Sunday, October 23, 2005

We got the discount thing straightened out with Sprint (we think) and there was lots of talking that I don't have time to get into now. I started reading The Brave & The Bold duology; it's pretty good so far. I'm eating, and then I have to leave for work; there's so much on my mind right now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:40 PM
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   Monday, October 24, 2005

Work went well; I had good customers, and I picked up a shift for tomorrow, which is good because being broke sucks. I've got a kind of crush on this guy I think - or something... which is ok. I just... erg. I want to write more but I'm really tired and I just want to unwind and get some sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:12 AM
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   Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Work was fun again on Monday, and I picked up yet another shift for today, which has me working 6 days in a row, when I haven't worked more than 3 days a week for the last 4 or 5 months. I'm not complaining; I really need the money; I'm just hoping that it all goes smoothly; I tend to get a bit cranky around the 4th day of working in a row. We got the 2nd season of Nip/Tuck in at work, so I rented the first 2 volumes and took them to Mollie's after work; she gave me back Desperate Housewives, which She, Carrie & Adam had all watched. I went to Kroger to pick up some prilosec, came home, read the new Entertainment Weekly, and fell asleep around 12:30am. I woke up at 3:30am with a horrible headache. I took some Midrin, had a snack, and read more of my Trek book, which is good. My headache is mostly gone now but I can't seem to sleep. I may finish off the first section of the book...

So I talked to Mark about possibly getting back together. Mark & I; our relationship is really odd; unique is how how more than person has described us. We're really affectionate; often holding hands in public; lots of hugging; a peck on the cheek and all of that - plus we're always telling each other that we love each other. We've been intimate; we dated for 4 years after all; we're naked around each other constantly; often times showering together... We're not especially sexually compatable, which was once a big deal for me, but as I'm getting older that seems to be less important. He's seen me at my best & my worst (and I've seen him too) and we're still there for each other. That's what seems to matter most. And our families, as upset as some of them were when we first started dating, have had nearly 10 years to get used to us together; most of my family attended his surprise birthday party; my mother sat next to him; if he isn't with me, my nephews and niece ask me where he is. When people first meet me & Mark - they usually assume we're a couple - which annoyed me for the longest time. People that knew us when we were a couple, and run into us now, assume that we've gotten back together, or that we never seperated. And I guess I just wondered if maybe they see something that Mark & I didn't... And I talked to him about this on Saturday, and he said he didn't want our friendship to change; he had serious issues, that I won't discuss here because they are not mine to share, but... well, they aren't something that I can change for him, or whatever.

We also talked about how when we imagine falling in love with anyone else, how we imagine that these people will just live with us, and we won't grow apart - which we admitted is asking a lot of these people. Perhaps we'll find people like that; who are secure enough to not be threatened by us; but I somehow doubt it. True; I've dated plenty since we broke up, but none of those relationships has really lasted more than 6 months. The guys have never really said that Mark's presence bothered them... But a lot of the things that people look for in a relationship (snuggles, affection, The-I-Love-You kind of stuff) I have with Mark. We have that deep connection and friendship and all sorts of levels because of what we've shared together all of these years, and that has to be intimidating to others - while at the same time, it makes me less 'needy' of that kind of attention, and more circumspect when it comes to the choices I make concerning other guys. And if I ever did fall in love with someone else, and it came to me leaving Mark behind, it would be devastating to us both; we cried during this conversation, but it was something that needed to be discussed, and I'm glad that we had that.

Now this may seem like an odd topic after that one, but there's this guy that's come into Hollywood a couple of times who I'm more than a little attracted to. He's married, and usually my attraction to such people wouldn't be anything more than that; I mean, I'm attracted to a lot of people, and it's not a big deal... But this guy seems to be attracted to me too. It's odd. And I like it. But he's married. It sucks. So, there's that. Everytime I've seen him, there's been sparks; and it hasn't just been me that's noticed, so it's not all in my head. roar. It's fun for now just to enjoy the sensation. I'm not worried about it.

I work 2-8 today. I work 1-5:30 Wed-Fri. I have Saturday off, and probably close on Sunday. I'm now working more than 30 hours this week, which is more than anyone who is not a manager. I got to work with DJ, Bryan, Heidi & Matt today. Ben & Joe stopped in (seperately). It was all good, though it was really dead the last 4 hours or so, and it wasn't busy before that. Matt said I could go home 3 hours before my shift ended, but I told him I couldn't afford to. I really don't enjoy this 'needing' money thing. blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:16 AM
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After the last entry, I decided that I would pre-order Episode III & the 4th Season of Enterprise. I have enough money for those, and I've wanted them for long enough. Both will complete collections, in a sense. I want to get The L Word Season 2, and Alias Season 4, but I've decided to hold off on those for awhile, despite the fact that their prices spike after a few weeks. Alias is currently about $38.00 but will be $52.00 soon enough. I don't know the current price of L Word.

I finished the first section of my book, started the 2nd, and got to sleep again around 7am. I woke up around 11:30am. I have to be ready to go at 1:30, which gives me an hour and a half. I need to shave & shower, and eat. I should get ready now, but I really want to lay down for a little while longer. I think that will be ok.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:53 AM
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   Saturday, October 29, 2005

This week has been pretty good. Worked tons! But it's been great seeing everybody everyday ;-0) I got my Trek DVD's back, which is really cool; I love sharing the wealth, but when I'm broke I'm extra worried when it's not within eyesight. I hung out with Mollie, Kenny, Adam & Karen Thursday night; lots of laughter, which was just what I needed. Been watching Will & Grace; more laughter; just what the doctor ordered. I finished my Trek book tonight, which was lots of fun. Trek's Sulu, George Takei came out of the closet; what's not to love?

I'm listening to a new mashup, which is pretty cool. I haven't heard one this good in a long while. It's been 2 years since our visit with Amber. Tomorrow I'm planning on lots of sleep & relaxation; then at 9pm I'm heading to Soloman & Janella's for a party, which I'm really looking forward to. ;-0) I've not plans for the rest of the night, except maybe some more reading. I might work on mixing some mashup cds for Shawn/Jonathan, as I got their blessing for more. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:36 AM
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