Friday, January 16, 2009

So I was talking to Mark last night about me hooking up with guys that I don't end up dating and he doesn't like it. I knew this on some level because Mark is always really cruel to me after I've had a guy over; he's grouchy and acts like he wants me to be ashamed about my actions, even when I'm really happy about them. Actually, he feels like these men are laughing at him, which I don't quite understand, as it doesn't bother him when I'm dating someone. But for me...having sex with a guy is part of my process of determining if a guy is boyfriend material. There are lots of things that are important in a relationship, but if we're not sexually compatable, I want to know before I'm too emtionally involved. I've been through that a couple times and it's beyond terrible. Yet I don't like having sex with guys that I'm not connected with one some basic level. I need something of a connection or it's pointless. And now that I know how Mark feels about it, I come to the conclusion that for Mark's feelings to be spared I'll have to hide this part of myself from him when possible. Otherwise he spoils the fun of it, and if I can't get passed that then I'll never end up dating anyone ever again. But it's not easy to keep this from him when he's usually home when I have guys over. I don't feel safe going to another guy's place. Plus even if he's not around, he reads my blog, which means anything I post about the guys I've gone out with he'll read anyways. Maybe I'll have to start posting spoiler warnings that tell him not to read any further. I don't know what the solution will be, but it's on my mind.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:19 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [2 Comments]