Thursday, March 5, 2009

On Tuesday afternoon I rewatched Terminator 2: Judgment Day. I don't own the original (my favorite in the series) or I'd have watched that one first. It was odd rewatching T2. I saw it in theaters 8 times between July 4 & August 12, 2001. I owned the VHS of it the day it was released. I owneed the special VHS edition of it the day that was released. I had read the book of the film, and the screenplay. I knew this movie inside and out, but had never watched it on DVD, and hadn't really seen it in nearly a decade. I could quote most scenes, as I demonstrated to Mark - saying complicated lines of dialogue moments before the actors did. I thought maybe the movie was one I never needed to revisit, but it was interesting. For one thing, the humor annoyed me a lot more (as it also does in 3); one thing I love about the original is it's darkness - something 4 looks to have in spades. 2ndly, John Connor (Eddie Furlong) was about my age, or slightly younger when the movie was new - but going back he looks so fucking young - and his performance seemed more impressive as a result. I enjoyed rewatching it. I still don't like it as much as the first. But it was good. In retrospect it kind of lost some points for morphing the hard R of the original into what is basically a an R rated family film.

I also updated the pictures in my gay.com profile, and chatted on there a bit. I had a bit of trouble as an animated gif kept getting moved from the adult section to the non-adult section of my profile, all based on the first frame of the animation. I kept moving it back, but they cyber insisted. I had to call them and explain what they were doing - and after a really ANNOYING conversation they fixed it.

I slept at odd hours.

On Wednesday I was chatting in the Ann Arbor room on gay.com. Michael Eisinger was in there, and after an hour or so he sent me a private message to ask me about some other guy in the chat room. This lead to me asking him about the troubles we've had recently. He was upset about things I'd written in my personal blog about him. I told him how much he'd hurt me then and that my words weren't intended to hurt him, but were an expression of my own suffering, and asked him to forgive me. He did. We agreed that trust would take time, but we started talking again. He told me he and Chris are now in an open relationship, and Chris then chimed in too.

Chris apparently had a dream this week that we three participated in a threesome. They seem to want to make it a reality, and it's hot to think about but I have reservations. It's possible it could be amazing...or a disaster. And I don't want to hurt (or get hurt by) anyone. Plus I just reconnected with Jim (who I've not heard from since Tuesday morning). But perhaps Chris is prescient, as when he had the dream we 3 weren't even on speaking terms...and suddenly, now we are. lol. I'm not knocking it. Hopefully our friendships contine to grow and we have a long while to decide what will become of us.

Michael also suddenly realized he'd never seen me drunk, though why anyone would want to see me drunk I'm not certain. Perhaps I make an even bigger ass of myself while intoxicated; if so nobody has ever told me. lol I'm not opposed to the idea of drinking with Michael though. Sounds like fun.

Overall, I'm just happy to be friends with Michael again. I know enough time has passed now. I'm very happy for him and Chris. The idea of them doesn't upset me, or anything like that. I'm not in love with him. It's just a waste to not be friends with him after all the time we spent together, and I'm just relieved that this uncomfortable silence has been broken.

I later slept more. I dreamt that I was visiting Michael & Chris, but that they lived in this swanky black and white apartment complex in central Ann Arbor. It was awesome. I woke up feeling good about 4 hours later.

I chatted with Michael and Chris some more. Michael was arranging furnature and Chris was chilling. Mark got home and I told him all the news. He's pretty sure the 3some will happen. lol. We'll see. I still felt tired. I stayed online until about 3am.

I dreamt that I was back at the Michael/Chris apartment from my previous dream. This time they had roomies. The roomies were these hot religious boys that used to be our neighbors. They were wearing Sparkies uniforms (a baptist church youth groupe program that I was involved in). I mentioned I used to work in AWANA and they sort of warmed up to me, until I revealed that I was gay and didn't believe in god. Suddenly I was in a HUGE catholic school. It was actually more like a catholic college or city. One of the boys from the apartment went to the pulpet and ripped me a (sarcastic) new one and was applauded. I said I'd have to get my game on and assimilate so I could have my revenge. I infiltrated the different leveles of the church. I found hypocrosy. I found closeted biggot gays getting it on. I found murder. I found torture. Lies. Pain. I was moved. But I was found out. I was in hiding and trying to write down my thoughts but it came out as a jumbled mess. My nephew Justin tried to help me, which made me smile. I was on the run in the Catholic city. There were priest detectives after me, and others were looking for me from without the city - there was a sort of media blitz. I lost my way in the school, but Mollie (who had also infiltrated Priest City and was living quite happily) took the paper from me that I'd tried to order my thoughts on, and made sense of my manic ramblings before returning them to me; I thanked her. I was being deemed a menace, but I was struggling to find a priest. I was weeping. I'd had a moment of spiritual clairity. A list of songs was written in eyeliner on my palm symbolizing the truth that had come to me (only 2 of them stuck with me when I woke up, but I'm convinced there were 5). I screamed from the pulpet my confession to the church, to the priests. I said that we were all going to hell. That god was an ass. That he'd screw them all over eventually and I'd just rather go to hell when I die, rather than after being in heaven. That god was bound to betray us all. And all because he could. Because that's what he wanted to do. And it didn't matter how much we loved him or each other. A priest approached me and held me, telling me he knew what I said was the truth. The masses in the giant temple were shocked, horrified, angry and broken. I experienced stigmata. I woke up when Mark blew his nose. I had a mashup of songs stuck in my head. It was "Praying for Time" by George Michael & "The End is the Beginning is the End" by Smashing Pumpkins. I layed in bed trying to remember the details of the dream; telling Mark about it; then closing my eyes and remembering more. I listened to the Smashing Pumpkin's song (which was on the Batman & Robin soundtrack - was once going to be used on a CD for Shawn Foreman, and was recently used in a trailer for WATCHMEN) while I wrote this. I feel good that I got this all out.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:11 AM
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