Saturday, March 3, 2007

Mark just freaked out again. I think he should go back on his anti-depressants. I was getting ready, so we could go take care of the phones today, and I said I wanted to stay for half hour so I could get the last episode of show I've been tracking down, which might not be there later, as other episodes I needed have disappeared in the last 24 hours, plus I wanted to shave. He was going to do something with my computer, but I didn't want to risk anything being screwed up, or having to reboot my computer as that would make everything take longer, and I had a ton of stuff open on my computer that I didn't want to lose; I've lost stuff like that before, and I'm very sensitive about it. I didn't raise my voice though; I didn't yet; I didn't threaten anything - I just wanted to leave a half hour later. That's all.

Mark said it would be dark in a half hour. He's had some health problems lately and said that he doesn't have any energy to go places after it gets dark. Though when he's out & about after dark this isn't a problem, which we talked about yesterday, and I figured if we were both getting ready to go (he wasn't ready yet either) that it wouldn't be a big deal. He said that he wouldn't be up to going in a half hour though, and so I suggested we just skip it today then. He said fine...

But then he decided that he would just shut off my phone; saying that if I had to pay for my phone maybe I'd keep up on the maintenance of the phone. But there's nothing seriously wrong with my phone. Mark's just hoping that I'll upgrade, which is possible, but I'm not in a rush to do so, as I love my phone. I even begged him earlier in the week, to not try to make me feel bad for hanging onto my old phone, when it's the best phone I've ever had, and it still works fine.

I called Mollie and told her I probably wouldn't be able to call her anymore, as Mark was shutting off my phone. She was upset, but hopes that Mark is just threatening to do it, but won't as he knows he'll regret it. She said she'd send her phone back if he shut mine off, but that it would be horrible not being able to talk to me. I'd be cut off from everyone.

I don't think he'll actually do it. He just knows that he has power over me here, and so uses it to hurt me when he's angry. My name is on the title of our current car, but he used to threaten me like this with the old one, saying that if I went anywhere when he was mad at me, that he'd call the police and report the car stolen.

Most of the time, Mark is really great, and then he just turns into this monster. It's really scary sometimes...but I've gotten better at not letting his petty outbursts upset me like they used to; I can't afford to. When I'm upset my stomach explodes and I'm sick for 3 days. I try to avoid arguments, and I try to not get overly emotional. I'm going to continue getting ready now; maybe when Mark gets back from the post office, he'll be calmer, and we can get the phones taken care of.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:11 PM
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