Friday, September 5, 2008

After I got up and around, showered, shaved, set up a ride to work, Bryan called to let me know Dennis was going to be in the store today. Dennis fired DJ. I'm not going into work, which helps them with labor, and helps me not say something I want to say to Dennis and get fired.

Feeling more depressed I called my Grandmother. I don't talk about her a lot here, but I try to call every week and see how she's doing. She had an Endoscopy yesterday. I spoke to her last night and she seemed tired; if I'd had known about the procedure, I'd have walked up to the hospital to be there for her, but she doesn't like to worry me. They found she had an ulcer. I called today to check up on her, and I guess I just missed Janice (who I'd called just before calling Grandma), and Grandma sounds lots better and that made me smile... And then I asked about Jamie, my younger sister, who's been cruel to me for over a year now with no explanation... I always ask my Grandmother & family how she's doing, because I can't stop caring about her even though she's been a total bitch to me... And she told me that my little sister got married on Saturday, and I was the only member of the family not invited. Janice, my grandparents, my parents, they were all there. I'm sure no one told me in advance because they didn't want to hurt me... And now I'm crying again, because of her. I've asked her why she treats me this way, and the only answer I got from her was "Because you're you." - like - what the fuck does that mean? None of my family members understand it either. And there's this little voice at the back of my head, that says they must not care about me either, because they don't question her actions towards me directly. I had the car all weekend, and could have made it to her wedding...but instead I was home, alone.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:36 PM
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