BRYAN CHOSE

Yeas ago...

In broken glass covered Detroit parking lot...

Surrounded by friends...

I begged, screamed, & cursed for the beauty of Bryan.

And when he kissed me softly -

telling me: "It's alright... I've been with him before..."

My stomack turned... My eyes shimmered...

My arms fell & my hands unclenched...

He got into the car with the man who would

take advantage of his beauty while confirming nothing...

while leaving concert tickets, dried cum, & vomit

on a bloodied, bruised, & almost completely buried self esteem.

And then my heart broke...

Then my tears fell hot & ruthless...

Then my friends

who stood watch of my shattered defeat -

not breathing, or speaking, or understanding

how I could feel

so much,

so deeply,

for someone who had lost themselves so successfully...

Then my friends cried for me

& held me

while I shuddered

and wretched

in a moment of

ecstatic grief.

And on the morrow...

at Michael's wedding -

the tears were still falling...

and the sickness of that moment was still there...

That sickness -

that never left me...

That moment of choice still haunts me...

But I'm not asking for sympathy or understanding...

I'm just saying he made his choice...

And I lost something unexpected

when he chose to lose himself.