Thursday, March 1, 2007

I just woke up. I only got 5 hours sleep because it was so hot in my room; ick. I'm so tired! But I have to get ready for work and stuff, and Mark wants to go the Sprint store after work today, so they can "fix" my phone, which I don't really need. When I try to go to my voicemail, it goes to a different phone #'s voicmailbox - but all I have to do is call my phone own # to get to my voicemail. I do want it taken care of, but it's not required that I do that today, when I could be getting the sleep that I was deprived of last night because Mark had the heater on.

But I'll probably go anyways...because last night Mark freaked out about me having to get the mail, and bring in some bottled water from the car that I bought us. I understand the water part...sort of. But the mail? My stomach was really upset at the time, which I told him. When it's like that I don't like to have anything touch it, so I was naked and Mark was fully clothed. But when I asked him why he didn't get the mail he said it wasn't his turn!?! Like he was in 3rd grade or something. I don't understand why it was so important for me to suffer, just to get the mail, that he could have gotten in far less time. Especially since I was planning on getting the stuff anyways; I just wanted my stomach to settle first.

So now I was getting pissed, which makes my stomach more upset...which he knows...or he would if he had a heart or a memory or some combination of the two, which he apparently had removed sometime ago. I wanted him to leave my room. But if I tell him to get out of my room, he tells me I'm being mean...so I asked him to please leave my room, without raising my voice. And then he didn't move; and what I didn't say before is I'm laying in bed and he's hunched down right on top of me...just staring at me, which I find annoying. I just wanted him out of my face. I asked him again, and pointed out that I had asked politely, and he said something like it didn't count since he didn't believe I really meant it; that I wanted him to stay, and that I really didn't mean the PLEASE part. I told him he was wrong, and that I would be very grateful if he would leave. Then he said "Please go get the mail and water. Please.", to suggest that because he was now being 'polite' I should then do it, though he was asking me to do something that would hurt me, which he could do without the same problem - or he could wait a bit and it wouldn't be a problem. UGH! I asked him to leave again, and he did, but he refused to close my door because he wanted to annoy me. I actually asked him if he could close my door (because he opened it when he came in the room) and he said no. I guess he couldn't do it because it wasn't his turn. bitch. I would have slammed the door closed, because it would have felt good after that bit of shit, but of course I can't do that, because he has this inner ear thing that makes me slamming the door "an act of violence". One time, before I even knew about this problem of his, he threatened to punch me in the face for slamming my door and refusing to apologise...for slamming my bedroom door. It's like there's this littel monster inside him that creeps out at the strangest moments, that I just can't predict.

Eventually my stomach settled, and I took a shower, got dressed, and got the mail and the water. Mark didn't thank me, and he was right there when I did it. Sometimes Mark is really, really cool. But a lot of times it's like he's a really annoying child, and I don't know what to do when he's like that. Sometimes he apologises later, and other times he doesn't. It's just really old now, and I'm sick of it.

Luke stood me up last night. He told me he'd be heading out to my place around 7pm, and that he'd give me a call. He never called, but the last time he came over he was supposed to call first and then didn't, so I thought maybe he'd do the same thimg, only he didn't. I called 3 times, but there was no answer, and I left him a message saying I wasn't going to call anymore but that I just wanted to know that he was ok. He sounded really depressed and stressed out the night before, which makes me a bit more worried that I'd otherwise be.

In the wake of Luke not being around, I watched some X-Files episodes, that my friend Pat let me borrow. They were good. And I also read more of Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets, and later I gave in and also read the first 4 chapters of the new Star Trek Enterprise book which, besides a reference to the Xindi attack on Earth on an improbable date, has been kicking ass! It's even got ties to DS9, so it's like reading a DS9/Enterprise book, which are by far my favorite Treks. I read another chapter of Harry Potter after that, before I had to turn off the heater just to stop sweating so much. It was gross.

30 days until Doctor Who.

Anyways...I need to get ready for work now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:52 AM
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Mark told me late last week that I'd need to drive him to work this week, as he wouldn't be able to pick me up on his lunch, for work related reasons...only we both forgot about that today. I'd been planning on driving him to work so I could have the car, so I could get some lunch on my break, and go to the bank & Kroger after work before picking up Mark, only now I can't. Add to that, that I have to find a ride to work, which is surely becoming annoying to my manager by now... Though I do like riding with him to work, as we get to talk...but that's besides the point.

I called work and Matt answered the phone. Apparently he's there with the new assistant manager they're we're training for 3 weeks, to be sent off to some other store, who I haven't met yet; DJ is at the bank. Hopefully they can intercept him before he gets back to work and he can just come get me. I know I can rely on others, but I'm still loath to ask for help. In truth, I'd rather just stay home and read, but who wouldn't? lol Ooh. And I could sleep more too. Damn. Oh, well. At least my job doesn't suck the way a lot of other peoples' do. There are a lot of people out there who really need jobs and don't have them, so I'm really very lucky where my job is concerned. ;-0)

I just ate. I'm trying not to throw up. Isn't that attractive? But that's my life now. And probably always will be. Yuck.

If Matt gets ahold of DJ I don't think they'll call me until DJ gets here, so I should probably make sure I'm completely ready to walk out the door at a moment's notice. Hopefully sometime today I'll get to sleep. And it wouldn't hurt to find out that Luke is ok too.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:57 PM
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   Friday, March 2, 2007

Work went well yesterday, and though I insisted on giving DJ $2.00 for gas (as he's picked me up several times now), he told me that while that may alleviate my guilt, that I have no need to feel guilty. He says that he likes picking me up because it gets him out of the store for awhile, and we get to talk. That's nice to hear, and I hope it holds true in the future, as it will most likely happen again someday. lol

Like I said, work was fun, despite some bitch phone caller, who went off on me for no reason; people who were standing next to me and overheard the conversation couldn't believe it. I didn't let it get to me though. I returned Pat's X-Files dvds to him and thanked him, and we talked about the show a bit. I watched an episode on my break. I was super tired though. Oh, and I guess Heidi got this great job in Chicago that she's by trying for, so she'll be leaving us :-0( I'm really excited for her though, because she so deserves it! I'll miss her though. I worked with Matt, DJ, John (the in-training-assistant manager), Jonathan, Pat, & Nate. Bobby stopped in for a bit, and I signed a card for Josh Herder; he's turning 21. I worked over, waiting for Mark, but thankfully he didn't insist we go to the Sprint store.

I had called Carrie on my break and told her I'd return her call when I left work, but as I was walking out of the store into a downpour, my phone rang, and it was Travis. We caught up on some stuff, and it was a good conversation. I'm glad that we got past all that horrible shit he put me through and we can be something like friends now. I'm always happy when I can talk to an ex, and we can get something out of it.

I called Carrie back when Travis let me go. By that time I was home, in bed, aching to sleep, but also wanting to hear all of Carrie's news, which is always good fun. We chatted for 40 minutes or so, and it was great talking to her; she made me laugh almost the entire conversation...but eventually I had to admit how tired I was and get some sleep. Which I did. I only slept for about 4 hours though. Then I watched another episode of X-Files, and then read 4 or 5 chapters of Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets.

While doing that I also ate, as I was quite hungy, not having eaten since my break at work. I also got some work done online, but the internet crashed for a few hours, which screwed things up for awhile. I didn't wake Mark up to fix it, as I figured he needs his sleep, and I just sort of hoped it would sort itself out, which obviously it has.

I still haven't heard from Luke. It's possible he's doing the annoying guy thing, where they stand you up, and then just never talk to you again, for no apparent reason...which would be somewhat weird this time, as he was calling & texting me a lot, and saying he wanted to come over...and even wrote me a song!?! So...him not calling has me worried, even while experience tells me he (in his capacity as a young human male) is just being a dick. Hopefully I'll know one way or the other fairly soon.

I'm tired. I'm probably going to read myself to sleep soon. I work today, but Mark says he CAN pick me up for my shift today, which is good news. Beyond work I don't really have any plans for the night. Jennifer said she might stop by our condo on Saturday, and she's supposed to call me about that, but I'm not holding my breath for that, even though I'd love to see her. I have Saturday off. I work Sunday, and then have Monday-Thursday off. I work Friday and then have Saturday off again, and I undoubtedly close the following Sunday. I'd probably be looking for more hours if I wasn't enjoying all this reading I've been getting done.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:52 AM
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   Saturday, March 3, 2007

My stomach was less than thrilled yesterday. But eventually all was well. Work was mostly fun; I worked with DJ, Michael, Matt, DJ, Nate, Joe & John. I feel like I'm forgetting someone. Heidi will still be working at Hollywood on the weekends for awhile I guess, or that's what DJ told me. After work Mark & I went to the bank so I could deposit some money I had, and it looks like my tax return has been added to my account, which is really great. I haven't had this much cash in nearly 2 years.

I've been thinking about renting some fancy clothes for future pictures on my website. A suit out of the 40's or 30's that, in the right space, with Mark's amazing photography skills could be amazing! I think it would show off his skill even more than he already has, and it would look cool on my webpage. I'm looking to get heavily stylized pictures, as I now have quite a few candid shots. I need to mix it all up. And I really love mixing the color & black and white pictures. I need a wide variety of color shots too. When my new galleries are done they should rock! That's something I'd be a lot closer too if I hadn't been so lazy the last few months.

I forgot to take my prilosec this morning, so my stomach is extra pissed off, but I'm hoping it settles soon, as Mark really wants to go to the Sprint/T-Moble store and I don't want to let him down... My stomach is really cramped right now though; it's very painful. Just sitting here typing is hard, but I'm trying to ignore the pain.

Luke called me yesterday. Apparently he was in a car accident the other day. The story sounds a bit fishy, but I'll accept it for now. We might be hanging out on Monday.

Oh. I know who I forgot to mention that I worked with yesterday; Pat! Pat actually told me that his girlfriend, who I met when we went bowling over a week ago, keeps hinting to him that she'd love to go to Factory Night at Necto. I had told her about it, and Pat seemed amused by the idea, so I told him they should go, and to let me know when and I could go too, so I could try to get them free drinks - plus they'd know someone else.

Kyle Shack, who used to work with us, but left for school, came in to visit us this week. He was only there a few minutes on Thursday; but said he'd be back several time over the weekend, and that he'd see me on Friday, but I didn't. He's on Spring Break. He used to rave about The Departed, and I told him that when I'd heard it won Best Picture at the Oscars, that I had thought of him right away. It was really great to see him.

Speaking of the Oscars, which I refused to watch after the Brokeback Mountain debacle that was last year's crowning insult, continued to support my belief that the Oscars don't reflect shit anymore, as The Departed, a movie that was horribly edited on a scene for scene basis, won Best Editing? The movie is very good besides that annoying continuity flaw, and I don't begrudge the movie winning Best Picture or Director, but the editing award makes me think the voters didn't watch the movie in question! Plus the movie had some major homophoic things to say, so it was a no-brainer that it would win Best Picture. The only other surprise for me was that Pan's Labyrinth didn't win Best Foreign Film.

I stayed in last night and read the last 100 pages of Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets. Of course I read this book years ago, but it was interesting going back to it after so many years, in which I'd seen the film at least 4 times. Interesting to compare the two from a different persepective this time.

I had started reading the new Enterpise novel the day before, but now I could devote all my attention to it, and it's so very good that I'm stunned by what the authors have achieved, at least so far; I'm not quite 100 pages in. The book is a fantastic continuation of Enterprise Season 4. Taking the horrible finale of that show and turning it into something positive! I would never have believed it possible! It's currently following up on what I consider the final episodes of Enterprise ("Demons"/"Terra Prime"), and it's brought back storylines that were featured throughout the fourth season, with Orions, Andorians, Aenar, Vulcans & Romulans. So many 4th season episodes have been referenced, that I've started rewatching it, just to make sure I don't miss anything. In fact T'Pau, the Romulans Nijil, Valdore & Vrax, Shran & Jahamel have all returned, with TONS of continuity! They've even fit the 4 Andorian genders into the Enterprise storylines, which seemed to avoid them + they've incorporated some of the Andorian/Andor background from the Worlds of DS9 book, which seemed to be contradicted by Enterprise. I love it when this stuff all fits together and the authors are doing such a good job. This shouldn't be such a surprise, as I've loved all of their books...except their last Enterprise novel which was written as though they hadn't seen the season of Enterprise that it was based on. It looks like that was just a fluke though, and things are back to being better than it has any right to be. Ooh! The book features a future Jake & Nog as well! If this is the start of an Enterprise Relaunch as DS9, and to a lesser degree, Voyager have enjoyed, then the future of Enterprise is very bright indeed.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:04 PM
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Mark just freaked out again. I think he should go back on his anti-depressants. I was getting ready, so we could go take care of the phones today, and I said I wanted to stay for half hour so I could get the last episode of show I've been tracking down, which might not be there later, as other episodes I needed have disappeared in the last 24 hours, plus I wanted to shave. He was going to do something with my computer, but I didn't want to risk anything being screwed up, or having to reboot my computer as that would make everything take longer, and I had a ton of stuff open on my computer that I didn't want to lose; I've lost stuff like that before, and I'm very sensitive about it. I didn't raise my voice though; I didn't yet; I didn't threaten anything - I just wanted to leave a half hour later. That's all.

Mark said it would be dark in a half hour. He's had some health problems lately and said that he doesn't have any energy to go places after it gets dark. Though when he's out & about after dark this isn't a problem, which we talked about yesterday, and I figured if we were both getting ready to go (he wasn't ready yet either) that it wouldn't be a big deal. He said that he wouldn't be up to going in a half hour though, and so I suggested we just skip it today then. He said fine...

But then he decided that he would just shut off my phone; saying that if I had to pay for my phone maybe I'd keep up on the maintenance of the phone. But there's nothing seriously wrong with my phone. Mark's just hoping that I'll upgrade, which is possible, but I'm not in a rush to do so, as I love my phone. I even begged him earlier in the week, to not try to make me feel bad for hanging onto my old phone, when it's the best phone I've ever had, and it still works fine.

I called Mollie and told her I probably wouldn't be able to call her anymore, as Mark was shutting off my phone. She was upset, but hopes that Mark is just threatening to do it, but won't as he knows he'll regret it. She said she'd send her phone back if he shut mine off, but that it would be horrible not being able to talk to me. I'd be cut off from everyone.

I don't think he'll actually do it. He just knows that he has power over me here, and so uses it to hurt me when he's angry. My name is on the title of our current car, but he used to threaten me like this with the old one, saying that if I went anywhere when he was mad at me, that he'd call the police and report the car stolen.

Most of the time, Mark is really great, and then he just turns into this monster. It's really scary sometimes...but I've gotten better at not letting his petty outbursts upset me like they used to; I can't afford to. When I'm upset my stomach explodes and I'm sick for 3 days. I try to avoid arguments, and I try to not get overly emotional. I'm going to continue getting ready now; maybe when Mark gets back from the post office, he'll be calmer, and we can get the phones taken care of.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:11 PM
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