Sunday, September 21, 2008

Mark & I left for the party around 7pm on Saturday. We stopped at our storage unit, Kmart, the bank & a gas station. We got there a little before 8pm I think. It was good to see Robert and meet some of his friends; good to see Di, Bryan, Chris. Good to spend time with Mark, and Michael who joined us.

Michael might come hang out later tonight.

After the party, Mark & I went to Kroger to get groceries and then came home. I'd take a few pain killers at the party, and Michael gave me an amazing massage so I was very relaxed, but I could still feel the heachache a bit. I layed down for an hour, and Mark worked on my computer for a bit. I eventually went to Aut Bar for an hour where I saw Mark, Al, David (who I went out on a date with about 5 years ago), Tracy (who I went out with 2 years ago) - I met lots of people to, such as Doug, Raphael, Felix (who has an amazing ass), &...other people I can't recall at the moment.

I left the bar after 2am, but kind of early for that crowd as I could feel my headache returning in full force. Now I'm going to have a snack and see if that helps at all. If it does, then I'll finish my Star Trek: Destiny book, and if it doesn't...I'll probably lay down for awhile.

8 Days Until Sarah Jane!

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:25 AM
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I finished my book, then fell asleep. I was having the most bizarre but interesting dreams. I was helping people at Meijer, and my mother was a cashiere there... and then I was at my old church where the police were investigating something...which involved them mesasuring all kinds of facts involving my Great-Grandfather's high-powered motor chair. 1 of the tests involved my step-father lifting and carrying the chair (with my G-G in it), backwards and I told Doug (my S-F) to be careful. Around that time I realized the voice of the officer that was talking was Mark and I woke up to hear Mark, through my door, talking on his phone. He has this cell phone that doesn't look like a phone, and when he talks on it he talks very loudly - and very rarely closes his door. I was upset, but then I realized it sounded like it was a work related call and wandered back to my room. After he got off the phone he apologised.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:13 AM
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I couldn't get back to sleep, so I wrote a review of that first Destiny book at Trek message board that I go to. Now I think I'll have a snack and start reading a different book; maybe the next New Frontier one.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:25 AM
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I didn't start reading a new book. Instead I watched "Wolverine & the X-Men", a new animated X-Men series. It's the darkest animated incarnation yet and is far better than the last one (I couldn't stand X-Men: Evolution); it has a serialized storyline so far, and I plan to keep watching it. I watched the first 2 episodes with Mark (the only 2 episodes to air - there will be 26 this season) and then went back to sleep. I slept until around 6pm. I told Mark I was ready to learn stuff, as he was gonna teach me about selling stuff on e-bay, but he wasn't ready yet, so I had a snack. Only I forgot to take my pills before the snack and by the time I took them it was too late. The next 2 hours were a terrible reminder of what my life was like before the pills. Now I'm just waiting for my stomach to settle so I can retake my pills and keep them down. Ick.

I did learn some stuff about the e-bay-ing of items...so the lesson wasn't a total waste, but we're now calling that lesson 1, when we'd planned on me learning everything at once. I'm gonna clean my room a bit; it's not that messy; just a bit untidy. And I have to seal this box, which is the official ending of my first lesson.

I'm having a AVP LAN party this Tuesday night with my former Hollywood coworkers: Bryan, DJ, & Mike. I might invite Michael to join us, but there might be another Hollywood member joining us so I don't want to overcrowd the place, so I've got to wait on that one.

8 Days until Sarah Jane Smith! 1 week from tomorrow night we'll (hopefully) have the next 2 episodes of the Whoniverse. :-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:09 PM
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   Monday, September 22, 2008

Michael's here. He just stepped out for a cigarette, or a phone call or something. It feels nice having him here, though slightly odd. He doesn't feel single anymore; not to me anyways, so I feel weird having lustful thoughts about him. It's odd.

Anyways. I just wanted to note that.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:35 AM
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Michael just left. It was a very nice visit with a lot of laughter and fun, but I was disturbingly turned on so it was kind of hard to think, or concentrate on anything. That will pass I'm sure. I've been through this with other ex-bfs before. Erg. I thought he hadn't been reading my blog so he didn't know stuff...and then he commented on some stuff from my blog, so I'm not sure, but then he didn't know and now is going to read my blog... which makes me nervous all of a sudden. I actually think the entry is hidden though. Maybe I could just copy and paste the gist of it or something. lol

But...even though I was tempted to hook up with him, I didn't. So...go me. Except that means I'm not getting layed, which sucks. lol. Oh well. It sucks to be an adult sometimes...not that I'm an expert or anything.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:59 AM
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I watched the new episode of True Blood; I'm so loving this show! I also watched the season premiere of Smallville, which I didn't expect to enjoy after last season's crapfest, but instead I thought it was the best episode since Season 6; well done. Desperate Housewives and 'Brothers & Sisters' return on Sunday. The Sarah Jane Adventures return a week from today. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:06 AM
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I had trouble sleeping this morning, so I finished watching the Voyager episode "Dark Frontier". The Destiny trilogy of books that I've beey hyping here for over a year, (the first of which I just finished reading yesterday) concern the Borg and look to explore their history and their true ending, so I'm reviewing some of the highlights of the Borg. Then later I watched the movie "Prime", which is one of those MANY movies on my GLBT inclusive shelf that I own but had never seen. Michael had talked about it the night before so I figured now was the time. It was ok. I didn't feel stupid for watching it, and I liked the point of the movie. It wasn't perfection, but it wasn't trying to be. I finally fell asleep around 12:30pm.

I woke up around 5:50pm. I felt ill. I don't think it was actual sickness or my stomach problems plaguing me, but something else. I got sick on my comforter though, and put it in the washer before texting Mark and going back to sleep. It took me about 40 minutes to get back to sleep I think; maybe longer. I felt cold, which is odd for me in my room.

I woke up again around 9:30pm. I had strange dreams about old school friends and ATM money encounters gone criminally wrong. Mark was home, and he'd picked up stuff from the store for me...and my comforter was already dry from the dryer. Mark & I chatted a bit...and now I'm writing this.

I usually go to Necto on Mondays, but that moment of feeling horrible makes me wonder if it's not a better idea to stay home and work on some other projects.

Hopefully, 1 week from now I'll be watching, or will already have seen the first 2 episodes of the new Sarah Jane Adventures. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:12 PM
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   Tuesday, September 23, 2008

About Michael.

So some of this is old news and people may want to skip it. This is a simplified version of events, but I don't feel like writing the whole sorted story out again...

I started dating Michael a little less than a year ago. The date is conjectured, but we know for sure that we started actually dating and not just chatting, sometime in November of 2007. Things went very well, and I was enjoying myself quite a lot. But I felt like Michael was falling in love with me, and I wasn't falling in love back. And since that imbalance would undoubtedly bite us in the ass later, I called it quits; just in time as he was about to confess his love for me. We managed to remain friends, and not long after we decided to continue as lovers.

I tried to date other people, which didn't really work. Michael starting hanging out with this guy Chris, who was hot for him. I asked Michael mutliple times if this was something that could become something more and he shot that down everytime I brought it up. My thinking at the time, was that if he & Chris had a shot I was going to back off so as not to be a problem for them (or myself).

So we continued as we were, and everything seemed fine. About this time I started realizing I had deeper feelings for Michael. But also in this time I found that Chris had deeper feelings for Michael too, and as Chris had confided this in me, I felt weird about pursuing more with Michael. But since Michael had assured me that nothing was going to happen with Chris I felt safe just standing by and waiting for that ship to sail so I could move on with Michael.

Only that ship didn't sail. It's anchored in port, and according to both Chris and Michael now there is a chance for them to date. Michael insists that for now they are only just roomies (they moved in together), but he contsantly talks about Chris now, and he seldom if ever uses the pronouns I or me - it's always us & we, referring to Chris. They go on trips together. They go to hotels together. They are now wearing matching rings. And everytime I hear him say "we" or "us" to casually refer to them, it stings. It actually feels like all the things that I was feeling have been turned inside out and turned into this horrible parody of what I had imagined.

But I don't want to pursue Michael now, because that makes it look like I'm just jumping on him out of jealousy, when that isn't the case at all; I was planning on continuing with Michael once this drama was behind us all. Now everything feels tainted. Even if Michael felt the same way for me, Chris is still his roomie and they're so entrenched in each others lives now that I can't overcome them; it's like Chris is always there, even when he's not - like some kind of deadly infection or weed that my doctor/gardner told me was benign. Not that I dislike Chris as a person...just the situation sucks. And the thing is, I would have backed off and probably not started having these feelings in the first place if Michael had just told me that he was interested in Chris when they first started hanging out. If I'd known that Chris was even the slightest of mild possibilities I would have left Michael Town long before I was infested with love cooties. lol. But now here we are and I'm very jealous, and very hurt, and I don't want to be that guy. I refuse to be that guy.

And the thing is, this isn't a terrible tragedy, no matter how much it sucks. I don't need a boyfriend. I mean, I want one, and feel cheated out of one, but the world isn't going to end because I don't have one. lol. But it hurts, and it hurts everytime I see Michael now. So...I'm leaning towards us not communicating anymore. At least for awhile. I think we need some distance. This way he & Chris can give it their best shot... And I can have the healing time to not want to shoot myself in the face everytime I think of them together.

I don't think any of us went out trying to hurt one another, which I'm proud of. I broke up with Michael with the best of intentions. I remained friends with him, for the same reasons. Chris fell for Michael, not to hurt me; he couldn't help it. Michael was dishonest about certain things, but so was I, and Chris probably was too. If I had been honest we might be together right now, and if Michael had been honest I might never have fallen for him...so maybe it wasn't meant to be anyways. Besides the fact that they seem to go very well together, and are probably a better couple than we'd ever be. So maybe it's best to just let them go about their business in peace while I move on.

I just want to take this moment to acknowledge that I fell in love with Michael Eisinger. And while trying to take the high road, I fell on my face. lol. It's funny in a sad way. I'll survive. We'll all survive. And that's ok. And I just need to say that before I can move on.

Do I regret anything? Sure. Yeah. I do. But assuming there's a next time, I won't wait to say what I'm feeling. Lesson learned.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:13 AM
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I cleaned the toilet. I did some laundry. Sorted some clutter downstairs. I watched more of The Sarah Connor Chronicles. I'd meant to finish the series a long time ago but never got around to it. Now I am. It's kind of stupid, but has some good moments. I got Mark up at 6am so he could work on some Bitserve stuff and help me set up the computers for the AVP LAN party tonight. Michael, Bryan, DJ & Mike should all be here. I might be able to get another player in as well.

I need to sleep. I'd like to clean a bit as well though. We'll see.

I've got this mashup stuck in my head that uses the instrumental of 'Wicked Game' by Chris Isaak and mixes it with a French song, which was said to be Morcheeba, but I've never heard any of their songs in French, and I'm not a big enough fan to know if it's a translated version of one of their songs. Erg. It annoys me when I can't track down all the pieces.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:56 AM
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I was going to clean some more but I got distracted organizing videos on my computer. Now I need sleep. I'll worry about the rest after that.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:16 AM
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   Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I've had this constant migrain for the last 48 hours or so. I take meds, and they kill it for a few hours and then it's back. It's starting to piss me off.

I woke up around 5:30pm, Tuesday night. I had a dream about an intruder in my grandmother's house; I kicked his ass! After I woke, I returned a call from DJ and cleaned up a bit; shaved and showered. Mark was home earlier than expected from work and all was going well.

AVP night was a complete success! DJ, Bryan, Mike & Mark all played. Mark got a little testy at the end (as he does) but we just stopped playing at that point and the former Hollywood crew had reunion time. Lots of really good converation. Bryan left around midnight. Mike stayed, and we ended up watching the 'Hush' episode of Buffy. DJ & Mike left around 2am. It was so good to see everyone and hang out.

Mark got us all pizza during the game play, and it was also great. I got a phone call from Mollie and we talked about our great AVP memories and she made me laugh a lot. It would have been great if she'd have made it to the party. ;-0)

Michael couldn't make it as he'd made plans with his other friends. So much unsaid there....

After everyone had left I found that the internet was down, but Mark said he'd fix it in the morning. I passed the hours catching up on the Terminator series; watching the last 8 episodes. I'm completely caught up now, and I can say that some of the show is a really brilliant spin-off of the Terminator movies...while some of it is just really silly. There were a few moments where I teared up, but didn't actually cry. It's an ok show, but I'd rather see T4. I'll probably catch up on Heroes next.

When Mark got up for work he fixed the internet, but he's still not getting ready for work, despite the fact that he needs to be there in 20 minutes. I'm gonna go try to get his butt in gear. He always thanks me for that later. lol.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:40 AM
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I watched 2 episodes of Heroes, Season 2. It does get better. I had stopped watching it right before it got better. I have 8 more episodes to watch (including the first 2 episodes of Season 3). I'll probably do that tonight; it sounds like fun.

After watching the 2 episodes of Heroes I slept. I'm surprised I can sleep with the neighbors tv blaring; they've been doing that a lot lately.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:20 PM
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   Thursday, September 25, 2008

I'm all caught up on Heroes.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:37 AM
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   Friday, September 26, 2008

I love David Letterman.

I'm over half way through my Trek book.

The new Clone Wars series starts in 1 week.

Nothing else to report. How sad is that?

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:58 AM
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I had a really great phone conversation with Mollie...which really cheered me up, though I wasn't depressed...just a little out of it. I'm very smiley now. Introspective but content.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:27 AM
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I've started watching 'Pushing Daisies', which I love.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:14 AM
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So I'm hooked on 'Pushing Daises'.

And I love any article that notices how horrific our country has become under Republican rule. Anything that pokes fun at the Republicans, which in previous years would have made me giggle and move on, has become an event. It's like each time something happens like that, I'm hoping the world is gonna wake up from this horrible nightmare we've been living in for the last 8 years... But I'm scared as hell that the Republican's will fix the election, as they did in 2000. I mean, in 2000 we had George Bush coming out on top despite the facts, and he's become the most hated president in history, while Al Gore, who actually won the election but didn't get to be president has gone on to win the Nobel Peace Prize! It hurts my head.

But articles like this, this, and THIS make me smile and think that things might eventually turn out ok.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:16 PM
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Sarah Palin hurts my head! This is who people want as President? Even as VP she's worthless. As President I literally shudder to think what she would do in office. She talks in circles; doesn't speak from supported fact; and can't give a straight answer. It's pathetic.

"I'm not looking at poll numbers."

She HURTS my brain! Or...it's more like the people that choose her hurt my brain.

She's like Bush (after being injected with estrogen). This has got to stop. I can't be the only one who sees this!?!

Oh. And this John McCain youtube video (with some unfortunate volume problems) documents McCain's outragious flip-flopping on issues. 1 or 2 is fine. But this is hilarious...and scary. To actually see some of McCain's unbelievable flip-flops, click here.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:56 PM
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   Saturday, September 27, 2008

I went to Necto last night. Saw a lot of people I know: Brandon, Jeremy, Preston, Becky, Jon, Perris, DJ Mark, DJ Jinx (who's birthday it was), Keevan (though I didn't get to talk to him). I met lots of people too. I ended up hanging out after the bar with this cute, cuddly guy named Rob. I also ran into Dorian downtown. Rob is hanging out here until he sobers up, then I'll take him back to his motorcycle, get groceries, come home and probably eat, watch some stuff, read, and sleep. That's what I'm thinking anyways. I had a fun night.

And round 1 of the presidential debate seems to be leaning more towards Obama than McCain, so good news all around. Though I would have preferred McCain to make an ass of himself, and a more pronounced victory. As it is, this race is still pretty tight, and I don't trust the Republican party to play fairly.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:49 AM
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