3 weeks ago I was thinking about him.

The boy's name who I couldn't remember -

kissing him at the bar - kissing him at Jim's house -

kissing him & feeling connected to him & almost

not caring what his boyfriend would say.

It was so intense.

Such a dream...

So hard to wake up from...

So hard.

This time there was the meeting of our eyes

& the understanding that this was no dream...

that this time we could not kiss - could not give in -

but the sparks were flared along my spine.

I said goodbye -

I walked away -

Because I was hot & hard & remembering & dreaming -

& yet I was awake & knew that this time

there would be consequences - impossible choices -

& I would not exact such vengence -

I would not expect so much -

or risk such madness -

Such magic is mine,

on nights like this...

I can't believe how much I want to kiss him.

- For Joe -