IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND
I imagined him.
That's what I think as I sit here...
He can't be real... He's just a boy
I saw at gay.com -
a boy who struck my fancy
& stayed in my thoughts for more
than a week after.
My mind ran away with me...
Imagining him lusting after me...
Writhing beneath me...
Printing up pictures of me & hiding
them in an XY magazine next to his bed.
This boy I imagined - loved me completely -
but that can't be real...
can it?
What if I'm wrong?
What if he IS real
& really does love me?
What if he's a spy?
A cop?
A skinhead?
What if I'm going overboard here?
What if he's just a boy...
NO
A man...
Who met me at gay.com -
Who read all about me -
Who lusted after a thousand pictures of me -
Who chatted with me & kept my recorded voice for his pleasure -
Who fell in love with me without reservation;
without the voice of doubt or the cynical "voice of reason"
warning him that he could be hurt so terribly, &
therefore deny his feelings.
I guess if that were the truth
I'd owe that man an apology...
But he can't be real -
Because no one is that brave;
that alive; that strong -
No one is that brilliant,
or if they are, not for long...
No one is that willing to express how they feel -
Save for hospital children -
So he can not be real.
Written By Jason Wright
JUNE 30TH, 2001
- For Travis -