I have a lot of pictures of myself. Am I vain? A little bit. But it's a healthy kind of conceit, based on my background. For years I was on the dangerously thin, self loathing side of a rare eating disorder (see above). It still haunts me, and I'll probably never be truly normal in that arena, but I'm not the tiny waisted boy any longer; the one who's every rib was on display for the world to see beneath his sickly translucent skin. Luckily, I had a lot of support from friends who helped with that transition, and I'm no longer in harms way where my diet is concerned; I've even been a little chubby sometimes which has been really amazing in it's own way. When I first started actively having pictures taken it helped to document this turnaround, and they were very useful.
Another reason for all the pictures is that when I was younger (17-21) many of my friends died within a relatively short amount of time, and I later realized that I only had 2 crappy pictures of 1 of them; I was understandably a bit crazed for awhile after that; I was convinced that everyone I knew was going to die before me, and I invested in a camera and carried it with me constantly. After a few years I had a fairly large collection of photos, and the paranoia seemed to vanish, though occasionally I'll still get extremely worried when someone is late, or out of contact for too long, but I'm not sure that's a big deal; in my experience those circumstances can mean that something terrible has happened; but at least now that's balanced by the more common experiences of those around me.
The final reason for all the pictures is that along this wacky journey of mine, I became a bit of an exhibitionist; sharing myself with others, both in photos, in person, and in frank, honest conversations, turns me on. Revealing myself to others; breaking down my own barriers is a natural, healthy high, which I've apparently become addicted to, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'd rather be honest, and share everything I could think of, than be secretive & deceptive; better to be hated for what I am than be loved for what I am not.
So that's why I have so many pictures of myself; I continue to enjoy having my picture taken, but I'm not as aggressive about it now, or I haven't been. The last time I had a large number of photos taken was about a year ago, but before that it was Summer 2001. I'm in the process of gathering a wider selection of more recent photos, and mixing them in with the ones that have been posted here in the past in a new configuration to help keep up the random theme, which amuses me. So...browse if you like; the randomness of the following pages of photographs allows for insight, contrast, revelation, and hopefully entertainment. I expect I'll overhaul the picture section completely sometime between Fall 2006 & Winter 2007.