"DEATH SURROUNDS YOU."

SOMEONE WHO CLAIMED TO BE PSYCHIC ONCE TOLD ME THIS;

AS IF I DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW...

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY I WENT THROUGH HELL...BUT I SURVIVED.

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP I HAD A CRUSH ON A HIGH SCHOOLER;

HE KILLED HIMSELF ON MY 11TH BIRTHDAY.

WHEN I WAS 17 I SLASHED MY WRISTS AND WAS TAKEN TO A HOSPITAL,

WHERE I MET THE CHILDREN THAT WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE...

THEY ARE ALL GONE NOW...THOUGH THEIR LEGACY THRIVES.

WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE HOSPITAL...I ALSO CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET.

I PURSUED THE LOVE OF A YOUNG MAN AND EVENTUALLY WE KISSED.

WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT FOR YEARS...IN THE MEAN TIME I SAW HIM AT

THE MALL WITH SEVERAL WOMEN. BUT EARLY LAST YEAR HE TOLD ME THAT

HE WAS SORRY FOR EVERYTHING. THEN HE MOVED TO NEW YORK, WHERE

HE DIED IN AN ATOMOBILE ACCIDENT; HE WAS 18 & HIS KISS HAUNTS ME STILL...

WHEN I WAS 18 I VISITED ONE OF THE KIDS FROM THE HOSPITAL; HIS NAME

WAS MIKE. HE INTRODUCED ME TO HIS BISEXUAL GIRLFRIEND AND WE HIT IT OFF.

SHE WAS THE FIRST PERSON THAT I'D EVER MET THAT COULD UNDERSTAND MY

ATTRACTIONS TO BOTH MEN & WOMEN. SHE DIDN'T JUDGE ME, OR LAUGH AT ME.

WE HELD EACH OTHER WHILE WE CRIED. LAST YEAR SHE FOUND OUT THAT SHE

WAS HIV+ AND TURNED HER ARMS INSIDE OUT WITH A PACK OF RAZOR BLADES;

SHE WAS 18. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I DREAMED OF SEEING HER AGAIN? HOW

MANY ORGASMS HAVE I HAD...DREAMING ABOUT HER BREASTS..HER FACE...HER

MOUTH... - SEX AND DEATH -

WHEN I WAS 19 I TRIED TO LOSE MYSELF IN A SERIES OF SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS.

I DID EVERYTHING IMAGINABLE. I AM HIV-.

I AM 21 YEARS OLD NOW AND I THINK THAT I BROUGHT ALL THIS DEATH ON

MYSELF. I CHOSE FRIENDS & LOVERS WHO WERE EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED. BUT

IT ISN'T THAT EASY...

I LOOK AT THE PEOPLE AROUND ME & I WANT TO VOMIT; THEY LOOK SO PURE,

SO EMPTY, SO DEAD! HOW CAN YOU TELL THEY'RE ALIVE? THEN I SEE SOMEONE

WITH A GLIMMER OF SOMETHING MORE... A LOOK OF SUFFERING THAT SAYS THEY

HAVE TRAVELED THROUGH HELL & ARE ALIVE TO TELL THE TALE... NO PROMISES OF

HOW LONG THEY CAN STAY... JUST CONFESSIONS OF THEIR TRAGIC DEATH STYLE...

ALL OF MY FRIENDS HAD THAT LOOK ABOUT THEM.

I'D RATHER DIE THAN BE WITH THOSE WITHOUT IT.

I'D RATHER DIE THAN FORGET THOSE THAT CAME BEFORE.

I'D RATHER DIE...