Boys always leave &

I always grieve &

friends are just dust;

I must do what I must.

I can't stand this life but

I can't take a knife now &

open myself to the pain that

they left me.

I can survive now -

I can leave somehow -

Find that my time has not

passed me right by now.

I must believe this -

I must bear witness -

I must begin or

nothing will finish.

Death will arrive

but at least I'll have tried -

at least I'll have known

I was not turned to stone.

Plans must I make

to keep my soul awake &

I break the spell that

the boy has awakened.

Men pass through lives

with the briskness of knives

while friends bridge disaster

in the here ever after.

The tears that I've shed

& the years I've been dead

cannot vanquish my smile -

Now I know it's worth while.