too; we could play LOTR Trival Pursuit; or if Adam came too, we could play the Desperate Housewives game, though I haven't seen Season 1 as recently as they have, which gives them the advantage; it would still be fun ;-0)

I got a whole slew of new supehero pix today, but it was kind of exhausting in a effortless way. blah. But it will kick ass later! ;-0)

I've been posting in a lot of yahoo groups lately, and because of this (I think) my webpage is getting a lot of traffic; I wish I could have finished the overhaul before all these new peeps discovered the place, but I may never finish the overhaul, so I guess now is as good a time as any.

I think Mollie & Mark are here; I could be wrong; but I'm gonna go now anyways.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:23 PM
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   Saturday, October 22, 2005

So, there was this little stand of forms at work, that allowed Hollywood Video people to get a discount at Sprint - I took one of the forms but can't see to find it; I tried to get another one on Thursday but they were gone. According to DJ they weren't all taken, but he wasn't sure where they were. DJ is awesome, but he has no memory for stuff that he tells you he's going to do; you have to remind him over & over again. I didn't think to remind him until after he was already gone. I called Bryan at Hollywood today to ask him about it and he said he'd check around for it, but it's likely that someone just tossed them, which would really suck, as any kind of daily savings like that would really help us out right now. Mark really wanted to get it taken care of today so he's pissy, and I'm upset, so today kind of blows.

My friends are going to Wiards Orchard tomorrow evening for fun times, but I can't go because I'm working. I'd take it off so I could join them, but we are so broke that I need to take all the hours that I'm given. It sucks too because while we've seen each other randomly over the last year, we haven't really gone places, and I'm jonesing for some together time in a non-home-non-theater setting in which there are many conversations and fun stuffs happening. ;-0( I might be able to join them after I get off of work, but it would be apartment based fun, which is nice too; it just seems like we never go do anything anymore - and I know it's because we're all broke, but I really miss it. We haven't gone to Cedar Point in nearly 5 years - which I can understand because our last trip nearly killed me. But we didn't do any of the wacky/lame/funny things we usually do; no LazerTag or trips to the cemetary. A few of us did go to Vegas in April, but I was so sick and uncomfortable that I wished I could have stayed home - I only toughed it out so that my friends could go and have a good time. We do have some great pictures & videos and stuff of that time - but I mostly just wanted to sleep while I was actually there. erg.

Anyways; I'll just have to make sure that we do more stuff together once we're less broke. Mark & Mollie have talked about taking the train to Chicago which seems like a reasonbly cool adventure. I bet Carrie, Karen & Adam would all enjoy that; maybe Kenny could go too - and Bryan & company. Hmmm. ;-0)

I want to be reading a good book. And I'm limited to the ones that I own, because I'm trying to save money (which I've been doing with some success!). I'm used to having a certain amount of money in the bank for emergencies and I don't currently have that, which troubles me. So I'm trying to at least get that back before I start buying stuff again; I might break down and buy a few things on my list that will cost a lot more if I buy them later, but I'm still not sure. There's a certain satisfaction in not spending money, though the urge to spend is great.

I have all these Star Trek books that I haven't read, which I want to read, but I'm having trouble choosing which one I should read. lol I'm so hopeless at making decisions like that; which my sister Janice used to love to comment on. I wish Janice lived in Ann Arbor. If she did I'd spend a lot more time with her & her family. I should plan a fun trip for us as a family.

I've been having an online e-mail exchange with this guy who found my website through a link in a yahoo message. He seems nice; he lives in California with his boyfriend, and they used to watch Buffy, Angel & Enterprise together. They watch Smallville too, though I never have. I told them all about me & Mark; maybe we'll all become great friends. Maybe we won't, but it's nice anyways.

I'm gonna have a snack or something; maybe call Janice, and think about train trips for everybody.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:31 PM
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   Sunday, October 23, 2005

We got the discount thing straightened out with Sprint (we think) and there was lots of talking that I don't have time to get into now. I started reading The Brave & The Bold duology; it's pretty good so far. I'm eating, and then I have to leave for work; there's so much on my mind right now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:40 PM
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   Monday, October 24, 2005

Work went well; I had good customers, and I picked up a shift for tomorrow, which is good because being broke sucks. I've got a kind of crush on this guy I think - or something... which is ok. I just... erg. I want to write more but I'm really tired and I just want to unwind and get some sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:12 AM
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   Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Work was fun again on Monday, and I picked up yet another shift for today, which has me working 6 days in a row, when I haven't worked more than 3 days a week for the last 4 or 5 months. I'm not complaining; I really need the money; I'm just hoping that it all goes smoothly; I tend to get a bit cranky around the 4th day of working in a row. We got the 2nd season of Nip/Tuck in at work, so I rented the first 2 volumes and took them to Mollie's after work; she gave me back Desperate Housewives, which She, Carrie & Adam had all watched. I went to Kroger to pick up some prilosec, came home, read the new Entertainment Weekly, and fell asleep around 12:30am. I woke up at 3:30am with a horrible headache. I took some Midrin, had a snack, and read more of my Trek book, which is good. My headache is mostly gone now but I can't seem to sleep. I may finish off the first section of the book...

So I talked to Mark about possibly getting back together. Mark & I; our relationship is really odd; unique is how how more than person has described us. We're really affectionate; often holding hands in public; lots of hugging; a peck on the cheek and all of that - plus we're always telling each other that we love each other. We've been intimate; we dated for 4 years after all; we're naked around each other constantly; often times showering together... We're not especially sexually compatable, which was once a big deal for me, but as I'm getting older that seems to be less important. He's seen me at my best & my worst (and I've seen him too) and we're still there for each other. That's what seems to matter most. And our families, as upset as some of them were when we first started dating, have had nearly 10 years to get used to us together; most of my family attended his surprise birthday party; my mother sat next to him; if he isn't with me, my nephews and niece ask me where he is. When people first meet me & Mark - they usually assume we're a couple - which annoyed me for the longest time. People that knew us when we were a couple, and run into us now, assume that we've gotten back together, or that we never seperated. And I guess I just wondered if maybe they see something that Mark & I didn't... And I talked to him about this on Saturday, and he said he didn't want our friendship to change; he had serious issues, that I won't discuss here because they are not mine to share, but... well, they aren't something that I can change for him, or whatever.

We also talked about how when we imagine falling in love with anyone else, how we imagine that these people will just live with us, and we won't grow apart - which we admitted is asking a lot of these people. Perhaps we'll find people like that; who are secure enough to not be threatened by us; but I somehow doubt it. True; I've dated plenty since we broke up, but none of those relationships has really lasted more than 6 months. The guys have never really said that Mark's presence bothered them... But a lot of the things that people look for in a relationship (snuggles, affection, The-I-Love-You kind of stuff) I have with Mark. We have that deep connection and friendship and all sorts of levels because of what we've shared together all of these years, and that has to be intimidating to others - while at the same time, it makes me less 'needy' of that kind of attention, and more circumspect when it comes to the choices I make concerning other guys. And if I ever did fall in love with someone else, and it came to me leaving Mark behind, it would be devastating to us both; we cried during this conversation, but it was something that needed to be discussed, and I'm glad that we had that.

Now this may seem like an odd topic after that one, but there's this guy that's come into Hollywood a couple of times who I'm more than a little attracted to. He's married, and usually my attraction to such people wouldn't be anything more than that; I mean, I'm attracted to a lot of people, and it's not a big deal... But this guy seems to be attracted to me too. It's odd. And I like it. But he's married. It sucks. So, there's that. Everytime I've seen him, there's been sparks; and it hasn't just been me that's noticed, so it's not all in my head. roar. It's fun for now just to enjoy the sensation. I'm not worried about it.

I work 2-8 today. I work 1-5:30 Wed-Fri. I have Saturday off, and probably close on Sunday. I'm now working more than 30 hours this week, which is more than anyone who is not a manager. I got to work with DJ, Bryan, Heidi & Matt today. Ben & Joe stopped in (seperately). It was all good, though it was really dead the last 4 hours or so, and it wasn't busy before that. Matt said I could go home 3 hours before my shift ended, but I told him I couldn't afford to. I really don't enjoy this 'needing' money thing. blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:16 AM
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After the last entry, I decided that I would pre-order Episode III & the 4th Season of Enterprise. I have enough money for those, and I've wanted them for long enough. Both will complete collections, in a sense. I want to get The L Word Season 2, and Alias Season 4, but I've decided to hold off on those for awhile, despite the fact that their prices spike after a few weeks. Alias is currently about $38.00 but will be $52.00 soon enough. I don't know the current price of L Word.

I finished the first section of my book, started the 2nd, and got to sleep again around 7am. I woke up around 11:30am. I have to be ready to go at 1:30, which gives me an hour and a half. I need to shave & shower, and eat. I should get ready now, but I really want to lay down for a little while longer. I think that will be ok.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:53 AM
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   Saturday, October 29, 2005

This week has been pretty good. Worked tons! But it's been great seeing everybody everyday ;-0) I got my Trek DVD's back, which is really cool; I love sharing the wealth, but when I'm broke I'm extra worried when it's not within eyesight. I hung out with Mollie, Kenny, Adam & Karen Thursday night; lots of laughter, which was just what I needed. Been watching Will & Grace; more laughter; just what the doctor ordered. I finished my Trek book tonight, which was lots of fun. Trek's Sulu, George Takei came out of the closet; what's not to love?

I'm listening to a new mashup, which is pretty cool. I haven't heard one this good in a long while. It's been 2 years since our visit with Amber. Tomorrow I'm planning on lots of sleep & relaxation; then at 9pm I'm heading to Soloman & Janella's for a party, which I'm really looking forward to. ;-0) I've not plans for the rest of the night, except maybe some more reading. I might work on mixing some mashup cds for Shawn/Jonathan, as I got their blessing for more. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:36 AM
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   Sunday, October 30, 2005

Mark & I had a blast at S&J's party last night! We mixed and mingled, and chatted and laughed and it was all good. In hindsight I feel really bad that we didn't play the BANG game. But Euchre was so much fun. God, I'm old.

I woke up today around noon, and Mark's door was closed, so I figured he was still asleep, or he just didn't want to be bothered. I watched some Will & Grace, and cleaned my room, and dug out the Trek books I want to read next. I put the big chair that I sit on in front of my computer in his room when I vacuum; when I did that I found he wasn't in his room. Hmmm. I vacuumed, put the chair back, put my clothes in the dryer and called Mark but there was no answer; I called Mollie and there was no answer. A few minutes later I saw Mark walking up to the door, and he had some stuff, so I figured he spent the day shopping or something (undoubtedly for inexpensive stuff) but then he mentioned he was with Mollie. Now - Mollie & Mark are friends, but it's very unlike them to not include me, though if I didn't feel like going out and they did - that would be ok - it's just odd not to be invited, you know? But it turns out that Mark tried waking me up this morning saying that Mollie called and needed a ride to the E.R.!?! She's got another kidney stone, and she's got a ton of drugs, and I just don't remember any of that. I was supposed to drop off some more Nip/Tuck to Mollie after work, but now I don't know if I'm supposed to. I hope she'll be ok.

erg.

I have to work at 7pm. I'm not really wanting to go. My work clothes are in the dryer though, and I'm gonna go have a snack. I'll call Mollie later to see if she wants some Nip/Tuck; if I don't get through, I'll get them anyways, and try getting them to her tomorrow.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:00 PM
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