Sunday, July 2, 2006

post deleted

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:02 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Tuesday, July 4, 2006

I've decided not to post the sordid details of Saturday night/Sunday morning. Given the number of people whom I know actually read my blog, it seems tacky to shell out all that shit, even if it might help me in the short term. I have other outlets, after all.

But the gist of it is, that Jeremy and I are no longer "dating". We care about each other and we will hopefully be great friends. That sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I'm not even sure all that much will change, at least I hope that it won't. I'm kind of torn up about the whole thing, even though it was my idea. I think it was the right decision, and yet, I really... And I'm going on about it again, aren't I?

Sunday night at Hollywood was beyond busy. I was in no mood for shit, and took none. I also may have stretched the dress code a bit, but it was better than calling in, which I considered, as my stomach was stressed beyond the point of common sense - I just didn't want to make things worse for my coworkers, and I just bit the bullet and went into work.

Chad stopped by to rent some dvds. I was just going on my break so I went in sat in his truck for awhile. I'm not sure what we talked about; I was pretty out of it. I went inside and watched some DS9; not daring to eat anything for fear of the consequences. The customers only got more annoying as the night dragged on. Andrea left around 10pm, and Nate was a real trooper. We talked about some stuff that I needed to talk about, so I'm really glad he was there.

After work I came home, and took a nap on my bed, with my clothes on. Later, I washed my sheets and pillow cases. I slept without them as they were in the dryer when I went to bed. I wrote poetry, and worked on some artwork, before bed. I felt numb, and was nearly grateful for it. I can't really express to you enough how disoriented I was starting Saturday night, and well into Monday.

When I was finally crawling out of bed on Monday it was about 4pm. I felt more centered than I expected to. I got some more writing done, and made some real progress on Jeremy's cd, which I've been working on, and he now knows about so I can talk about it here. One of the songs that I didn't think I could use, looks like it will probably be the first track on the cd - and it pretty much rocks. I have some idea about how and why the cd will end. I have 3 or 4 songs that are perfect for it, and others that are required, and still more that just feel good. It could could be fantastic, if a bit intense, but that's kind of groovy. He had told me that I could scan some pictures of him when he was younger, which I think would be great for the cover, but I don't know if he'll avoid me now, or something. I don't think he will, but one never knows.

Chad just called me. He just got home from Aut Bar, and he wants me to come over, to hang out and talk. I hope that doesn't mean sex, because I'm so not up for it tonight. I actually just got out of the shower before this, after just jacking off, which felt great, but...why am I typing this? Anyways, he wants to hang out. I kind of want to go, because I feel like I've been treating him poorly. And I kind of want to stay home, as I was going to really clean my room. I'd already started, with the sheets, and now my comforter. I also wanted to see if I could get some artwork done for the poetry that's building up in my 2006 section... I'm also kind of tired. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a breather and go hang out with Chad for a little while.

But I confess, when the phone rang, that I hoped it was Jeremy.

On a quick side note, the night of July 3 & morning of July 4 marks the 5 year anniversary of the first time I met Travis Kelley in person, and we began dating. It's also been a couple of years since I got a truly amazing blowjob from a George W. Bush lover who (I'm not kidding) wants to get fucked by the president. I never went back for seconds, because even though the pleasure was beyond my expectations, I was afraid of what I might say, if we actually had a conversation.

Alright. I need to get dressed.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:16 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

I only stayed at Chad's for about 2hours. We chatted, but not about anything too serious, and he had a headache, and seemed tired. I left soon after hearing the birds chirping, stopping at Meijer for some groceries. My acid isn't horrible, but it's enough that I can't really lay down. I'm afraid I won't be joining my friends at the beach today, as I doubt I'll get much sleep for several more hours, but it was raining quite a lot, so maybe the day is cancelled, and they'll do something a little closer to home, so I won't have to worry about falling asleep while driving. Or...maybe I'll just go. I don't know. I really want to go, because it just seems like I never get to see all my friends at once anymore...

So...I'm watching Smallville, while my comforter dries. And it's fricking warm in my room.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:42 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Wednesday, July 5, 2006

I watched like 10 episodes of Smallville yesterday. I only have 3 more episodes left in the 3rd Season. Lucky for me we have the 4th Season at work, and the 5th Season comes out in September. I hope it stays as good as it is now.

I didn't make it out to the lake with my friends, but Mollie later called me to talk about it, and I'm kind of glad I wasn't there. Though if I had been, I probably would have left, and brought Mollie home with me. We talked about all sorts of stuff, and it was really great. Before Mollie called me, Jennifer did, and I got to cheer her up, and be there for her. It's fun to be a friend when you can make the crying ones laugh ;-0) We updated each other on the latest boy drama, and Jennifer said she had a dream Saturday night that she met Jeremy. She says she still wants to meet him, which I don't think will be a problem.

I left a voicemail on Jeremy's phone on Monday, and he called me back on Tuesday, but he couldn't talk long, as he & Danny had company. He just didn't want me to read into him not calling me back, and said we'd probably talk today. I have to work today at 1pm; hopefully I won't be late.

I've been working on my webpage for several hours. Most of that has been poetry related; I've been writing a lot lately, which has been nice. I need to get artwork done for 2 of the ones I've written and I'll be all caught up for this year, but I keep writing more.

My throat kind of hurts, and I think it's acid related. I so need to go to bed, but I should put some clothes in the washer so...I can have some to wear to work. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:18 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

I woke up on time. My clothes are in the dryer. I'm eating. My throat still hurts, but it's only on the right side; the side I was sleeping on, so it's almost certainly an acid thing. Wish this shit would just stop; really glad I have that appointment. I need to shave (badly) and shower after I finish eating.

My website has been getting a consistant amount of traffic lately. It makes me wonder who these people are... But I don't think there's anyway I can tell. Perhaps I should have opened a guest book back when I started? I guess it doesn't really matter as the really interested parties have e-mailed me their thoughts on the site.

Well, I could write more, but I don't want to be late for work if I can help it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:57 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Thursday, July 6, 2006

I was about 5 minutes late to work yesterday, but the store was pretty dead, and DJ and I talked for like 10 minutes before I punched in. Mark dropped me off, as I really didn't want to be late again; I hate falling into a pattern like that, and much prefer to be early. I worked with Bobby, who got promoted after all, which is awesome. DJ was there too, obviously, which was way cool. I later worked with Nate & Joe, and when it came time for my shift to end, I stayed for a bit, as I was going to wait for Mark to pick me, up, but I just felt like walking so I started walking home, and called Mark to let him know he didn't need to pick me up. He called me when he was leaving work, and I was right next to Aut Bar, so I went in to get something to drink, and wait for him to pick me up.

While I had walked I called almost everyone on my phone, but nobody answered! lol I left Jeremy 2 messages. I know I broke up with him... but I miss him. I don't know what that will mean later on. I just... I want my Jeremy Damn It!

That reminds me that I need to call my Grandmother today, to see if she has any news on my Father. I also need to call Solomon & Janella tomorrow to see when we're hanging out. I'll try to remember that.

While in Aut Bar, I ordered a sprite, and chatted with a few people. I like the people I meet there, and I always seem to run into people I've met at other places, and this was no exception. The bartender and I had met before. I spoke with Junlian, the waiter, briefly. And before I knew it, and before my sprite was was gone, Mark had arrived.

When we got home, I accidentally stabbed myself in the eye with my sunglasses! It hurt like a bitch! But I took a long shower and all was right in the world. Bryan had called earlier in the day as it was his son Robert's birthday, and he wanted Mollie, Mark & I to come. Mollie couldn't make it as she was...well...unable to be there; trust me. I got ready to go back to Aut Bar, to see if I could see Jeremy as the not seeing him was making me go all stalker boy, and I remembered Robert's party. I told Mark about it, and he said he'd like to go if we didn't have to go right away, and I said that worked for me as I was going to the bar for awhile, and Bryan said it wasn't that big a deal if we came later.

I saw that Jeremy was in a WRAP meeting outside the bar when I got there, but it felt weird watching him, so I just went off and chatted up some more people. I'm good at that. Plus this time I wasn't sweaty from walking across town in the sun. When I looked back to where Jeremy had been he was gone, so I thought I had missed him and he was probably on his way home. I went out in the parking lot to go home defeated, but then I spyed Kim standing behind what I thought was Common Language, but was really the WRAP building. I shouted her name and we got big hugs! ;-0) That was great! I met her friend Megan/Meagan(?); I never know how to spell names - who was really nice, and we hit it off, and I got even more hugs. I also met Rocky, and Megan's hubby who gives free massages on Wednesdays so he can learn his trade. He had just given Kim a massage. I called Jeremy to say hello, as I figured he wouldn't be that busy while driving home, but he was in fact about to get a massage of his very own, and said he'd call me back when he was finished.

I hung out with Kim and M for awhile longer, then drove Kim back to her car, where we talked so more. I'm very glad that I've met this woman. I wrote a poem for her a few days ago, and I told her it was posted on my webpage. And I also made plans to return her shirt to her tomorrow, as she left it in my bedroom a few weeks ago. She told me she was sorry that things weren't going with between me & Jeremy, and that was good to hear... But it made me want to see him even more.

I called Mark to make sure he was ready to go, then drove home to pick him up, but he needed to walk the dog. erg. We made it to the new apartment, and go to spend some time with Bryan, Chris, Chris's mom, Bryan's mom Diana, and Robert (now 17!) and his very pregnant girlfriend Kayla; it was nice, but I was waiting for the call from Jeremy. Kim said his massage would probably be over around 9pm, and it was after 10, so I figured he wasn't going to call. I left him a final message, feeling...sad, but ready to give up, but he called me back later and made plans with me for 1on1 conversation tomorrow, which cheered me up, because I could hear the smile in his voice.

Bryan & Chris have 3 cats, so my allergies were kicking my ass, but I got some soda and some Benadryl, which helped a bit, though my eyes were still really scratchy. We played several hands of euchre, and then a game of uno. Earlier, I browsed through Bryan's pictures...many of them of me, Mark & Mollie! He's going to burn all those (plus some cute ones of Bryan and family) onto a disc for me! I love getting new pictures, and some of those are so cute! There were pictures from Mark's surprise party last year, and we have so few pictures from that day, so that rocked! We headed home a little after 1am.

I started watching Smallville when I got home and finished one episode, before starting the penultimate 3rd Season episode. Bryan is now watching the show, and he's getting into it as well. Cool. While watching the beginning of this episode, Mollie called me freaking out about something I had posted in my blog, only what I posted wasn't all that terrible as she quickly learned. She called me back, and apologised for freaking out, but apparently some stuff was taken out of context by other people and she got reamed for it! I don't even want to say more about it for fear of pissing off other people who might be reading this. I'm censoring my own fricking blog, just so I won't be misunderstood again. It kind of sucks, and it kind of pisses me off. But I'm just gonna tell those involved that I'm sorry if what I posted hurt you, but it wasn't intended to, and I'm sorry that Mollie got the short end of the stick, when she didn't deserve it.

I got several messages all at once on my phone today. I've had my phone for a long while now, and it's been through a lot, so sometimes it fucks up, but I love my phone. I got messages from Carrie, Mollie, Bryan, Mark, & Janice. Some of these messages were from days ago. Carrie wanted to know if I was going to the lake, and she also said she had a juicy story to tell me, so I'm wanting to know what that's about. Mollie also wanted to know about the lake, and then there was a message from the lake, and then still another one. Bryan was calling about Robert's party. Mark wanted to know about what time he needed to pick me up for work, and Janice's message was kind of vague.

I started up Smallville again, but I started falling asleep so I stopped it and went to bed. I slept until about 5:30am. I'll probably sleep more later, but I need to take my pills. I need to get more of that stuff today. Oh, and I got an e-mail from Kim telling me the poem made her cry! She said that she was amazed how well I understood who she is, and that she's really glad she met me! :-0) yay!

Well, I'm gonna go take my pills and then...not sure what I'm doing.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:23 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

I've been doing tons of laundry today. I also managed to return Kim's shirt, and hang out with Jeremy a bit, which was perhaps a mistake, or more accurately a silly stumble on my part, as he obviously needs his time. I got it this time. I won't be bothering him unless Mollie really pushes for Laser Tag, or there's a chance he could meet someone special to me, and even then I'll be gentle. ;-0) Plus I can still write everything I'm feeling out, which is cool, as I was kind of annoyed that I've been writing less in the last few years. lol (That's me, looking at the bright side.) He did get to talk to Mollie on the phone during our visit and he said she sounded cool, so that rocked. Mollie's having another horrible day; when will it end!?!

I guess the pictures I was planning for the cover for Jeremy's cd will have to wait, which is actually ok, because now I don't have to worry about that part. I can do the cover as a seperate gift...or just a bonus later on, or something. Unless he hates the disc, which is always possible when wrangling through emotional turmoil.

I'm thinking of getting a manicure/pedicure combo at Encore, as everyone there seems to think it would be nice for me. I've never done anything like that, so I hope that if I do it, I don't freak anybody out! lol Who knows what's lurking underneath the nails. I'll just make sure I'm extra clean if I do...

Oh, and I might be getting a massage next week, as a friend of Kim & Jeremy's is doing them for free as he learns his craft. I met his wife, and really hit it off with her; her name is Magan, which I'm pretty sure I misspelled when I wrote about her before. She had asked me at the time if I was old school goth, or new... And I told her I'd be 32 next month and that I was old school. lol She liked that. Kim plugged my website and she sent me an e-mail today telling me all the cool things we have in common, which amused me greatly. Oh, and she's a Catherine Wheel fan!!! I knew I couldn't be the only one! ;-0)

Oh My Joss! I used this great Michelle Featherstone song for one of Shawn's cd's years ago (though he's never heard that one), and I never listened to the rest of her stuff, but it's so awesome! I found her on myspace and I've been grooving to her all day. You can hear one of her songs, now playing in my profile, but hurry because I've been changing my songs really often. I'm trying to get it from itunes but I'm having tech problems! Oh, and Mark ordered me a shirt that says something like: "Joss Whedon is my master now.", Love it.

Smallville continues to entertain. I thought the 2nd Season Finale was horrible, but the 3rd was a huge improvment, and season 4 is starting with a bang, just as season 3 did. Cool.

I really want to get those pictures from Bryan ASAP! I probably work with him tomorrow so I'll try to set something up then. I'm really proud of all the work I've been getting done on my webpage; I hardly updated it at all last year, or the year before. The website is this year's project, and it's going pretty well.

I slept for 3 more hours after the Jeremy visit, then wrote some poetry, before going to Meijer for Prilosec, and then picking up Mark. We went to McDonald's again, which I find oddly comforting. While he drove, I talked, and talked, and it's good to have Mark in my life. He's talking about dating people again, which would probably be good for him; hope that pans out...though I'm not sure if that makes any sense at the moment.

When we got home, I finished the art icons for the 2 new poems and posted them, then wrote this so the site would be updated as fully as possible for now. I need to do some more laundry, and get some other stuff done.

Oh, and I cleaned my room & took out the trash today too. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:54 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Friday, July 7, 2006

I slept after the last entry, until about 1am. I woke up, did some more laundry, watched some Smallville, and then did some truly inspired work on Jeremy's cd. Things that I thought would be really hard, actually aren't, so that's cool, but I really don't know if he'll actually like the results. Of course I didn't think Shawn would like his, but he's really embraced the tracks that he's heard, and even Travis loved his, which I had thought was intentionally harsh with him. Maybe people just appreciate honesty, but this one's got some pretty personal Jeremy info on it, or at least my interpretation of it, and that's where I could be wrong about something, and that will be recorded. So I'm nervous, but I'm trying to frame it in such a way, that it will be fine even if I'm wrong. Some of it is based on dreams, which takes away some of that stress. ;-0)

Mark tried to fix itunes for me, but there's a new firewall on itunes or comcast which is preventing me from getting my music, which I'm way pissed about. Mark doesn't know what to do, which seldom happens, but maybe he'll get it later.

I went back to bed around 6am, but didn't really fall asleep til about 7:30am as the neighbors were fucking - quiet for them actually, but still...and then I just couldn't stop moving. Does that ever happen to other people? Where you're tired, and comfy, but before you can drift off to sleep, you just have to move? It's really annoying.

Mark woke me up from a dream about taking him to a piercing parlor, for moral support. I was to hold his hand while he was pierced, but he passed out when he saw the artist, and I told them what he wanted done, but woke up before I got to see what was pierced. I tried to say as little as possible and kept my eyes closed, in hopes of getting back into the dream and finding out what Mark got pierced, but while I got back to sleep quickly, I don't remember what I dreamt.

I answered the phone at 9:53, and it was Jeremy, which I really didn't expect. He was surprised that I answered the phone, but when I saw the time, I knew I'd be staying up now, so I could finish the laundry that I needed for today, and get ready so I could be on time for work. He was just calling to thank me for my patience, and my poetry, which he said he really appreciated. Aaaahhhh. And he sounded like he was smiling, and like he was less troubled, which was a nice sound to wake up to. He wants to get together and talk again soon. Hopefully I can keep my hormones in check this time. I'm sure I can; it will just take some practice, and possibly a lot of masturbation before hand. lol We'll see how that goes, but the phone call was nice.

I called Mark to tell him about my dream, and the call from Jeremy. We talked for awhile, and set up a time for him to pick me up for work. I told him I was grateful for him, and glad that he was in my life, and he said the same to me, and that he especially liked that I called, and that he enjoyed the talking. ;-0) We don't always trade insults. lol

So I got some clothes out of the dryer, put some more in the dryer, put still more in the washer, and hung up the clothes I got out of the dryer. Then I wrote this. I need to take some prilosec, as my stomach is unhappy; I hate that part of my life. I really do. I sometimes feel like just ripping out my stomach...or I have minor fantasies about dying. They are minor in that I quickly think about my friends and loved ones, and realize there's just no way that I can do that; at least not now. I'm not opposed to suicide; I'd just like it to be on my terms, and a good time, where I don't fuck up a ton of other people, you know? I'm sure several people reading that will be disturbed, but I'm just being honest, and if your stomach was upset all the time, for 5 years, you'd probably feel the same way.

So, yeah, I'm gonna take the prilosec, shave and shower, and later...eat something, and try to get myself prepped for Hollywood. ;-0)

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:42 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

I was ontime for work. Matt, Bobby & Bryan were there. The store was mostly dead, but we were having fun. There's this woman that comes in fairly often, and loves our Foreign, Classic, & Criterion sections. She's an older woman who's very opinionated...but horribly condescending about it. She rips into people without even trying. Well, I don't usually have a problem with her...but she was trying to tell us that a movie didn't belong in the Classics section, when it obviously did. And then when she learned that I don't love comedies, said that all young people like tragic films, but that when they get as old as her, they will grow to love the comic. I told her that I may very well learn to love comedy with age, but that I hoped I wouldn't learn to make grand generalizations about people based on their age. And then I had to walk away. The thing is, she does know a lot about film, but it's the way she chooses to express it that ruins it all.

They were going to send someone home early, and I was next in line, so off I went. I called Jeremy to let him know, as he mentioned he might have time to stop by, and I didn't want him to make the trip and then find that I wasn't there; I left him a voicemail. I went home, and started watching Basic Instinct 2, which will be released Tuesday. I stopped the movie about an hour in and took a nap. I can't sleep more than 3 or 4 hours at a time lately because of my acid reflux, so I catch sleep whenever I can.

I got up around 5:30 to go pick up Mark. I went to Meijer first to get some cranberry juice and some earplugs. I went to Mark's work, where we stayed for 40 minutes or so, because Mark was on the phone with an important client. I called Janice to find out if she had heard anything from dad. I had called our grandmother earlier in the week, and she told me dad got an apartment in Ypsi aobut a month ago, and he said he'd get in touch with her once he was settled, but he never did. I might try to tack him down tomorrow, and Mark wants to take me to Best Buy to look at my new monitor. I'm getting a new computer for my birthday, and it's got all kinds of things that I've really needed for YEARS. Mark drove us home, and I took another nap, before finished BI2, which wasn't horrible; it had some great moments, but most of it was sub par.

I ate. I set some more stuff up for Jeremy's cd. I talked to my friend Paul on the phone about recent events. He's got a lot of experience with mpd through our mutual friend Michelle, and says he has a great book for me, and will get info for me that could shed some light for me, or maybe a friend of mine, though it's too early to tell. That was really great to hear though; I knew he'd be able to hook me up.

I thought I might go out tonight, but I'm not sure now. I'll see if I can sleep first.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:40 PM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]

   Saturday, July 8, 2006

I slept until about 5:15am, which was really great! ;-0) Then I found an e-mail from my friend Paul, which will hopefully help out a friend of mine; awesome. I replied to a bunch of e-mail, took my prilosec, scanned some pictures (not a lot, though), and I might watch some Lord Of The Rings later, or not. I'm not certain.

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:01 AM
   [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]