Thursday, May 8, 2008

I was having a good day.

I started that book, which is really good so far; nothing less than what I'd usually expect from Peter David. I've enjoyed the majority of the books I've read by him, with one or two exceptions.

I took that shower too. A long, hot relaxing shower. It was so nice.

Mark is home. We've been very affectionate lately. Lots of hugging and helping each other out (not in a sex way); just being very supportive.

He had asked me about this girl that we used to know the other day and I had told him her first name. Jessica. That was yesterday I think, or the day before. A short while ago he asked me what her last name was, and I told him. When I asked why he was interested, he told me that he wanted to be certified to carry a gun (which she would know how to do).

Hello to the tension.

I don't like guns. I don't want to be near guns. I don't like that people of any sort are near guns. The thought of being near a gun makes me ill.

Now I've fired guns. A few times with Mark, and once with Mollie. Other times when I was a kid with my father, and later my step-father, who collects guns. I had a B-B-Gun. When I was a kid, I didn't like guns exactly...but my B-B-Gun was pretty safe. Shooting the guns with Mark & Mollie at the range wasn't about having a gun - it was about drooling all over Jessica and her husband, who I was crushing on in the worst way...plus seeing Mollie shoot the Lara Croft gun with near perfect accuracy her first time out was kind of cool - so for anyone reading this - you don't want to mess with Mollie - she's an amazing shot. Maybe it's from all that House of the Dead we played at the arcade.

But having a gun in my home now...just creeps me out. Accidents happen all the time with guns. People die. I would never feel safe having my family over again. Then there's the fact that I've been known to have some suicidal tendencies. Now...I haven't had them lately, and I'd like to avoid them in the future...but if for some reason I did feel like offing myself, a gun is often pretty final, while most other methods take some time and are something I can be saved from. And being in the state of mind where I am now, and knowing that I don't want to die, I'm saying no to this gun.

I'm not sure what I would do without Mark. But maybe things would be better if I found out. I mean...Mark could have his gun...and his dog; he's always wanted a dog, but I can't stand living with animals, so he's never gotten one. We watched his dad's dog for 2 weeks once - and while she's cute to look at during a visit, 2 weeks with her was a hell that I hope to never experience again.

Mark just got this other weapon in the mail. Actually he got two. He got a new thing of pepper spray...and a stick thing that's supposed to be good for self defense. I would never feel comfortable even having those on me, but if it makes Mark feel safe to have them, then I can live with that... But why does he now want a gun? It's not like we were just mugged and he's acting out... And if he just got a stick and some pepper spray this week, and now wants a gun...what will it be next week? It's just freaking me the hell out.

I was going to eat. I was going to have more strawberries. I was thinking about it in my long relaxing shower, but now I can't eat because my stomach is all wonky from stress and worry. I was going to call Michael and see if he wanted to hang out, but now I'm going to have to let him know I'm not up for a visit...as my stomach is freaking out because Mark is gun happy, and I might have to find a new place to live / work / survive. It's all a bit much to take in right now...and now my happy relaxing day has turned into a crappy night with just a few sentences from Mark.

Better not get too depressed about how he can do that, because there might be a gun around soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:24 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [5 Comments]