Bald Jason's Musings


   Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I'm a terrified person. I feel like much of my life is falling apart. My jaw is fucked up. My meds aren't working very well, so everytime I eat...horrible things happen. I'm suffering. The happy (if ignorant) summer of only a year ago seems like an impossible dream to me now. I'm going to lose Michael. I feel like I'm losing my body and life... I'd probably be suicidal except that I'm now frightened of dying, which annoys me. Death sucks. I'm pretty cynical of late. People who have children automatically sentence such beings to death; everyone has to die. Part of me struggles to proclaim it a natural process and nothing to fear...other times I have moments of tense agonizing fear of what's to come...while still other times I think there's no point in worrying about it because there's nothing I can do to prevent it from happening.

I miss Michael. I haven't seen him in days. We're still a couple. For now. But he's not going to want me for much longer. I can't stop crying lately.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:27 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [3 Comments]



comments

I really wish I was in Ann Arbor so I could take care of you. I miss you and I want to try and help you feel better. Just try and remember this. I love you for who you are not what you can or can't do. I have no expectations, no demands, no disappointments. I'm happy just hearing your voice and knowing that when things get bad, you will be there for me in every capacity that you can be. I'd like to thing you know the same is true of me. I'm content to talk, play, laugh, cry, love, mourn, and hope with you. No matter what's going on in your half of our lives, no matter who comes and goes, I will love you and be grateful to have you. You are my Jason and I can't imagine a world without you. I love you.

   posted by Mollie at 01:24 PM

What mollie said.

   posted by Mark at 07:14 PM

Except for the part about being in Ann Arbor, of course. I'm here, and still feel helpless to help. Also, there is no world without you. I love you, and mollie too. It's us three against the world, and the world is it.

   posted by Mari at 07:18 PM

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