Saturday, March 7, 2009

I finally heard from Jim. He's going through a lot. And much of it seems very dark, despite his smiles and laughter. It's beigining to sound like our positions have been reversed from the first time that we met. I'd like to be upset about, but I find the symmetry of it to be rather hypnotic and poetic. It feels very balanced. I just have to wish him well with the same grace that he showed me back in the day. And thankfully I want have a bitch like Lucas whispering horrible nothings in my ear while I'm doing it. Something to be grateful for.

A few years ago I would have been morose about this development. I would have been crushed and down about it for weeks. But I try to keep the positive stuff and get rid of the negative as much as I can. And I'm really very greatful that we had the talks that we did. That I was able to go in more detail with him why I pushed him away before. I told him the truth at the time, but I was able to demonstrate the truth of my words now. It felt very liberating. It felt like we got a much better ending.

If this is the end, then I can say it was much more satisfying than what I had expected. And if it's not the end; if we somehow come together again, as friends or lovers or in whatever form that would be, then so be it. I can't imagine such a reunion not lending itself to more satisfaction. ;-0)

Interesting. Complete. Smiles and Sadness. And rain. That's what today brings.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:59 PM
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