His jittering withering smile blosoms

out of darkness to entrance & distort

his existance.

His beutiful facade of life,

the one that I still love to look at

& long to be with -

it may never be real -

or if it is -

I may never know.

His smile fills me with lust & laughter

& endears him to me...

Even as dream images of him dressed

in tux & tie - walking down the aisle with

devastatingly handsome husband - happy -

himself - my friend - war with the memory of

him held in my arms.

The wedding album wins.

And before I return to dreams

I smile for the happy couple.

- For Shawn -