Thursday, October 1, 2009
My stomach is really bothering me right now. It doesn't feel like it usually feels when I'm having trouble and I'm not sure what's going on. :-0(
26 days until Battlestar Galactica: The Plan arrives.
6 months that I've known Michael, today.
Ugh. My stomach is really hurting. :-0(
posted by Bald Jason at 04:08 AM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
This feeling inside is overwhelming...I can't get comfortable...my stomach...my chest...I'm not sure what's happening...
posted by Bald Jason at 04:29 AM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
Friday, October 2, 2009
Just before 2 entries back I started getting this pain in my gut that was very acute and very different than anything I'd ever felt before. I assumed it was just a new symptom of my lovely stomach, but the pain began to spread to my chest and then I began to worry.
Between the previous 2 entries I took a bath to help calm my stomach and it worked for a few minutes. Shortly after the last entry I was writhing in pain on the floor, and started losing feeling in my face, hands and legs. I couldn't walk and had trouble breathing or speaking. I thought I was dying. I couldn't call out to Mark but I found the strength to throw a can of something or other at his door which he responded too. He asked what was wrong and tried to comfort me. He asked if I wanted him to call 911 and I said yes. I got my phone and tried call Michael, but just as he answered the pain hit me again and I lost him. After Mark called 911 we called my sister Janice. I told her what was happening and wanted her to tell everyone that I loved them. I kept thinking I needed to get ahold of Michael, and eventually Mark got him I think. I had such a hard time talking. And I didn't care that I was naked; Mark got me to put some shorts on at least.
The paramedics arrived; there were several; at least 3 and possibly 4. They said the tingling / numness in my face / body was because I was hyperventilating, and that if I breathed deep breaths that would change within 20 minutes. I tried to follow their instructions as they helped me downstairs and outside onto the stretcher. They gave me a blanket and the abulance was heated. I told them I wanted UofM Hospital and they took me in. I couldn't keep the breath exercises going because to do so made me hurt and the numness, though terrifying, was not painful. It took several hours, really about 10 before I lost those symptoms.
I've never felt that kind of pain before. I screamed and cried in agony. I begged for painkiller. They shot me up with morphine. It didn't help. They then tried something else, and that worked...for an hour. I had to keep getting refills. They ran tests. They shot X-Rays. They gave me an ultrasound. They found a kidney stone in my left kidney, but this wasn't what was hurting me. They said my heart-rate, blood pressure, liver / kidney enzymes, temperature were all normal. They said that though they weren't finding the hard evidence, that my story was a classic case of irritated gallbladder. They wanted me to consider having it removed. Mark was against this at first because he believed I wouldn't be able to eat fatty foods ever again, and because my diet (even though it's expanding everyday) is so limited, that this could end up killing me. I wanted it out. Thankfully a nurse(? a woman who was working there) named Holly was tipped off about my dillema and came and shared her story with me about her delaying the procedure caused her much excruciating pain, and that the operation was one of the best things that had happened to her; that her diet didn't change; that there was little scaring (she showed us her scars) and that she'd wished she'd done it sooner. She made believers of us. By us, I mean me, Mark & Michael, who had joined us at the hospital.
I was in line for the operation. I spoke to several doctors and care givers. I filled out a power of attourney. I spoke to several friends on the phone. I made sure everyone knew that I loved them. I think I went in for surgery around 4pm? About 12 hours after I first had the pain. I was prepped and put under.
When I woke up in the recovery room Michael and Mark were nowhere to be found. I was frightened and alone. There was a man there and it took me awhile to get his attention. I needed to piss but I needed privacy and he eventually got me to a bathroom. I couldn't go. Something was wrong. He wheeled my bed down to my room where my mother, my older sister Janice, and Mark were waiting. Again...Michael was gone. I asked where Michael was, feeling like a dick for not caring that others were there. Mark told me Michael went to our place the minute he heard the operation was a success. I put my head on Mark's shoulder and cried.
Janice and Mom couldn't stay long and I was ok with that. I was in so much pain. Michael returned later and I started feeling a bit better. I had pain in my belly and sides, and my upper right chest area, near my shoulder, which I didn't understand. I also had to pee frequently, which was difficult and painful. I later learned that I had a urinary tract infection. The pain in the shoulder is normal because when they go in to remove the gall bladder they have to move other stuff around, and stuff doesn't like it...plus air gets in there and causes discomfort. Michael left, with my permission, thought he was going to his home; not mine; otherwise I would have had him stay. While Michael was at our place watching Center Stage on the DVD player downstairs, Mark was holding me while I convulsed with a terrible case of hiccups which made me scream in pain. They gave me pain killer which didn't help. They later gave me muscle spasm drugs that didn't help. The night was long and painful. Somehow we made it through.
My operation was a complete success. I'm in a lot of pain, but I've been dealing with it in the proper ways. I've not settled into a bed and stayed there and I've been trying to do breathing exercises. These things help keep me from getting blood clots or pneumonia. I've started taking anti-biotics for the urinary tract infection (which runs 5 days - hopefully that will get cleared up fast. I've also taken Uristat & AZO pills for that pain, but they're not working. I've had some prilosec (which I missed doses of in the hospital). I've not had any painkiller since the hospital which is getting to be a terrible bother. The pharmacy at the hospital has my perscription and I'm hoping I can get them to release the drug to my grandparents or Mark - because I need those drugs, and I don't think I can bring myself to leave the condo. I'm not allowed to life anything up to the weight of a gallon of milk for 6 weeks. I have a followup appointment on my operation entry results / wounds / whatever on October 20.
My belly button is a HUGE bruise; that's where they took my gall bladder out. I have marks all over me. I'm trying to stay in good spirits, but it's hard when I can't get comfy without having to pee and want to die from the pain.
Michael was here when I got home around 11am, I think. We cuddled a very brief time. I slept briefly; waking for the toilet and the pain of moving at all. Michael left for work but is returning tonight to help Mark & I with the cleaning and stuff so I can rest.
Mark was a trooper through all this, but got no sleep, and was very cranky when he returned from the pharmacy with my antibiotics and AZO pills, refusing to listen to me and leaving a bucket in the hallway that I later tripped over - which hurt more than I can express; sudden unexpected movements are NOT what I need right now. Michael told me not to take his behavior personally; that he was just exhausted. I knew that he was right, but I was exhausted too, and in constant pain.
I slept for about 30 minutes I think. Mollie has left me a very nice voicemail; she's been through this before so she knows what I'm going through. My grandparents are coming to see me now. Friends have left messages on Facebook. Michael is at work. And all I can think about is the painkiller a few blocks away that I can't use - and how the pain throughout my body keeps growing.
posted by Bald Jason at 03:11 PM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
My grandparents came to visit. Mark & I had a little fight. I think with me being exhausted and in more pain than any other time in my life and him being exhausted and in some pain too, that we were just extra cranky. I'm in so much pain without painkiller that I actually cry from it. From my upper right shoulder down through my crotch is like one giant bruise (that's how it feels, not how it looks, though I have plenty of bruses too).
I called the hospital and they said Mark could get my drugs for me, and my grandparents drove him. I spoke on the phone with Mollie while they were gone; it's nice talking to someone who's been through this and understands how terrible it is. It's also nice to know that people survive this shit. I had to let Mollie go so I could pee (so painful). Bryan called. I started crying on the phone with him the pain was so bad, but thankfully Mark & the grandparents arrived just then and I let Bryan go.
My grandparents were gonna leave without saying goodbye to spare me the walk down the stairs but I made it down to them and gave LIGHT hugs and thanked them for their time and love. I was crying as I said this. The pain is unexpressable. Mark gave me the drugs and we apologized to each other for giving into our pain and being cruel to each other; we understood that we were both being stupid and we got over it. I took my pills (it said you could take 1 or 2 and I insisted on 2) - Mark half carried me up the stairs while I cried. I can't say enough about this pain...and it's probably going to get worse before it gets better.
Mark texted Jennifer on the phone to inform her of the changes in my condition, and to ask advice on drug interactions. I'm sitting at the computer until the painkiller kicks in; it's already started I think, but I don't think it's completely hit me. Then maybe I'll lay down, or try to eat again. If I could just get comfortable for a little while, I think that would do me a world of good.
posted by Bald Jason at 05:36 PM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
Oh. 1 good thing about today. I had a banana muffin at the hospital and it was sooooo good. I'd never had a muffin before, so even in all this nightmare I still found the time to try something new. ;-0)
I just tried to pee and nearly screamed from the pain. I wish I could fall asleep and wake up all better.
posted by Bald Jason at 05:44 PM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
With the painkiller (Oxycodone) the pain is bearable. It's not gone completely, but it's tolerable. Without the painkiller I want to cry everytime I move / breathe / pee / think.
I want to try some more muffins.
I need to go grocery shopping soon.
Every once in awhile...with the painkiller flooding my system I nearly fall asleep in place...whatver place I'm in. At the computer; on the toilet; on the stairwell.
At 10pm I'll take 1 more Oxycodone, 1 more Prilosec (for acid reflux) and 1 more Bactrim (the antibiotic series that I'm taking for until Tuesday - hopefully that means my UTI will be gone by then).
Mark is talking on the phone with his mom, Maria. I'm working on Michael's facebook farm. Any little thing to distract me from the pain.
posted by Bald Jason at 08:40 PM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Mark got me more muffins; I tried them all. I had banana nut muffens, pumpkin muffins, and this odd apple oaty variety thingy from Whole Foods. I liked them all. Go me! And a big thank you to Mark! He picked me up a few other things as well. He can be very thoughtful.
I slept for nearly an hour. That's progress. That's the longest I've slept since I was put under for surgery. My pain levels are managable for the moment. But that could change very quickly. Some moments I feel the exact same pain as another moment but react to it differently. There are times when I feel very good about my progress, as it's been only a very short time since this all started...and there are other moments where everything seems agonizingly slow...as it's only been a very short time since this all started. Either way, I've never felt more comforted by or justified in using pain medication outside of headaches. This stuff is keeping me alive until I don't need it anymore. Hopefully it lasts long enough to get me there; I have about enough for 6 more days I think. If I feel that I need more relief at that point I'll switch to something a little less addictive, like the acetaminophen with codeine Michael gave me ages ago. I knew it would come in handy someday. Thanks Michael.
Michael should be over fairly soon from now. It will be nice to see him, though I'm not sure how cuddling will go. Even if we were having more sex these days, I'm not allowed to have sex until at least the 20th, which given my condition isn't something I'm craving at the moment anyways...though I'd like to be in condition to crave it again ASAP.
My legs are getting a bit sore. I usually lay down (and sleep) far more often than I have in the last few days, but when I lay down I feel all my hurts and wounds and while I can't feel that in my sleep, I find it hard to drift off while laying down, and harder still to stay asleep. Though I've fallen asleep for quick moments while sitting up several times.
October 3. Tomorrow will be 13 years since I last slashed my wrists. It will also be 1 month since I last got FUCKED. Coincidence? I think not.
Battlestar Galactica: The Plan comes to DVD in 24 days.
I don't know if I've written about his here, but the final disc of my copy of BSG has an ugly scratch on it. I don't have my receipt from Amazon; at least I can't find it. I don't have the cash to buy a new one. It sucks. Not sure where it came from as I've let several people borrow it, but I'm extremely unthrilled about that.
The Sarah Jane Adventures returns in 12 days, and the whole Whoniverse returns with it! Series 3 features Sarah Jane, K9, The Judoon, The Trickster, the TARDIS, The Slitheen, and one of the final appearances of the 10th Doctor. The series has never reached the same heights as Doctor Who or Torchwood, but it's a nice distraction, and is doing it's part to keep the Whoniverse in our homes this year.
That sleeping while sitting up and typing just happened to me again. Is that healthy? I'll feel completely awake and then...I'll be waking up from a random thought. It's kind of surreal.
Oh. And I get to shower today for the first time since Wednesday evening. I'm just not sure I'll be getting as much pleasure as I normally do from such activity. Everything is so complex at the moment. Even the easy stuff.
posted by Bald Jason at 01:02 AM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
Michael joined me in the early hours of the morning. I kept up my food / exercise / medication intake. I uploaded a crazy number of pictures to Facebook. Eventaully I slept for about 3.5 hours; now that IS progress! It could be my imagination but I think it hurt slightly less to urinate, and I'm 2 hours behind on my pain pills so it's not that. Maybe I'm just getting used to it? Who knows. I need to take my next dose of anti-biotics / prilosec at 10am. I'm gonna take the pain pill now and move from there. I just need to remember to take the next one at 12:30pm.
Actually, since the antibiotics don't have to be every 12 hours I'll probably take my next one at 9am. I did have to urinate again after typing the above paragraph and I think I'm getting slightly better, but that I'm also getting used to how I need to get myself to pee without hurting myself in the process; at least not as much. Hopefully this all works out in the next few days.
I get to take a gentle shower today. I'll probably wait until tonight; just to make sure that my body can take it. I also think I might try drinking a Boost today, as Mark suggested. I need to get more food and sleep and exercise to help myself get better. I think I feel slightly better all around. Hope it lasts. Hope I improve even more. Wish me luck.
posted by Bald Jason at 08:44 AM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
I've stayed awake since the last entry, uploading pictures (mostly of Mark, Michael, Mollie, Carrie & me) to Facebook. I had sweatpants and socks on and randomly sat on my right foot as I often do. I just found that my sock was digging into my foot I think, and it burns like a mofo. I was worried it might be a blood clot or something, as I've never had one and wouldn't know, but Mark recommended time, and he's probably right. Michael put some lotion on it for me which burned even more but was also probably a good idea.
It so great having these guys here. I wish Michael lived here. I love sharing my bed with him, even when we aren't having sex. And even when we can't really cuddle for fear of hurting me.
posted by Bald Jason at 11:14 AM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
I slept a bit. Got up to take my pain pill. I'd like to sleep some more, but I need to aat something; keep my strength up.
posted by Bald Jason at 01:13 PM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
I took a shower. I made sure to follow the instructions I'd been given. I didn't scrub my wounds; just let the water and soap wash over them. I scrubbed other bits of me though. I forgot what it felt like to be clean. I also shaved. I put on my freshly laundered shorts (thank Michael) and I felt better. I did some exercises (legs and lungs). I ate. I had most of another banana nut muffin, some tofu (3 quarters of a link), a Boost and some water. I was worried I'd eat too much but I seem to have eaten just the right amount. I texted Mollie; I spoke to my mother on the phone so nobody would worry. I feel I'm improving. I feel more and more like my old self, though I'm not sure what kind of pain I'd be in without the painkiller. I'll know more on that in a day or two, when, if I feel up to it, I'll cut the dose back a little, which I seem to remember my doctor recommending? We'll see.
posted by Bald Jason at 02:36 PM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
I think I'm going to watch some Doctor Who later. Michael has only seen the first 6 episodes of new Who. And I've been jonesing for the Whoniverse lately. I saw a pretty good trailer for the new K9 series which is set to air in early 2010. I don't know if we'll get any new Torchwood adventures next year, but we'll have K9 & Doctor Who for sure, and it's been said they're already prepping Sarah Jane Adventures for a 4th Season if and when they get the call.
It's important to remember that this K9 is not the exact same K9 from The Sarah Jane Adventures, which is the K9 Mark IV. The K9 in this series is the original model, which hasn't been seen since the time of the 4th Doctor.
I saw some fun Sarah Jane promotional pictures today. Which reminds me that I also saw some prmotional work for Caprica. I should try to track those down.
When I sit still to type like this, I get very tired.
posted by Bald Jason at 03:57 PM
[Karma: 0 (+/-)] [Comments Welcome Here]
