STUPID BOY IS WAITING

By Travis Kelley, July 15, 2001

Well here I am.

Stupid boy again.

*hi*

Just wanted to tell you some stuff

That I’ve been thinking about.

You know.

Important stuff.

Yes, I feel guilty for leaving you there on the Internet.

I should have been there for you.

But, I needed to be there for myself.

I guess I don’t meet the requirement.

I guess I have failed where others have succeeded.

Because you don’t love me.

That’s what I’m taking from our relationship right now.

I will not allow you to hide behind the mask of “well I’m fucked up”

No.

You don’t love me.

Just tell it like it is.

I’m a big boy.

I can handle it.

If all you can tell me now is that you “love me as a friend” than

Why the fuck am I still here?

Arg.

You know why.

Because I love you.

Yes, I love you more than a friend.

I love you “in that way”

I “love love” you.

Tumble. Crash.

So now that the branch I so accurately described a week ago

Has come crashing down,

And, as I suspected,

You are not there to catch me.

In fact, probably had no intention of doing so in the first place,

What am I to do?

Do I get up, dust myself off, and walk home?

Do I climb the tree again?

And look for another perilous encounter?

I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do.

I’m gonna continue to love you.

I’m gonna talk to you as much as possible.

I’m gonna learn as much about you and your past as I can

I want to know lots of the good stuff.

And twice as much of the bad.

Because you are worth it.

Yes, Jason, I think that you are worth it.

And if I didn’t give up on you through the last “big crisis” I’m sure as hell

Not gonna give up now.

I’ll wait.

Impatiently, I’ll admit that,

But I’ll wait.

Forever if it requires.

I will wait until you tell me that you love me and mean it “like that”

Because I don’t want to be you’re friend.

I don’t want to be your boyfriend.

I want to be your lover.

- For Jason -