Sunday, April 9, 2006

I watched Brokeback Mountain on DVD last night. Jennifer had left a message on my phone saying that she & Tracy were finally going to see it, and I thought it would be neat to watch it again, and then talk to her about it. I liked it more the 2nd time, and I'm really glad I own it. I watched all the extras. The pain subsided during the viewing, but didn't leave altogether.

I woke up this morning with no pain except the horrible migraine kind, which I took 2 midrin for, and has since disappeared. I haven't been in any kidney stone kind of pain today, which I'm grateful for. I caught up on some e-mail. I'm doing some laundry in preperation for work... And I ate, while drinking lots of water.

I can't seem to make up my mind lately. I mean... I keep changing my mind about really stupid things. Yesterday I was all about reading Star Wars... and today I kind of want to box all the books up again, and change things in my room again. I don't know where all this indecision is coming from, but part of me is amused, while the other part is just confused. Whatever.

I really like my GLBT movie collection. I kind of feel like I should have a book collection too, but I wouldn't know where to put it. I wish I had more shelves. I wish I had more movies, and books. I'm so greedy lately.

And while I'm wishing for things, I wish I had more cash to get more movies. I bought some this weekend while I was trying to distract myself from the horrible pain I was feeling, and in retrospect I really shouldn't have. I only have about $100.00 in my savings, and that's really pathetic. Plus, I owe Mark a bunch of money for the car. I used to have money in the bank, but I spent almost all of it on Mark's birthday party last year, which was wonderful, and a perfect day, but since then, my spending has depleted my account to next to nothing. Mark used to buy me movies, but we can't afford it anymore, which sucks, because I was used to getting my little movie fix on a weekly basis. I should just not buy anything for awhile and save my money. But then I see a movie for my shelf and I forget all about that. I have an addiction. I should make a list of the movies I want most, and get 1 a week or something, so that I can keep ordering, but not go broke. I'm such a pussy sometimes.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:56 PM
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   Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Work on Monday went great, with no pain. I actually haven't felt any since Saturday night, which is fantastic...I think. I'm not sure how this works exactly, and I won't know until my ultrasound on the 18th, and my followup with the doc on the 20th. Hopefully everything will sort itself out.

I worked with DJ and Bryan most of the day, and we had a lot of fun. It's so cool talking to DJ about Buffy now, because he really GETS it now, and enjoys it a lot. It's cool how Bryan, DJ and I are all around the same age, and yet so different, but friendly, and affectionate. ;-0) Joe, Heidi, and Bobby eventually joined my work day, and all were appreciated. Matt & Pat both stopped in around the same time. We have a really great mix of people at Hollwood, and I'm really glad to be part of that, though I'm slightly burnt out on the customer/guest side of things, which I bonded with DJ about.

I worked a about an hour over, waiting for Mark, but I didn't mind. After we got home, I read the new Advocate, watched Mark's footage of his adorable nephew, and then took a nap. I woke up around 10:30pm, and since then I've been kind of out of it. I considered going to Necto for Factory Night (goth night), but I'm pretty sure there's a band playing or something, and I wasn't in the mood. I finally set up an about me page on e-bay, which you can see here. I'm going to eat soon, and maybe do some reading, but I'm not sure. I feel really restless.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:51 AM
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   Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I didn't end up working today; Matt called just before I was set to roll out of bed to tell me that they were dead slow, and that if I wanted I could skip work. That was cool, because I got to sleep in, and then get the car from Mark, and mail my taxes out. I also got groceries, and made some more JLU tapes for Nate & Pat. While I waited for Mark to get out of work I called Steve, Joy, Carrie, Courntey & Linda Riker. Linda called me back, but her phone was messing up really bad, and I couldn't make out a lot of what was being said; it sucked.

When I got home, I ate, and Carrie called me back, but comcast called and I had to take care of that, so I didn't get to talk to Carrie. I also had to get ready to go see Erich's band play at the Elbow Room. I shouldn't have bothered, but I didn't know that at the time. I looked really good. I saw Erich, and Adam, and I met this guy David who was also playing, and later I met Amanda, who plays with Erich & Adam. It was all going nice, and I was looking forward to the show... But then I asked Erich why he hadn't been into Hollywood lately, and he told me it was because of the 3 messages I'd left him a while back. Now - he gave me his phone # so we could hang out. He lost my phone #, and came into the video store to get the # again, and asked me if we could hang out 2 weeks from that night. After those 2 weeks passed, and I hadn't heard from him, I called him, and left a message. When I didn't hear back from him a few days later, I left another message. And a few days later I left a final message, in which I was a little weird; I'd just got out of work, and I was laughing with and at Heidi, but I was just playing around and it wasn't anything scary. But this creeped Erich out. He said the first 2 messages were fine. He did not say why he didn't call me back after those first 2 messages... only that he doesn't usually do that. So I have no clue why he got my phone # (twice!); he told me it was because he didn't want to hurt my feelings... um... that doesn't make any sense. Even if it was only the first time it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, but to then come to me and get the phone # again - so as to not hurt my feelings... doesn't make any sense. Regardless, the tactic didn't work, and he hurt me. He said that I shouldn't feel weird and that this was all his fault and that he was an asshole, and I agreed. I asked him why he led me to believe we would be hanging out, and that I'd get to see his wife (who he said wanted to meet me) and Cheryl again, if he was weirded out - but he now said that he doesn't want to hang out with me - that we probably don't have a lot in common, and that he has to take care of his sick wife, and that between that and his band, he needs to concentrate on the friends that he already has. How shitty is that? He told me his wife is really sick, and that she's only gone out twice in the last year because of her health problems, which is really sad, and I feel really bad for her, and bad for me too, because I was really looking forward to meeting her. He said he reacts badly when people have crushes on him, and said that I used that word about him once in conversation. And I did have a crush on him, but I'm attracted to a lot of people, and I have crushes on more than one of them, and almost all of these people are my friends, and they are all aware of my feelings. The 1st of the 2 poems that I wrote about him bothered him because of the meter, and possibly the content - but I actually asked if I should write about him (which I don't think I've ever done before - for anybody else) and he encouraged me to do so! And I even discussed what the content would be, and he was still cool with it. And the poetry is all about how he's hot, but that he's a lot like people in the past that I've met and been attracted to, but became really good friends with. How is that scary? I'm just so disappointed, and pissed off, and hurt right now. I feel like I just lost a really good friend, and several potentially good friends, for no real reason, or not one that makes any sense. It doesn't make sense to me. At all. Which makes it worse. He apologised. I told him I was sorry if any of this crap was my fault, and that I hoped his wife would get better, and wished his band well, but that I was leaving. He said he could get me my cover fee back, but I just left.

After I left there were these 2 guys standing by my car, who called me a faggot. I told them that yeah, I am a faggot, and I waited for them to jump me. I felt like I knew I was gonna get thrashed, but I also felt like I was going to enjoy jamming my keys into the one guy's face. They didn't do anything, and seemed shocked that I'd spoken up. I got in the car - taking my time - daring them to try something, and when they did nothing, I pulled away.

I almost cried. I called Mollie, but she didn't answer. She called me back after she got my message with sounded dire. She made me feel better, and helped affirm my perspective. erg. I talked to Mark when I got home. I feel better. I just... what a waste. I really, really liked him. Not just... I wanted to be his friend, and I wanted him to be mine. I wanted to meet Erin, and to see Cheryl again, and I was really excited about having made these friends! And that's all gone now, for no reason that I can make sense of. It's all so stupid. And I didn't expect that at all.

I called Steve, but he hasn't called me back. I feel like I could go out again now. I might. I'd really like to see Steve again soon. I feel like a lot of my problems lately... or not problems exactly, but little things that I've kept to myself that have been holding me back from being myself are coming to light lately. And it's good. And I'm good. ;-0)

The whole Erich thing is one weird story in my wacky weird life. And now that others have confirmed this, and I know I'm not turning into my insane father, I'm good. Or I'm in shock, and have gone numb. One or the other.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:24 PM
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   Thursday, April 13, 2006

What a strange night! First there was the senseless death of a blooming friendship, that left me reeling... And then I just bounced right back! It...was so...I don't know. I just know I did nothing wrong, and that I'm proud of everything I did do; no regrets, and that's a great feeling. When that feeling hit me, I called Steve, and then went to Aut Bar on the off chance that Robert would be there, so I could give him his cd. He was. Franklin, Fabio, Garrett & James were all there too. Matt was there as well, and I had a great time chatting away. Matt & I fit very well together...like physically, very well...but I don't know if we could ever...you know.

After the bar, Robert, Franklin, Garrett and I sat in Robert's shoebox and sang. Robert was so excited about his cd, and when he later played my cd intro, Garrett and Franklin, who had heard it many times in the past, were told that it was me, and they both seemed impressed, which was nice to hear. The singing was fabulous; I love it when we sing together...they bring out The Voice. ;-0) Mark called a couple times, worried about me, but he talked to Robert and got to hear us sing, before he went to bed. Wow.

Earlier, at the bar, just after I found out Robert was there, and went out to get his cd, Steve called me back. He was on his way home to make some dinner, and then sleep, before starting his day all over tomorrow. It was good to hear his voice, and I want to see him soon, but he mentioned for the first time that he's going away for 2 months. I didn't know about this, and I was disappointed, but we'll still be in touch, so it's not that big a deal. ;-0)

I should sleep, but I'm so wired now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:56 AM
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   Friday, April 14, 2006

Paul came over around 3:30pm, I think, or he left for here around then. We had a really nice visit, and Mark joined us soon enough. I called Jennifer and got the Paul/Jennifer thing all squared away, and we went to drop off my movies (and talked to Heidi about the Erich thing last night - to which she was equally shocked and confused) and got pizza. We watched "Score" as I thought it might appeal to Paul's 70's straight porn fixation, and it was a blast! ;-0) By the time he left, around midnight, I was exhausted. I stroked off, for the first time in days, showered, and now I'm writing this. I'll probably record some more JLU and get some reading in before oblivion.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:04 AM
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   Saturday, April 15, 2006

Work was all about the annoying customers on Friday. There was one customer in particular who returned a dvd, and told me that another Hollywood employee had left them a message letting them know they had a movie checked out (the account was noted that they had been called after the standard 30 days - before that point we just assume they know they have the movie, because we assume that our customers aren't stupid). She said she came in after the message and spoke to someone and told them she didn't think that she had the movie, but the person she spoke to told her that it wasn't a big deal, but that they had just done a full store inventory, and that if she could just check at home, that would be great. She did check at home, and she found the movie, but she then said (this is the part that hurts my brain), that since she didn't realize she still had the movie, she felt that I should delete her 40-something-dollar late fee...because, she obviously wasn't responsible for returning a movie that she rented if she forgot that she had it!?! I told her I could cut the fee in half, and also reminded her that she did not even have to pay her fees in order to rent, but she didn't like that at all. She said that if I couldn't delete the whole fee she would just buy the movie. I explained that if she wanted the movie, and bought it for herself that would be fine, but that the fees would still be on her account. People have fees on their accounts for every day that the movie they've rented hasn't been in the store, and hasn't been paid for, and isn't available to other people, who want to pay for it. People generally buy movies, only when they've lost them, and want to replace the movie for the store, rather than deal with a collection agency. That doesn't mean that their fees go away. But our store policy is that if someone has fees on their account, that's ok, and that if they want to rent they don't have to pay, which I don't understand why people are so upset that they have late fees, if they feel like they don't deserve them, because they don't have to pay them if they feel that way. It's one of those things that bothers me. Well, this woman wanted to talk to a manager, because even though she was a good customer (as she told me repeatedly, even though she's ALWAYS been really snippy), I didn't feel like I could delete a huge fee like that for such a stupid reason. I would have considered it if she had been in a hospital, or sick, or grief stricken or something, but her reasoning was just really shitty. She asked me to tell the manager to call her when he returned to the store (he was at the bank), but I told her that it wasn't store policy to call customers in this instance, and that if she could just call back before 5pm he would most likely be in the store. This whole time I was really polite. I didn't raise my voice, or return her snippy remarks, or (and this was realy hard not to do) laugh, and I was a little scared that she was going to attack me. In retrospect, it might have been best to just delete the damned thing, but I've never been asked to delete a fee that was so huge, and for no good reason, so I was thrown. And shaving off half of the fee would have saved her more than $20.00 that she so obviously, legitimately owes the store, so I think that was a huge favor, that she didn't even consider. Anyway... that was the major bad customer I had, but there were some nice ones too; there are just days where the annoying ones number higher than there's any reason for them too. And for the record, since we have such a great group of people working at the store right now, it's the customers who make or break my job these days, and for the most part I have some really great customers, for which I'm really very grateful. I think I should tell the really great ones how much I appreciate them ;-0)

We were busy at times, but it was mostly dead after 5pm. I would have left early, but I got dropped off at work. I took an hour lunch, but still worked a bit over. I left a cd for DJ with the Buffy Musical soundtrack on it, plus other Buffy tracks, and a Queen mashup he asked for. I'm going to go into the store later to return some movies, talk to DJ about the days I need off this week (for my ultrasound & followup), and hopefully talk to him about Buffy as well! ;-0)

After work, I worked on a special project for awhile, ate, and later slept. I woke up around midnight, and talked to Mark about hooking up the old recorder on the downstairs computer so I could get some recording done soon. I tried watching Eden, but it's basically softcore straight porn, with a crappy soapy story. I'm going to give Footballers Wive$ a shot; I've heard that there are some hot gay storylines in the current, 3rd season; we have the first 2 at work.

I read a thing about Buffy & lesbianism last night online, and it mentioned that the Tara/Willow relationship was & remains the longest running lesbian/bisexual romance in broadcast television history (not cable), and that the love scene in the final season was the first lesbian love scene on television. Wow. Buffy rocks! They mentioned the major 3 lesbians on the show, but they didn't mention the girls from the bar in season 6's "Smashed", and the lesbians on campus in the 4th Season, not to mention gay characters like Larry, and... was there only Larry? lol It seemed like Andrew was gay, but then... I would say he either had major issues, or was bi. There were gay characters and references sprinkled throughout Angel as well. Anyways... the point is, it got me wanting to watch some Buffy, so I watched 4 Season 7 episodes, including the final 3. I think the show ends very well, but I wish they had stuck with the original script.

Anyway... I should get up and ready, and go to Hollywood.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:12 PM
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