I've been having these

daydreams

about a girl that I met...

I don't often get crushes

on girls

if I can help it.

Girls are always complicated

& often

I hurt them.

They know that I'm gay

& that they can't be

my everything

but they get attached

fall in love

are left crying.

That's why I gave them up.

But sometimes I meet a girl

who makes me want to

forget all of that.

This one is married.

Her smile

voice

words

laughter

body

daring...

Her everything seduced me.

But the most astonishing thing

was the way she revealed too much

in that voice so serious...

A voice that said she had been hurt

but now knew she could defend herself.

I'm betting her husband taught her this

& that's how they fell in love...

Or maybe she taught herself

& they fell in love along the way...

I don't know.

Her husband's not bad either.

Makes me wish I hadn't given up girls

or that I wasn't afraid of guns

or afraid to ruin something that

might be very special.

But the part of me that wants her...

The part of me that wants a man...

That part sends me daydreams

about the 3 of us together.

But they are only dreams

& I'm staying away from them

for as long as I can...

One can't go through life

filled with holes.

For: Jessica & Josh - Hope you defend yourselves well.

& For: Myself - Because all the priests I've confessed to

always end up fucking me over.