WEAKNESS
"You're so strong."
The boy sitting at the table with me
is only the latest in a long line of friends
& lovers to tell me this.
They always say it as if they're a bit jealous,
or like they just can't believe it.
They don't know how much it sucks
to not give in to vice.
They don't know how it feels to resist temptation,
just to see everyone you care about give in.
They don't know what it's like to out live so many people who were dear to you,
and then have people say you were stronger than they were,
and then have to struggle with the guilt you still sometimes feel for surviving
at all.
They don't know what it's like to remember horrible things,
that no one else remembers...
even though you weren't alone at the time...
But you feel alone all of the time.
Because if no one else remembers,
it's like it only happened to you.
And if no one else survives,
then you are in fact alone,
and the memories you have of happy times together,
are yours...
alone. (there's that word again)
Every time someone tells me I'm strong
it hurts me.
Every time someone tells me I'm strong
I wish that I wasn't.
Every time someone tells me I'm strong
I want to break down,
I want to give in,
I want to shatter the foundation
that brought me to this...
I want to fall...
But for now,
I remain stronger than ever.
And the view from here
really isn't that great.
Written By Jason Wright
AUGUST 18, 2006
for Jeremy, Hospital Children, Mark,
Janice & Dad.