ZOMBIE CONFESSIONS
The last time you wrote me...
You were this glowing
freshly fucked sprite child
with laughter and joy
and drug problems stemming from
smiles I'd brought you.
The last time you replied...
You smiled so bright at every encounter;
so enraptured within our time spent together
that everyone knew that we were TOGETHER -
and that love was all around us,
whether we said so or not.
The last time you e-mailed me...
You rambled so sweetly
that I read your words over twenty times
and each time I read them I smiled even larger,
filed away your every signature stumble,
and reveled in the knowledge that some part of you
was mine.
I loved what I knew of you...
I loved the innocence
and the haunted-ness of you...
But I didn't know the whole truth of you,
and when the truth started to show itself,
I was afraid, and I was hurt,
I faltered, and I fled....
Yet I couldn't really leave you,
I wanted to be there for you,
And I wanted the lie that had died in my bed.
And now I'm left wondering if
the last time you wrote me
was it horrible to know me
or did your lies and sex comfort you
in ways you required?
The love
never lied;
I feel that inside...
it may have retreated...
it may have felt tired...
But I find myself wandering
through fields filled with zombies
bodies once buried
which refuse to stay dead.
And strangely you were honest
with the lies that you said....
But I want to know you
as no one has known you...
I want to look into your eyes and to see...
I want to see all of you...
Want to free all of you...
Want you to want me to...
And want you to know me.
But if I'm afraid or if I stumble,
If I ramble or if I mumble,
I want you to know that it won't /
could NEVER kill my love of you..
You can't understand what it's meant to me
to see you struggle to share yourself with me...
To see the hard truths revealed,
even when the timing of them hurt us...
And maybe I'm stupid
for letting a bunch of ghosts
seduce me into answering questions left buried....
for not forgetting the way you carried me
when I was sick and vulnerable and afraid...
But I can't just desert us.
And I'm asking you for something
that may be a bit hazy
and it may be sexy
and it may be crazy
it may be private but I can't just be haunted...
The last time you wrote me,
And when you'd deep throat me,
From the moment I saw you -
and the way your eyes taunted....
I wanted to know you...
and I wanted to blow you...
And I still want to KNOW you...
That's
What
I
Have
Always
Wanted.
Written By Jason Wright
AUGUST 17, 2006
for Jeremy Merklinger