Monday, June 5, 2006

I didn't get much sleep on Saturday. I tried scanning my pictures, but I screwed it all up (after hours of work); I didn't even want to look at my computer. I took a nap for about an hour. I started cleaning my room. My room is never really dirty, but it gets cluttered with clothes and stuff. I kind of like the ritual of cleaning my room. It makes me wonder about my mother and why she insists on keeping her house dirty. When I lived with my parents, it was actually hard to clean and not get punished for it. How backwards is that? When I left home I was super messy, and some people might think that I still am, but I will never be as messy as my mother; we're talking layers of dirt and grime, where she eats, sleeps, and bathes. I'm just a little clutterd, and I can deal with that. ;-0)

Jeremy called while I was cleaning to find out exactly what the plan was for the night. We put the plan together...together. He had been working; Saturdays are always the busiest for him. We decided to meet at The Elbow Room, and then come back here. I was excited about seeing him. I finished cleaning my room, shaved & showered, picked a hot outfit, and then changed again when I realized it was pouring rain. I got to the bar about 10 minutes before Jeremy, which gave me a minute or two to chat with Elvis on my own. It was great seeing Jeremy interacting with friends, and it was great hearing him say he wanted to meet others in the future, and that we had plenty of time. There was plenty of great conversation. We got to meet Lisa, Elvis's girlfriend, and she was fun. Elvis's band was fantastic; much better than the other times I've seen her play; it made me sad that it was their final show (their drummer is heading to L.A.), because I'd have liked to see them play again.

During the show I wanted to lick Jeremy from head to toe. I seriously considered jumping him in the mens room, but I settled for a kiss. He told me he'd been deprived of public displays of affection, so if he was uncomfortable or something - that was why. It made me sad. It made me want to hold him. He constantly says stuff like that and I just want to console him.

After the show, Jeremy, Lisa, Elvis & I hit the alley with these girls who all know Anthony, which in itself was kind of weird, and we smoked some weed. That felt good. Smoking with him, and Elvis - with people I care about - I love that. Laughter & hugs, and photos... Then Jeremy followed me to Kroger so I could pick up condoms and a candle. The condoms were for this idea that I had, which we didn't get to try out, but the candle was used to dramtic effect. I don't love scented candles; they often just make me want to hurl, but we found a Green Tea one, which was actually really nice.

When we got home, I still had a nice buzz, and we sat in the livingroom and chatted. I got a voicemail from Tracy, thanking me for the other night, which made me smile, and I talked to Jeremy about him. It was still weird, sitting with this boy that I'd wanted for so long, and here we were, chatting it up like we were dating. Lisa asked us earlier if we were a couple or just friends, & I didn't know how to answer. Jeremy took the ball, and said that we were more than friends. I had explained it to Elvis when I saw him enter the bar, so she already knew the story. Mark came down after a while and met Jeremy. He was going to offer him something to drink, but I'd already supplied him with water. Mark chatted with us for awhile before heading back to his room to read his Da Red Evil comic books.

Around this time, Jeremy gave me something...it was, probably the tackiest thing anyone's ever given me. It could have been considered cruel, only it wasn't intended to be. It was still cause for some concern... But this is where it got all kinds of confusing, because before I even felt truly horrible - before it even registered, he realized he'd made a mistake, and when he saw the pain in my eyes, he just...he was so naked.... I mean he tried to take it back, and I was dumbfounded; just in this flux of overwhelming sensation; I was numb. I felt like I should be alone, but when I looked in his eyes, he was crying...because he had hurt me. So I felt insulted, and then confused, and then hurt, and then amazed and grateful & protective and then all of those things at once only to a degree that nothing could have prepared me for, so I was pretty much gone the rest of the night. I just couldn't get back to myself. I couldn't process it all, and it was just so...surreal.

I took him to my room, and layed in his arms...and I touched him, and kissed him, but it was like I wasn't there. I lit the candle, and everything looked beautiful, and everything was still intense and off kilter, but it was like I couldn't stop. Touching helped quiet the madness. When we slept together; actually sleeping...things began to feel a little better. And when we woke they were mostly fine, except for flashes in which my damned memory kept hitting me over the head with last night's baggage. But at least it wasn't flooding throuh my brain like the night before.

I still felt weird, but stuff was beginning to sink in. When we touched this time, I did my damnedest to put that shit aside, and I most got through it. The shower & conversation after was nice. Mark joined us briefly after we dressed, and then I walked Jeremy to his car. I felt good. I was going to wash my sheets (again) but they smelled like Jeremy, so I layed down and took a nap. When I woke, I jacked off, took a shower, and then started scanning pictures again.

About 2 hours before I had to go to work, I realized I was in no shape to go in (I don't want to get into that). I called in, and thankfully, Heidi said she'd close for me. She's such a sweetheart. I later wrote her a poem. I'll have to get some artwork finished soon so I can post the new poems. I scanned a little over 2 rolls of film; it takes hours to do it, and I mostly can't stand doing it - but a lot of people want copies, and I wouldn't be a very good friend if I put it off forever.

I got a voicemail from Carrie; I guess she finally asked out her guy, and he said YES!!! She's been moaning about him for like a year now, and so I know she must be so happy! ;-0) I'm happy for her.

I had rented the first disc of Smallville on Friday, and then at the bar Saturday night it was playing on the tv. Jeremy said that he & Danny have the first 4 seasons on DVD. I told him I had just rented the first disc. We always have weird things like that. The shirt that I was going to wear before the rain; he has it too. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow/today at 9am. He has one at 9:50. Anyways...Mark wanted to get me out of my room, and make sure that I ate something. We watched the first 2 episodes of Smallville; Mark went to bed, and I watched the 3rd, then came up here and wrote this.

I like watching Smallville, knowing that Jeremy has seen it. How sappy am I? I started writing some poetry for him, but it's not finished. I started writing one for Tracy the other day and it's not finished. I've started like 30 poems lately that aren't finished. lol I'm mostly over the whole gift from HELL incident. At the time, I thought that after he left, I might not want to see him again... Only I really do. I want to know him, and I want him to know me. And I while I certainly have naughty thoughts about him (indeed, I'm having them right now), I want there to be times where we just hang out...though I don't know that my body will agree to that.

Ok. So today I have the dentist appointment. And it looks like I'll probably be driving Mark to Toledo Thursday night so he can take a bus to see Marcus, which frees me up for work on Friday & Sunday, and gives me the car for the wedding on Saturday. I'll have to get Monday off though because I'll be picking Mark up on Monday morning around 5am and I won't get any sleep. It's possilbe all this planning will change again; we have a few days to decide everything.

I thought I'd scan some more pictures, but I feel like I could sleep, and I probably should as I have that early appointment. I'll wash my sheets later today, but for now they're still comforting, skanky as that may be. I know Tracy has the day off, and he wanted to see me. Perhaps he can soothe the wackyness spiraling out of me? I hope we can at least be good friens; he amuses me, and that's a good thing.

I need to sleep. stat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:07 AM
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I didn't get much sleep on Saturday. I tried scanning my pictures, but I screwed it all up (after hours of work); I didn't even want to look at my computer. I took a nap for about an hour. I started cleaning my room. My room is never really dirty, but it gets cluttered with clothes and stuff. I kind of like the ritual of cleaning my room. It makes me wonder about my mother and why she insists on keeping her house dirty. When I lived with my parents, it was actually hard to clean and not get punished for it. How backwards is that? When I left home I was super messy, and some people might think that I still am, but I will never be as messy as my mother; we're talking layers of dirt and grime, where she eats, sleeps, and bathes. I'm just a little clutterd, and I can deal with that. ;-0)

Jeremy called while I was cleaning to find out exactly what the plan was for the night. We put the plan together...together. He had been working; Saturdays are always the busiest for him. We decided to meet at The Elbow Room, and then come back here. I was excited about seeing him. I finished cleaning my room, shaved & showered, picked a hot outfit, and then changed again when I realized it was pouring rain. I got to the bar about 10 minutes before Jeremy, which gave me a minute or two to chat with Elvis on my own. It was great seeing Jeremy interacting with friends, and it was great hearing him say he wanted to meet others in the future, and that we had plenty of time. There was plenty of great conversation. We got to meet Lisa, Elvis's girlfriend, and she was fun. Elvis's band was fantastic; much better than the other times I've seen her play; it made me sad that it was their final show (their drummer is heading to L.A.), because I'd have liked to see them play again.

During the show I wanted to lick Jeremy from head to toe. I seriously considered jumping him in the mens room, but I settled for a kiss. He told me he'd been deprived of public displays of affection, so if he was uncomfortable or something - that was why. It made me sad. It made me want to hold him. He constantly says stuff like that and I just want to console him.

After the show, Jeremy, Lisa, Elvis & I hit the alley with these girls who all know Anthony, which in itself was kind of weird, and we smoked some weed. That felt good. Smoking with him, and Elvis - with people I care about - I love that. Laughter & hugs, and photos... Then Jeremy followed me to Kroger so I could pick up condoms and a candle. The condoms were for this idea that I had, which we didn't get to try out, but the candle was used to dramtic effect. I don't love scented candles; they often just make me want to hurl, but we found a Green Tea one, which was actually really nice.

When we got home, I still had a nice buzz, and we sat in the livingroom and chatted. I got a voicemail from Tracy, thanking me for the other night, which made me smile, and I talked to Jeremy about him. It was still weird, sitting with this boy that I'd wanted for so long, and here we were, chatting it up like we were dating. Lisa asked us earlier if we were a couple or just friends, & I didn't know how to answer. Jeremy took the ball, and said that we were more than friends. I had explained it to Elvis when I saw him enter the bar, so she already knew the story. Mark came down after a while and met Jeremy. He was going to offer him something to drink, but I'd already supplied him with water. Mark chatted with us for awhile before heading back to his room to read his Da Red Evil comic books.

Around this time, Jeremy gave me something...it was, probably the tackiest thing anyone's ever given me. It could have been considered cruel, only it wasn't intended to be. It was still cause for some concern... But this is where it got all kinds of confusing, because before I even felt truly horrible - before it even registered, he realized he'd made a mistake, and when he saw the pain in my eyes, he just...he was so naked.... I mean he tried to take it back, and I was dumbfounded; just in this flux of overwhelming sensation; I was numb. I felt like I should be alone, but when I looked in his eyes, he was crying...because he had hurt me. So I felt insulted, and then confused, and then hurt, and then amazed and grateful & protective and then all of those things at once only to a degree that nothing could have prepared me for, so I was pretty much gone the rest of the night. I just couldn't get back to myself. I couldn't process it all, and it was just so...surreal.

I took him to my room, and layed in his arms...and I touched him, and kissed him, but it was like I wasn't there. I lit the candle, and everything looked beautiful, and everything was still intense and off kilter, but it was like I couldn't stop. Touching helped quiet the madness. When we slept together; actually sleeping...things began to feel a little better. And when we woke they were mostly fine, except for flashes in which my damned memory kept hitting me over the head with last night's baggage. But at least it wasn't flooding throuh my brain like the night before.

I still felt weird, but stuff was beginning to sink in. When we touched this time, I did my damnedest to put that shit aside, and I most got through it. The shower & conversation after was nice. Mark joined us briefly after we dressed, and then I walked Jeremy to his car. I felt good. I was going to wash my sheets (again) but they smelled like Jeremy, so I layed down and took a nap. When I woke, I jacked off, took a shower, and then started scanning pictures again.

About 2 hours before I had to go to work, I realized I was in no shape to go in (I don't want to get into that). I called in, and thankfully, Heidi said she'd close for me. She's such a sweetheart. I later wrote her a poem. I'll have to get some artwork finished soon so I can post the new poems. I scanned a little over 2 rolls of film; it takes hours to do it, and I mostly can't stand doing it - but a lot of people want copies, and I wouldn't be a very good friend if I put it off forever.

I got a voicemail from Carrie; I guess she finally asked out her guy, and he said YES!!! She's been moaning about him for like a year now, and so I know she must be so happy! ;-0) I'm happy for her.

I had rented the first disc of Smallville on Friday, and then at the bar Saturday night it was playing on the tv. Jeremy said that he & Danny have the first 4 seasons on DVD. I told him I had just rented the first disc. We always have weird things like that. The shirt that I was going to wear before the rain; he has it too. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow/today at 9am. He has one at 9:50. Anyways...Mark wanted to get me out of my room, and make sure that I ate something. We watched the first 2 episodes of Smallville; Mark went to bed, and I watched the 3rd, then came up here and wrote this.

I like watching Smallville, knowing that Jeremy has seen it. How sappy am I? I started writing some poetry for him, but it's not finished. I started writing one for Tracy the other day and it's not finished. I've started like 30 poems lately that aren't finished. lol I'm mostly over the whole gift from HELL incident. At the time, I thought that after he left, I might not want to see him again... Only I really do. I want to know him, and I want him to know me. And I while I certainly have naughty thoughts about him (indeed, I'm having them right now), I want there to be times where we just hang out...though I don't know that my body will agree to that.

Ok. So today I have the dentist appointment. And it looks like I'll probably be driving Mark to Toledo Thursday night so he can take a bus to see Marcus, which frees me up for work on Friday & Sunday, and gives me the car for the wedding on Saturday. I'll have to get Monday off though because I'll be picking Mark up on Monday morning around 5am and I won't get any sleep. It's possilbe all this planning will change again; we have a few days to decide everything.

I thought I'd scan some more pictures, but I feel like I could sleep, and I probably should as I have that early appointment. I'll wash my sheets later today, but for now they're still comforting, skanky as that may be. I know Tracy has the day off, and he wanted to see me. Perhaps he can soothe the wackyness spiraling out of me? I hope we can at least be good friens; he amuses me, and that's a good thing.

I need to sleep. stat.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:07 AM
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Oh, I just have to mention Underworld: Evolution, as a certain person says I mention it in all my posts and that I'm obsessed with it. Happy?

I did sleep after the last entry. Mark woke me up for my dentist appointment (thanks Mark); I was on time, and my visit was mostly cool. My bite splint prevents my jaw from cracking, which is amazing, but it's going to take some getting used to. And while the dental staff have been very friendly, and supportive, the head dentist guy was talking about his kids, and he said something that was kind of offensive to me. But I might just be overly sensitive. I'll run it by Mark & Mollie to see what they think. Also, I think he's on drugs. lol But I could be wrong.

I headed home after the appointment. I mailed copies of the reunion pix to Elvis, Tracy #5, Jennifer & Paul. I don't have an addy that I can send pix to for Tracy #4, or Catherine, but when I do I'll send them copies. Elvis is gonna send me pix of the other night's performance, including one of me & Jeremy.

I slept for a couple hours. I woke to find Mark had called 5 times, and left me a message on the computer; he just wanted to know if I was ok. He's renting a car for the weekend, but I have to get him places on Friday so I might still need that day off, which DJ already said was ok - but that means that I could close on Sunday. Either way, I think it's all gonna work out, and that's cool.

I chatted with Paul, Mark, Patrick & Bobby on AIM for awhile. Paul and I seemed to be all smiles. Mark & I were mostly good. Bobby was busy, so we didn't chat much. Patrick and I discussed X3, and his recent breakup; I didn't even know he had a boyfriend, but I guess he did for the last 7 months. Wow. Matt from Bowling Green also said hello, but I had to go.

I called Tracy; who had left me a message Saturday night, and then another message Sunday night that I didn't get until later. I left him a message, which he said made him smile. So...boys are now liking me again, and not being annoyed by my messages. What has the world come to? He called me back shortly thereafter, sounding very happy, but rushed. He actually works tonight, and invited me to visit him, which I might if Mark or Mollie or Carrie want to go as I don't love Fridays. But it would be nice to leave the house, and just relax for awhile. He said if I was awake after 1am to give him a call, and I told him I'll probably go to Necto tonight to dance my thoughts away - so I'd probably call no earlier than 2am. I really look forward to Necto tonight. ;-0) I don't know many guys that just look forward to going to the bar to dance, and nothing more - but that's just me.

I jacked off to porn, which was fabulous; relaxing, and just...nice. I showered, and I need to get ready to pick up Mark. While I showered I remembered talking to Jeremy about Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and it made me want to show him stuff from the show. I'd like to show him the first scene where the developement really hit home for me; the Jadzia/Lenara kiss or episode (which I told him about) - lots of things. And hearing that Danny was a Trek fan, made me hope that I could know him in some capacity that wasn't...dramatic, but just friendly. Also - there's a new Enterprise book that sounds really cool. ;-0)

I'm gonna get dressed (sitting here naked, typing this), and go get Mark. Maybe we'll finish off the first disc of Smallville. Ooh; maybe I should stop at Hollywood - get my hat & jacket and rent the next 2 discs (I'm actually enjoying it - which makes me want to hang my head in shame). Maybe we'll take more pictures later, though since I got the last ones developed I feel less picture friendly - like I just blew my entire wad and need to sleep now. lol But I want to continue because I always regret not taking more pictures of my life.

Anyways - I'm off.

OH! And a big shout out to Carrie! I'm so happy for you sweetie!!!!! ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:07 PM
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   Tuesday, June 6, 2006

After I stopped by Mark's work, went to Meijer for emergency Prilosec, and returned to Mark's work, we went to Hollywood Video where I rented more Smallville, and Firewall for Mark. We went home, then took Mollie to Red Robin to see Tracy. The french fries there are disgusting. Carrie called me while I was there, and then Travis called me too. I got a nice hug from Tracy when we left, then I we went to Carrie & Adam's place, where Tracy called to thank me for visiting him. When I was at Hollywood, Nate & Heidi had come into ownership of the old harcover Star Trek: Encyclopedia, and thought of me, but I already owned that one, and then the updated one, so I asked if I could give it to Carrie, and Nate said that was fine, so I gave that to Carrie, and then we got to hear all about her boy Kyle. Mollie had to leave as she's even more allergic to cats than I am, and even Mark seemed to be affected by them. We dropped Mollie at home, stopped at Borders so I could get the new Enterprise book, which I meant to talk to Carrie about, and then went home.

I called Travis back in the car, and talked to him for about an hour. He's been reading my blog, so he wanted details about Jeremy, Tracy, Frank &...people. It was fun, but I was getting tired, and I almost went to sleep. I told him I had to go, and I finished eating and got ready for Necto; getting there around a quarter to 1. The music kicked ass tonight, and I danced a lot. I left a few minutes early to bring my car around, and my camera for a few pictures.

I went to Meijer afterwards to see Rhonda and show her pictures of Mark's party, but she got off at 2am. Frank was there though, and we chatted for awhile. My website didn't scare him away, and he has in fact been reading up on me. It was nice chatting with him, and he gave me his phone number; we'll probably hang out for a few hours on Wednesday. Sounds like fun.

Tracy was still at work, so I went over and joined him. We talked in the car for about 40 minutes. We're working on just being friends, as I'm kind of wrapped up elsewhere, but we're mutally attracted... But there's something holding me back there, and I'm choosing to follow my instincts. I had to leave eventually, because I'm exhausted. I just thought I should write this out now before I collapse.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:58 AM
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   Wednesday, June 7, 2006

I woke up maybe 40 minutes after going to bed this morning feeling ill. I think it was a combination of taking my pills late, exhaustion and those evil Friday fries. I went back to bed feeling all shivery. I was late to work for multiple reasons, but I was determined to go - though I wasn't feeling 100%. Later, when it was obvious we were dead, and Bill arrived, DJ asked if I wanted to go home. I so wanted to go, but I wasn't going to ask - but since h asked I went. I went to Kroger to get some groceries, went home, showered again (I showered before bed, and before work) - and watched another episode of Smallville while I ate & tried to relax.

Before I picked Mark up from work, Carrie called me wanting to hang out. Mollie couldn't join us because she had to do some chores. I called Jeremy from Mark's work and made plans with him for Friday night (dinner & a movie - possibly 2, because I can't decide between "House of Yes" or "The Hanging Garden" - or there could be a disturbing number of choices...). Food & are have never been close friends. I'm hoping for Pizza House.

Mark was up for Red Robin with Carrie, but he wanted to cut his hair, so he did that while Carrie got ready, and I sent out some e-mail. Mark did the horny thing again (he cut off most of his hair except two 'horns'). We took Carrie to eat, and a fun time was had by all. Jennifer had tried calling me when I was sleeping before work, so I called her back while we wandered in Target (it was a weird night), but my signal kept fading so I told her I'd call her back around 9pm, her time; midnight here.

After we dropped off Carrie, I decided I'd stay up to call Jennifer, and give me more time between food & bed. I watched 2 episodes of Smallville, with Mark along for the ride, and then gave Jennifer a call, which she didn't answer. Right after that, Tracy called me from his job, drunk, after closing time, saying we should hang out, but I really require some heavy duty sleep. He told me he's going to chicago tomorrow. I knew he was going soon, but I dind't know it was tomorrow. He'll be gone for like a month; he wants me to visit him. I told him my friends & I were thinking about a trip, and he said that would be fine and they could all stay with him and his friend, but I don't want to impose. We'll see. I'll call him and talk to him when he's sober.

Carrie, Mark & I might go bowling Thursday night. Wednesday I'll be seeing Frank for a couple of hours, and then probably go to Aut Bar or something. Friday night I'll be seeing Jeremy; really looking forward to that. Saturday I have a wedding to attend, with Mollie. Saturday night I have zero plans. Sunday night I close the store. And beyond that I have no idea what is coming.

I realize that I explained all that, somewhat out of order, but I'm really tired, and I'm going to bed NOW.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:47 AM
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I went to bed right after the last entry, but I couldn't sleep right away, so I continued reading "A Time To Die", which I haven't found time for in several days. I did get to sleep eventually and woke up a little after 8am. I feel like I might be coming down with a cold, and I know I was around several people who were ill on Monday... Hopefully it's just allergies, as I've had those kick in every summer for the last few years. I know it's allergies when it's gone in a week, or less.

Mark looks cute this morning, and he's taking the car to work, because it's going to rain. I don't blame him, but it means I either have less time to get ready, or that I have to spend more time in the car. I hate repetition. I hate driving down the same roads again & again. It's something that I've always hated, but never communicated to anyone before. Go me. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:43 AM
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   Thursday, June 8, 2006

I thought I might be coming down with a cold yesterday morning, or something; I'd just felt off all week long... But I feel fine now, and have felt fine most of yesterday. I made a cd for DJ including the one song he requested, plus 2 remixes and a mashup - then went with a mashup madonna theme. I was supposed to call Frank from work on my break, but I had forgotten his number at home, and Mark dropped me off so I didn't have the car to go get it. DJ later asked me if I wanted to go home early because they didn't need me, and I said that would be great, but I didn't drive. Heidi was in the store really early so I asked her if she could drive me home and she thought that was a great idea - she went in back to change, and I went back out front to finish the project DJ had given me. Well...I was ringing up people (like I always do), but there was this guy that always, ALWAYS gives me a hard time, and I kind of rushed him through...only he then wanted to do an exchange, which I just didn't think I could do without killing someone, so I asked Bobby if he could do the exchange. DJ then walked up and said: "Why don't you do it?" - and I couldn't say why because the guy was right there, so I said that I was just trying to finish the stuff that DJ had assigned me so I could get home, and DJ said that I should just leave then. He made it sound like I had just done something really horrible, and that I was somehow being cruel to Bobby, which wouldn't have been true, even if I was going for a smoke break, or going to count a drawer or any number of things that other people have done when they've asked me to finish a transaction. So I said I'd love to and went in back to get Heidi. When the guy left I explained the sitch to DJ, but even when he said he should have known better it didn't sound like he meant it - which pissed me off because he had just been a complete bitch to me.

Thankfully Heidi calmed me down in the car, and we talked about her trip to Chicago on Tuesday. Just before leaving the cook guy from Fridays came in with his son Elijah and told me he had said hello to Tracy for me, and we talked for a minute. Then as I was walking to Heidi's car (in the rain), Tracy called but I couldn't answer it because I was trudging through the storm. It was really pouring and I got soaked on my trip to & out of the car. I called Tracy back, and he was just saying hello. He was so drunk last night that he didn't even know that he had called, and much of what he said Tuesday night turned out to be untrue; he wasn't leaving for Chicago on Wednesday after all. He said we'd talk again soon, and he had to go. I called Mark to let him know I was home, then I called Frank, and left him a message.

I had a snack, and took a nap, which Frank woke me up from when he returned my call. Mark wasn't home, though it was almost 6:30pm. Mark called and I got him to come home and work so I could have the car, but it turned out I needn't have bothered, because Frank ended up coming here, and we didn't go anywhere; we just chatted in my room. It turned out very interesting. Seems he had heard of me before, from his ex-bf Bobby. As it turns out, I've heard about Frank from Bobby myself. Frank's middle name is Lee, and that's what he goes by outside of work. I'd heard many tales of Lee while Bobby & he were dating, or whatever, and if I'd known that this was the infamous Lee I wouldn't have asked him out because it would have felt like a kind of betrayal of all that...but because I didn't know, it's just kind of wacky. We had a good time though, and that's all I was looking for. We talked about movies, and heroes, and mashups, and his previous boyfriends, and Jeremy, Tracy, and friends. We talked about a lot of stuff, and I learned a lot about him, which was great. He had to leave to hang out with friends and go to Oz, bu I'm to call him on Friday to see about hanging out again, because he said he had fun.

After he left I spaced out for awhile, then went to Aut Bar to spend some time with people there. I hung out with my old pal Donnie, and his friends Sean & Mike. Mike is 42 years old, and extra hot. I just had conversation, and laughs, but was kind of hungry so I headed home around 1am. I watched 3 & 1/2 Smallville episodes; I'm hooked. I think DJ would like it because it's similar to Buffy (not as well written, but close) - and he likes girls with dark hair, so Lana would please him. I've always loved the character of Lana Lang more than Lois Lane, because the version I'm used to knows about Clark being Superman, and she loves Clark for who he is, while Lois loves Superman and barely gives Clark the time of day - I like her spirit, but mostly think of Lois as kind of shallow and annoying.

Now I'm off to bed, and hoping today will be at least as good as the last half of yesterday. I work 1-5:30, and there are tentative plans for bowling with Carrie & Mark. Friday I work 1-5:30, then I have to call Frank to find out when we can hang out next week. I'm going to dinner with Jeremy, and watching a movie. I'm really looking forward to spending some time with him. Oh, and Mark told me that of all the boys that have been over for one reason or another lately, Jeremy is the prettyest. lol

Mark is going away for the weekend, which is fine...but I'll miss him too. When he gets back I'll give him a big hug. It will probably be good for both of us to be away from each other for a few days. We're so weird.

And if Travis is reading this, I just want to let you know it's been nice talking to you again, and I hope we stay in touch.

Goodnight.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:39 AM
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   Friday, June 9, 2006

I got up with plenty of time to get to work, and got there on time. DJ & I made up; no kissing though :-( lol We got some projects done at work, and when my lunch break rolled around DJ let me go again. I took a couple of pictures of Jeef, as this was the last day that I'll be working with him.

I got Little Caesars on the way home. I called Mark to let him know what was going on. I called Steve Ball and talked to him for awhile on my way home; he's off in Minnesota on his crusade to save bells; a trip that should have ended, but because of complications will last through August, and involve a trip to the Netherlands. He will be back in town for 2 weeks in July. I told him I was bummed I hadn't taken new pictures of him when I had the chance, but he told me he liked my picture project and that I could get some with him on his visit home. He also promised me some time when he gets back to Ann Arbor in August. ;-0)

The pizza was ok, though not exactly what I ordered. I watched some Smallville, then picked Mark up from work. I called my older Sister and talked with her for awhile. Then I called Carrie and set up our Bowling time for 7:30pm; time for me to make some more calls, and Mark to eat. I invited other friends, but it was very last minute, as it often is with me. I'm not much of a planner.

Bowling was mostly fun (I was kicking major ass in the final game, which we ran out of time for) - but $20.00 a lane, per hour seemed steep to me. There was an odd couple next to us who seemed like mother/son, until they started making out. Lots of of laughter, a bit of alcohol, and I was buzzed. We went to Aut Bar after so Carrie could eat, and I could mingle. I saw Andy, and a boy named Brenden that I met at one of Andy's parties; they were playing Euchre; I love playing that game. I wonder if Jeremy likes to play?

Matt was there, and joined us, though it was hard to hear anything as it was quite loud. I kept molesting Matt, which amused me. I still felt buzzed after just the one drink; that at least is fun for me. It was fun hanging out with Mark & Carrie. When we were leaving the bar I got a great Matt Hug, and gave him a little extra tip, which according to all evidence, he enjoyed ;-0) (Don't ask.) Oh, and he just got his lip pierced, which looks great.

After we dropped Carrie off at her car, and headed home, Carrie called, excited beyond words; her boy Kyle had called while she was out. And he had actually called once before, so that's great news for her. I'm going to sign up for Fall Classes at WCC on Monday, and attend Carrie's English class with her on Monday.

I fell asleep for a brief time on the couch when I got home. Then I came up here, finished Smallville, and wrote this. I'm probably going to bed soon. I need to be up early to take Mark to the car rental place. I'm tempted to scan more pictures, or go out and wander, but I know that I shouldn't.

I'm looking forward to seeing Jeremy tonight.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:16 AM
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Ok. I can't sleep. I don't know what the problem is, but it's pissing me off. On the bright side, I just found a whole load of cool peeps on myspace.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:56 AM
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So I eventually slept, if not well. Mark woke me up to drive him to the car rental place. I wanted to go back to sleep so bad, but didn't complain; I knew I had to get Mark to the rental car so he could go to his brother's and then I could relax. I got dressed fast, and we got to the car rental place. I told him I was worried that I might have bronchitis, as I used to get that a lot when I was younger, and I had been coughing last night. I was thinking I might have to call off my date with Jeremy tonight, and feeling a bit sorry for myself. I hugged Mark goodbye and headed home.

Around the halfway point my stomach started with some weird rumblings. My tummy hasn't been normal for 5 years so I wasn't overly concerned... erg. I'm still shakey. Ok. So I took the express way home, and I was heading up Pontiac Trail to get home, and I started feeling like I was going to shit myself. Fun times, huh? Well, I was pretty close to home, but the feeling was overwhelming, and all I could think about was the toilet I'd have access to in like 5 minutes, only that seemed so far away. I sped up, parked on the street, ran inside, tore off my clothes (it sounds hotter than it actually was) and found some relief in the bathroom. I got dressed; thinking the worst was behind me, and that I could move my car into it's assigned space. I opened the door and saw a police truck on the street, which didn't alarm me, as I believe that one of my neighbors might be a cop, and that another one entertains officers on a semi-regular basis. But within a second of me stepping outside my stomch lurched again, and I decided to skip the car, and just worry about myself. I went back inside, and got undressed again. I made it to the toilet again, just in time, and there was a loud pounding on the door. I grabbed a towel, and ran stumbled down the stairs, thinking that one of my neighbors was going to give me something I had dropped, or that the UPS guy was extremely early - only it wasn't anything like that...there were police, like...everywhere. Like in a movie where they've tracked down a serial killer or something. There was the truck, and another car, parked in front of my car, like I might bolt or something. And there was a female cop doing the talking and at least 3 other cops, who appeared to be male. But it felt like there was more because they were wandering around me. I invited them inside (in case I felt sick again), and the officer doing the talking entered the doorway, but not far. The female police officer, who wasn't cruel, asked me if I knew why they were talking to me, and I said no. It was so surreal. And I was all shakey from being sick; I thought they must think I'm a junky or something. They asked who had been driving my car about 20 (I don't remember the exact number) minutes ago, and I told them that I had been. They said that the car had been speeding and passed a police officer, and did that sound familiar? I told them that I was sick to my stomach, and that I sped up when I got close to home, trying to get to the toilet.

They asked that I get dressed and talk to them. Great. When I tried to close the door so I could get up the stairs they stopped the door from closing all the way (like, where was I gonna go?). I stopped at the toilet, and finished what I started, quickly. I pulled on some jeans and put on a shirt as I came down the stairs. I put on some dirty socks I'd taken off yesterdya, and pulled on my beat up tennis shoes. I pulled on my leather, afraid I was going to star shaking... And I was dressed.

When I went back outside she had me sit on the curb, and she told me that I should be thankful that I had such good neighbors, because they had told the cops that I had parked really fast, and run into my house. That didn't make me love my neighbors; it made me resent them. They didn't come and ask if I was ok...they just got the police; I can't imagine anyone thinking that I'm dangerous...so it's just...it was like the Twilight Zone. And there are all these cops on the lawn with me. It probably would have been even more humiliating, except I was so concentrated on my stomch rumbling, and trying not to shiver too much, that it was hard to pay attention to everything happening around me, and take it seriously; it was like a horrible nightmare.

I was asked where I was coming from, and I told them the truth; that I had just dropped Mark off at a car rental place so he could visit his brother for the weekend. I was asked if I had any warrents for my arrest, and I said no. I would have laughed at that question if the timing wasn't so horrible. I was asked what my record was like and I said it was good. She told me I wasn't under arrest, which was probably in response to me seeing a flock of cops on my lawn, and looking so out of it. She wrote me a speeding ticket, and informed me that the entire incident had been videotaped, as her truck was equipped with a video camera. Made me wonder if they'd watch that tape later, and laugh about the sick guy they dragged out of the house - the one who got a speeding ticket for speeding home and not shitting himself.

Looking back on it, they must have thought I was speeding away from them, and that I parked fast, and ran inside to get away, but what they didn't know was that I had no clue they were there. I think I remember passing a truck coming in the opposite direction, but I had no idea it was a cop. All I knew, was that I needed to get home NOW. I wasn't in traffic, and the roads were pretty empty. I could see everything ahead of me, and there were no pedestrians. I sped up this one time on this road (we're costantly getting beeped at on that road for driving the speed limit), to relieve myself, and spare my clothing, and vehicle, and that's all there was too it.

After they let me go, and came inside and called Mark. I felt horrible, and Mark was pissed, and thankfully that wasn't directed at me, or not much of it was. I want to just sleep, and pretend the world is as it should be. Mark says I should call our prepaid legal service on Monday and have the violation reduced to a nonmoving one. We just paid for our car to be repaired out of pocket so our insurance wouldn't go up. And now I'm all kinds of stressed, and still sick, and disappointed that I have to cancel my plans with Jeremy, as that's pretty much all I've been looking forward to all week. I had the movies picked out.

Today is just the worst day that I've had in some time. I called Janice and told her what happened, to help me calm down. She felt they could have given me a warning, given the circumstances. They did say they reduced the speed of the violation, and told me to feel better. I'm still in shock though. I should call into work now, rather than later. I called in on Sunday, and I've been sent home everyday this week. I really thought that yesterday was the day my week had turned around, and everthing was going to be great for the weekend... I feel like crying - but I think I'm too dehydrated to do it.

I just called DJ at work, and told him the whole sorded story. I know I don't sound like myself; like I'm stoned or something. Like I'm talking really slow... It'll get better, right?

I had such a great day yesterday. Work was fun, and I got a lot done. DJ & Jeff were fun. Everything was fun. I got to have Little Caesars, which I seldom get to enjoy these days. I got to hang out with Carrie & Mark. I made plans for school. I saw more friends at the Aut Bar. It was just as great day. And I've been having a lot of great days lately. Some of that has been just making an effort to see as many of my friends as possible. Some of that has been my working environment kicking ass. Some of that has been dating again. Jeremy is a big part of that because I've wanted him for so long; he was this guy that I never thought I could have though I wanted him so much. Jennifer is coming back to Michigan in July. Steve is coming back to the area in August, and I'll see him in July. I'm in communication with more of my older friends than in any other time in my life. I'm getting along with my family, as far as I know... And everything has been good. And this just blind sided me.

I'm going to be ok. I'm going to be ok. I'm going to be ok. If I can just stop shaking I'll be ok.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:31 AM
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   Saturday, June 10, 2006

I cancelled my plans with Jeremy last night; I left him a message. He left me a sweet message later on, saying he'd like to talk to me, and try to cheer me up. It made me smile. I left him another message around 6:53pm, but he never called me back. I hope he wasn't too disappointed about the evening. That's not true, actually. I hope he was very disappointed, but that he was understanding, and that I'll see him again soon. I grew all this facial hair for him, and he didn't even get to see it.

I talked to Mollie a couple of times. She was bummed about the wedding but more worried about me, and happy to not have to spend money she didn't have for a dress that in the end, wouldn't have been that dressy. She later got Adam to take her to the store so they could bring me more bottled water, crackers, tums and the like. They also got me a card, which made me smile. Carrie called me, not knowing I was sick (she promised to call me later on Saturday to check up on me)...but she called to tell me that she went out with Kyle and that the date was fantastic. I was/am very happy for her, and hope things continue to go well for her, or if not, that she treasures the good times, and takes away only the positive. ;-0) I'm very grateful for my friends.

I'm still sick though. It's weird. I was all acidy for most of the day, but I'm not anymore. I've been drinking water for the last few hours (thanks guys), and eating crackers and stuff. I still have diarrhea pretty bad; almost every hour, but I don't feel horribly dehydrated, which is nice, because I hate being dehyrated. I wish I didn't feel this way, so I could have seen Jeremy, and gone to the wedding with Mollie, and seen Matt & Sarah get married; I'd really have enjoyed all of that, but for gross illness, this isn't that bad. It sucks, no lie, but it could be so much worse, and I'm lucky that it's not.

Mark's not having a great weekend either. I spoke to him on the phone a couple times. There's a lot that I wish could have gone better in the last 24 hours, but I wish that he was relaxed and happy; he deserves that, you know?

Oh, there was also a message from Jonathan, which confused me for a second, because I was trying to figure out who it was from. I heard the voice, and the name. He was obviously gay, and I was trying to figure out when I had dated someone named Jonathan - when it later hit me that I never did. That it was just a friend. lol Maybe I can blame that on the illness?

Usually, when I'm sick, I'm miserable. I mean, I hate the world and I'm bitter, but...and this is strange...I just feel...good. Not because this is fun, but because I feel like no matter what happens, everything will turn out ok. I have great friends, and I'm very lucky.

I have 2 more episodes of Smallville to watch, and then I'm out, until I can rent some more. Maybe I'll feel up to getting them tomorrow? Or if not, then I can get them Sunday when I work. Because I've got to be better by then, right? Otherwise I fear this thankful/happy sickness will turn me into monster jason. erg.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:31 AM
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I just woke up around 20 minutes ago. I dreamed I was playing with a friend's pet spider. Also, there were roller coasters. I woke up, sick as before. I got dressed though, and moved my car back into it's spot, so I don't have to worry about it being towed away. I feel kind of weak, and I feel like I should probably stay near the bathroom at all times. But I also feel like I want my room to be clean, and I might clean it a bit later.

There was a message on my phone, from 10:26am, from Jeremy, explaining that his original plan for last night was to come over with soup or whatever I wanted, and to hold me while I was feeling horrible. But, his boyfriend Danny had to have emergency surgery(!?!) last night, so Jeremy spent the night at the hospital with him. OMJ. I hope Danny's alright! I wonder what happened? And I hope Jeremy is alright; he sounded really tired in the message. I just...wow. I'm sick, still, which is starting to worry me, but only slightly. I'm more worried about everybody else.

So there is absolutely ZERO chance for me to attend that wedding now. It's a bummer, but I also find myself not caring about that so much now that I'm obviously still sick, and shakey and stuff. I find myself just kind of being grateful that I don't have to leave the house at all. It was really nice outside, if you're feeling good, but it just made me feel worse.

I think I'm gonna take a shower (I haven't showered in nearly 48 hours - which is unheard of for me). Then I'm going to try to clean my room up a little. I wish Mark was here, so he could return my Smallville DVDs and bring me more. lol. But that's ok. I've got movies, and I've continued reading my Trek book. Maybe I'll scan more of my pictures, now that I know what I'm doing. I posted some of my new ones in my myspace account, but I'm waiting until around November to update my actual picture page on gothboy. I might actually take down all the pictures I have up before then, and leave that section closed for a month or something, until the whole thing is finished being overhauled.

I just realized I only have 10 days until the final boxed sets of Superman & Justice League are released; I wish I had them now so I could watch the Superman set; there are episodes on that one that I've never seen before. Rumors are circulating that Justice League Unlimited will start it releases in the Fall, along with more Batman Beyond. Hope it's true.

I've got a cough now. blah. Poor Me. Stop it!!! I'm trying to keep in good spirits. ;-0) But it's not easy, so wish me luck.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:29 PM
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I think I'm starting to feel a little bit better. I took a shower, and started doing some laundry. I had some actual food, and I have a bit more energy than I did last night, but other than that I'm still feeling pretty gross. Carrie called me, to tell me that she's apparently infected as well, and I haven't seen her since Thursday; hopefully she's the only one who caught it from me. I called Mark, and he's feeling fine; making props and filming scenes with the gang.

I finished the Smallville episodes I'd rented, meaning I've seen all but 1 episode of season 1. We have the first 4 seasons to rent at work, and if I was feeling better, I'd go rent the next 3 discs, but I'm not, so I can't. It sucks. I read a bit more of my book, but I'd rather watch my new show instead. The 5th season comes out on dvd in the fall, and the 6th season starts up around then.

I talked to Jeremy earlier, and Danny's doing ok. He had a stone removed from his gall bladder. J must be so exhausted; working, and worrying about 2 sick boys. He said he'd call me later to see if I needed anything. I'm tempted to ask him for more Smallville, but I don't think I'm going to, because while it would be nice to have something to watch, I'd feel truly horrible if he got sick from being here. Still, it was good to hear his voice, and to know that everything is mostly ok.

I don't know what I'm going to do now. Maybe work on my webpage? Try for some more sleep? I don't know what I'm going to do moment to moment, so it's hard to predict.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:24 PM
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