Saturday, December 2, 2006

This last week was/is a blur for me...which means I did far too much, while doing nothing at all. Things I remember doing include a Thursday night photo shoot, watching "The Monkey's Mask" on Friday, going to Aut Bar/Necto Friday night, catching up on Nip/Tuck & Smallville all through the week, work, being stood up, scanning pictures, reading, running out & about, blah blah blah blah blah... It wasn't anything special, but while this blurred memory thing usually annoys me, I find it oddly comforting today.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do tonight.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:23 PM
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   Monday, December 4, 2006

Work was fun work. Um... I'm now completely caught up on Smallville (which has never happened before) and I'm pretty sure they introduced Martian Manhunter in the most recent episode ("Static"). Hopefully they Justice League will form soon, as we've already met Aquaman, Cyborg, Green Arrow, Impulse/Flash & of course Clark Kent. Also...just watched the new TORCHWOOD and it was my favorite episode of the season so far; it was called "They Keep Killing Suzie". The show is starting to find it's legs, only 8 episodes in; there are only 13 in the season. I don't know if there will be another season of it or not, though I hope there is, and Captain Jack will be returning to Doctor Who in season 3. ;-0) I want to rewatch Season 1 & 2, but I should probably wait for Mollie & company to do that. Also waiting on Mollie to watch the last 6 episodes of Desperate Housewives.

Been working on my webpage. Hope to have more pictures posted by the end of the week. The new galleries are coming along. I think people will enjoy them. I wish I had more Torchwood/Dr. Who to watch right now. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:26 AM
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   Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Got more pictures taken. It seems like it should be more fun than it is. Though some of it is very cool. Hopefully those turn out. I'll be taking them in today, and hopefully getting them back in the evening, and until then I'll be just trying not to obsess over them. lol. It's always like that.

I have this craving for toast. lol Don't ask me why, because I really don't know. I'm almost tempted to go to the store and get some bread just so I can have some fricking toast. But the somewhat rational part of my brain is telling me to wait until later. That way I can drop Mark off; drop my film off; get the bread and come home again.

I have to work today, but have the next 2 days off. Maybe Bill will take some pictures? That would be nice. I haven't heard from or seen Jeremy. :-0(

I'm nearly done with "Brightly Burning" which I started rereading ages ago, but I got sidetracked by other books (like I always do), and when this is finished I'll be reading...not sure what I'll be reading really.

I watched "The Family Stone" a few hours ago. Fantastic movie really. Glad to have it as part of my collection. And I think Mollie would enjoy it...a lot. Speaking of Mollie; I haven't seen her since Poker night. :-0( Not seeing much of anyone lately, I guess.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:23 AM
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   Wednesday, December 13, 2006

In the last week I've continued watching movies. I go though long periods where I don't watch any, which must sound weird for someone who works in a video store, and has such a large collection, but there it is. The last one I watched was "The Devil Wears Prada", which I enjoyed a lot, and thought it was worth seeing, but it wasn't a perfect kind of movie that I'd want to watch again, and again...unless it is. I keep thinking about it, even though it's not all that deep; probably because I loved the ending.

I'm on a Robotech kick. Do you remember Robotech? Well, I never forgot it. I used to own the entire series (including the incomplete 2nd season) on VHS. I've owned most of the series on DVD for years, but found myself enjoying it less; never completing my dvd collection. I ordered some last week; I'll be 2 discs short of a complete set. But I also got my books out of storage. I read those books over and over when I was in middle school, and up until just before I graduated, 10 years ago, shortly after the final book was released. Unlike most other fans, I prefer the novels to the actual series on which they're based, as there's far more continuity and common sense in the books. I also enjoyed the new ending to the incomplete Sentinels series, and the the 4 "original" books: "The Zentraedi Rebellion" (which incorporated "The Malcontent Uprising comics storyline), "The Masters' Gambit" (which brought in info from "Robotech: The Movie" and the CyberPirates comic story), "Before The Invid Storm" (which referenced the comics written as an alternate ending to the books; comis that saved some characters in the process, while mutilating others; the new references here fix that), and the final novel in the series: "The End of the Circle" - which serves the novels that preceded it, all very well. Wow. Didn't mean to go on like that. But I'll probably go on about Robotech in more detail sometime soon. ;-0)

Sunday I started playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance, which Mark got for me. It's awesome, and I'm hooked. It's kind of like Diablo II, only with Marvel characters. My 4 person team is made up of Captain America, Spider-Man, Iron Man & The Human Torch (Johnny Storm) - my favorite of the bunch. You can also play as Storm, Mr. Fantastic, Sue Storm, The Thing, Wolverine, Blade, Luke Cage, Deadpool, Spider-Woman, Iceman, Dr. Strange, Thor, Elektra, Daredevil, Black Panther and some others I haven't unlocked yet, plus you interact with the likes of Nick Fury, Mysterio, Scorpion, Jean Grey/Phoenix, Mystique, Nightcrawler, The Vision, Hank Pym, Charles Xavier, Black Widow...and tons more. So a lot of the fun is just seeing, or playing with all these different well known characters.

I saw Jeremy Sunday night at the bar. It was good to see him, and I got a kiss. He's super busy lately; trying to avoid something. He couldn't talk about it then, but he hoped to come over on Monday - only those plans were broken by WRAP bullshit. I'll hopefully see him next week. I miss him.

Mollie. Mollie is moving to Tennessee. I feel bad for her. I feel bad for me. But it's kind of (and this is the part that sucks most of all) her best option right now. Her mom has been very ill for some time now, and I'm kind of surprised that she's still alive at all. Well, she's fading faster and faster, and this way Mollie gets to spend time with her before she dies, which is a good thing. Mollie also has some serious debt issues, stemming from student loans, which are affecting her ability to live here. In Tennessee Mollie will have a place to stay with far less rent, and a car, and she can take care of her debt without worrying about her bills. That's all very good. But on the down side, she'll be in Tennessee, which she hates. She'll be near Greg, her mother's boyfriend, who she can't stand. Greg doesn't bathe; I've smelled him in person, and it just wasn't pretty. And it's a lot warmer and sweatier in the South, so I can only imagine it's worse there. She won't have me or Mark, Carrie, Adam, Bryan, Chris, Robert, Diana, Wendy, Jennifer or anybody when she moves out there - not with her - not like now. And we won't have her. This is going to suck beyond the telling of it. She's not leaving until the end of February, and says she'll most likely only be there a year at most...but that's a whole year without Mollie. I'm still in shock about the whole thing...I feel numb.

I'm downloading the season finale of Nip/Tuck - I hope it's good. Torchwood, which has broken ratings records on the BBC, has been greenlit for another season (yay), with only 4 left to go in the first season (plus the Dr. Who Christmas Special) to hold me over until the next spin-off starts soon after. I'm all caught up on Brothers & Sisters, and Smallville, but those shows don't come back until January.

I should probably motivate myself for more pictures in the near future. I'm going to my work x-mas party tonight at DJ's. I have to work 1-5:30pm. I have tomorrow off. I work Friday. I have plans with my sister, father, niece & nephews on Saturday, though I think my father has yet to confirm. And that's my life as I know it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:26 AM
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   Saturday, December 23, 2006

Times Suck. I'm fine. Really. But everyone around me is falling apart, which is almost worse. :-0(

Mollie is moving at the end of the week. Her power has been shut off on Christmas weekend!?! She has to get rid of some of her stuff, just so she can move to the crappy SOUTH, so she can survive. She has to leave her friends, and coworkers, and her life - to live with/near her dying mother, and her mom's asshole boyfriend, who doesn't know what a shower or soap, or work is. She has to pack in the cold & dark on Christmas. She doesn't want friends around because she's really emotional...and I don't know that there is anything we can do to help her. It's horrible.

What's up with me though? Well... Last Sunday I closed the store. I had Monday & Tuesday off. Tuesday marked 11 years since I met my roomie Mark. We both had the day off, and we saw Jeremy, & Mollie. I tried on wigs, and masks, and Mollie made me laugh alot. It was perfect...and me be the last time I see her happy in a long time.

Wednesday I worked over, and then went to visit my cousin Joy. I was already tired before I went there, but felt like I should go. We talked, and talked, and I was getting tired, and had to drive home, so I was saying goodbye, when one of her dogs attacked the other, and there was blood, and a really disgusting wound. I held Joy while she cried, and tried to be there. I held her dog. I don't like being around animals; I don't hate them, or want them to suffer, but I'd rather not be around them if I can help it. But I held the dog and helped out. She knew she had to go to the vet and was really messed up, so I offered to go with her, and off we went. I almost fell asleep driving, and I was hungry, and starting to get a migrain, but I hung in there, and everything worked out - and I finally got home and asleep. She sent me a nice thank you e-mail the next day.

I had Thursday off. I don't really have any recall of what I did that day. Everything is blurred in my head right now. Oh...I made plans to hang out with my online friend Jason that day, only we were both tired, and then that didn't work out, but we're going to try again today. I'm going to call him in a little while.

I worked Friday. We have new people working at the store. Alex (male) & Meghan (female). Alex is 18 and really quiet. Meg is 19, and a blast. Work was mostly fun Friday, and I was in a great mood all day. I've been rewatching Dr. Who this week, and I finished the first season of the new series this morning.

I need to shave, and shower, and call Jason and see if we can hang out today. Ugh. I feel so helpless. I got Duran Duran's last CD finally, and I really like it. Damn it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:24 PM
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   Thursday, December 28, 2006

I've been having recurring dreams about New York. I've never been there. I once promised a woman, long since dead, whom I met in an emergency room, that I'd go to Christopher Street in New York. I've always felt like I didn't actually have to go, since what she wanted me to see there was that being gay wasn't a crime, and that I wasn't a freak; that I wasn't alone. I've known that for years, and I feel that her message reached me, and that she'd be happy for me. Plus I really hate to travel. lol But these dreams are shaking me. Maybe they will pass. I don't know.

My best friend for the last decade or so, is leaving Michigan today. I don't know when I'll see her next. She has to go though, and I know it's for the best, but it hurts, and sucks in all kinds of ways. I went to her going away thing last night. I gave her some cash and a poem:

MOLLIE ANYMORE

She's leaving tomorrow
and I'm so filled with sorrow
that I can't cry or feel without falling apart...

So I'll just lay here weeping
'till I'm finally sleeping
I wish I could heal or I knew how to start...

For when I am broken
I always have spoken
to her for she knows me and what I adore...

And I know that I'm selfish
because I cannot help this:

"I can't be without my Mollie anymore."

Written By Jason Wright
DECEMBER 27, 2006

For Mollie Baker:
The sister I always wished for,
and the best friend that I've ever had.

Come Back To Me.

Soon.

Anymore.
-------------------

The 'anymore' thing is an inside joke. She told me that people in the South say 'anymore' at the end of sentences as if it were some kind of spoken punctuation.

I almost cried a dozen times at the gathering, which I'm pretty sure most everyone there noticed, though I tried to put on a brave face. It was the worst when I had to hug Mollie goodbye. She told me not to cry, because she would start crying. And then I left her, as we all walked towards our homes.

She sent me a very personal, very intense e-mail this morning, which I'd like to post here, but I'm not sure it's the proper place, so I won't. I really wish I could though. I never know what I can & can't post here. It's a bit confusing to me. Suffice it to say that it made me cry, and it was alright to cry because I was home alone, in my room, where I wouldn't be bringing everyone else down.

Saturday I had a kind of date with this guy I've known from online for about a year or so. He was so cool online, but we never found the time to hang out. I gave him my phone number ages ago, but he never called me. But we finally got things all worked out, and it was fun, and I liked him in person. He's just a great, fun, hot guy. But he's got some personal issues that have to do with an ex-bf who was a total dick to him, and the baggage from that is still very much with him. I don't know if we should just be friends, or what I should do... I really like him though.

I met this other guy (Michael) at Aut Bar a few months ago, but he was there with his boyfriend. I thought maybe we'd end up having a 3some. His boyfriend later tracked me down online, and sent me a pic of his own dick, and hit on me something fierce. But it kind of icked me out, as I knew he was still with the other guy, though online profiles he showed me, which had all been kept up to date, all claimed he was single, and looking for sex... So when I saw that guy in the bar not long ago I made sure to leave quickly.

But this Michael guy, he was cute, and funny, and HOT...he's a hairdresser, and he was there for a birthday party. Anyways, as I was leaving, the night I met him and his partner, Michael's gal pal, coworker, came up to me, and said she wanted to get my phone # for Michael. I said that seemed strange because he was leaving with his boyfriend, but she said that the boyfriend was a sleeze, and it wouldn't last, and that she knew that Michael has had a crush on me for years!?! I gave her the # but didn't expect anything to come of it. Only he called me last night. I couldn't talk because I was getting ready for Mollie's party, but I thanked him for calling, and told him we could hang out sometime. This kind of thing only ever happens when I've recently had a date. It's like I finally show up on the gaydar, and boys just hit on me right and left.

There was this boy at Pizza House last night who was hot, and I kept looking at him, and he kept looking at me, but that wasn't why I was there, and kept getting distracted (lol) by all the Mollie stuff...and getting weepy, and then laughing at stories, and I missed him as he was leaving. But that doesn't really matter. blah.

Haven't heard from Jeremy in ages. I should really track him down and force him to tell me what the fuck is going on with him.

I really, really, need to get ready for work.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:57 AM
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   Saturday, December 30, 2006

Mollie is in Hell. Not kidding. I'm on the phone with Carrie right now brainstorming on ways we can save a person from Hell. Well, now she's on the phone with Mark.

I left my phone in the car last night on accident, and didn't get it out when I realized it at like 11pm, as I was naked, and not wanting to be outside. I got dressed today, to check for the mail and get my phone. I'd missed a call from Mollie about an hour before. I called her back, and she was crying.

Now you have to understand, that Mollie movied to Tennessee to be near her mother, who is dying. Her mother has a boyfriend named Greg, who chain smokes, doesn't bathe, and hasn't worked in years, while he's leeched off of Mollie's mom - who I'm guessing is really lonely, and so overlooks this guy's obvious faults. Ick. I've met this guy and he's soooooooooo GROSS. Vile. Disgusting.

Add to this, that Mollie is having money problems. Her wages from work were being garnished because of her debt from Student Loans; they were taking about $500.00 from each of her checks. Mollie's rent was something like $800.00 a month I think. She lived with her brother Kenny, but he was in an IMPOSSIBLE sitch at work, and was most likely about to be fired (through no fault of his own).

Add to this, that Mollie & Kenny don't have a car, and had limited options of where they could get to, to work. Mollie hated her job, but worked there for 6 or 7 years I think - because she had too.

Now take all that into account, and then listen to this. Her mom & Greg tell Mollie that if she comes to live near them, they will set them up in this nice little house, owned by a friend. They will give her a car. The rent is way cheaper so she can take care of her debt, and build up some credit. She doesn't love Tennessee, but she doesn't have a lot of options, and she wants to be near her dying mother. She doesn't want to say goodbye to her friends here...but what option does she have?

We all accepted the logic of this, though it sucked. She left, in a positive mood - trying to see the silver lining; looking forward to this upcoming brief time in a place she didn't want to be - making the most of this - so she could come back stronger than ever. We all hoped for the best.

They rented a trailer, which her Mom & Greg drove up to Michigan to haul Mollie & Kenny's stuff back with them. There wasn't even room for all of their stuff, and they had to leave some behind...but Mollie continued looking at it in a positive way...even when we could all see that it sucked. Off they went...and we thought this new chapter was going to be hard...but good.

Only we were all lied to.

The "house" as they called it, is, as we already knew - basically in the middle of nowhere. It's within walking distance of Mollie's mom's house though. The closest town with a movie theater is 2 hours away. We knew this before she went there. What we didn't know, is that this "nice" little "house" had carpets drenched in cat piss; that all the windows [ALL OF THEM] are broken; there are holes in the ceiling, and it's raining; there isn't any power yet, the washing machine is in the middle of the kitchen; there's roach bait all over the place...and Mollie couldn't bring herself to tell me through her sobs, what a horror the bathroom was.

How Horrible Is That?

Mollie refuses to move into the house. All of their stuff is inside the trailer. They didn't rent a truck as it was too expensive, so she can't leave. And the car that was promised them....IT DOESN'T WORK!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE?

Mollie, still trying to make the most of this horrible mess...asked her Mother to pick up a newspaper while she & Greg were in town. Mollie wanted to look for a new place, and a job. Her mother refused! REFUSED to help her daughter find a better place to live. How can this happen? Mollie & her brother are trapped in the Tennessee Chainsaw Massacre without the loving (by comparison) Leatherface to lean on.

I told Mollie that if she wants to come back, we can come pick her up. But her mother is dying. Her mother is in la la land. I can't fucking believe this. Mollie left her job. She left her apartment because her mom needed her. She's going to get another eviction, which will make it really hard for her to find a new place. This whole sitch just sucks so fucking bad. Ugh.

Mark, Carrie, Adam & I are all working on finding ways to help her.

I need to eat. damn it.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:54 PM
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