Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I'm a terrified person. I feel like much of my life is falling apart. My jaw is fucked up. My meds aren't working very well, so everytime I eat...horrible things happen. I'm suffering. The happy (if ignorant) summer of only a year ago seems like an impossible dream to me now. I'm going to lose Michael. I feel like I'm losing my body and life... I'd probably be suicidal except that I'm now frightened of dying, which annoys me. Death sucks. I'm pretty cynical of late. People who have children automatically sentence such beings to death; everyone has to die. Part of me struggles to proclaim it a natural process and nothing to fear...other times I have moments of tense agonizing fear of what's to come...while still other times I think there's no point in worrying about it because there's nothing I can do to prevent it from happening.

I miss Michael. I haven't seen him in days. We're still a couple. For now. But he's not going to want me for much longer. I can't stop crying lately.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:27 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [3 Comments]