Sunday, January 24, 2010

Watched the first 1.5 episodes of Season 3 of LOST last night. Later spoke to Michael through texts and then on phone. He invited me over for sex, but I turned him down. It's not that I don't want to; it's that I don't think it's the smart thing to do. He told me I could come over anytime I wanted if I changed my mind that night. I slept for about 6 hours.

I woke up around 8am. I eventually decided I would visit Michael, though I felt weird knowing that he'd be hooking up with Joseph tomorrow, and that he'd had Phil go down on him in his bedroom already. Weird because the whole point of that apartment was that it was just going to have a Jason / Michael sexual history. I was really getting upset about all that and then on the way there I just let it all go. The apartment doesn't matter; it's just a place. Our sexual health is important, but our sexual history and partners (at least now that we're not a couple) aren't important. What matters is that we be honest with each other and treat each other with respect.

It was great to see him again. We cuddled and laughed (there was some nakedness and sexual relaxation, but nothing that felt like I was crossing any lines that I'd set for myself) and we spoke of our feelings and we agree this is a necessary step on our path, wherever it's going. And for the first time since we broke up, though I was being held in his arms, I felt single. I felt ok about being single because I felt that I wasn't going to lose him. And that freed me from a lot of the worry and sadness of the last few days. This breakup, be it forever or not, is a GOOD THING. I just have to make sure I take advantage of this time to sort out my own shit, and pray that Michael does the same.

I came home and ate. I had some apple slices, which I thought would be ok with my jaw, but my jaw is super worn out now. :-(

I'm very tired and think I might take a nap. I have to harvest my farmtown around 4:30 I think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:50 PM
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Did some Farm Town stuff. Tried to take a nap but it didn't work. Stroked off a few times. I'm bored and I have no energy. No clue why. I ate well. I did take 1 of my pills so that could be why. And I didn't get enough sleep last night...so why can't I sleep?

Listening to all my music on random. Very interesting mix. Ugh.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:17 PM
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   Friday, January 29, 2010

Whoa. How did this week go by so fast.

I saw Michael on Monday. He came over and we talked. He had wanted a massage and I'd told him I'd give him one and I did. A really good massage. It actually felt good to be doing that. And we cuddled and talked and I felt single, but loved, which is what I am. He didn't stay the night though, because he had to work the next day, which was fine. I had a great day. The only problem I had was I picked up a headache that day, which came and went for the next several days. BLAH!

Tuesday. I watched 3 episodes of Smallville. I've not watched more episodes of LOST as I'm trying to slow myself down so I won't have to wait for the series finale. I'm still 3 episodes behind on Smallville and new episodes begin airing tonight. There's also a new episode of Caprica, Spartacus, and the finale of Dollhouse to look forward to. :-0)

Wednesday I saw Michael again; going to his place to talk some sense into him (after a bad fight on the phone). We had sex that day (with a condom), and we both admitted we were starting to feel like a couple again, even though we're not. This scares me because if he hooks up with someone now, it will hurt me. But I'm trying to prepare myself for that outcome. For his part he says he's not looking and that if he does want to hookup he'll talk to me about it first. We'll see how this plays out.

I've been chatting online this week. Been making friends. I did feel sinlge for a few days there... I want to get back to that actually. That way I won't be hurt, but I can still love Michael and care about what happens to him, and hope things work out.

I was ill on Thursday. I'd forgotten to take some of my meds the previous day and I was dealing with the outcome of that. I also tried (but failed) to get some more pictures of my collage, which I've been working on again. I've been working on my farm again this week. And late on Thursday, Mark took some photographs of me; the first new ones since November 09.

Oh. I've heard more rumblings about River Song appearing in the finale to next season's Who (and updated my older entry accordingly); I need to just set up a page for this stuff. It's so interesting how we've seen the last meeting between those characters, and we're about to get to know them better in the new season! I'm really excited to see that relationship develope!

I slept well last night.

I started reading the 2nd Abarat book today. Abarat: Days of Magic, Nights of War

I spoke to Michael yesterday on the phone and online. Probably talk to him later. He might be coming over LATE tonight to watch 1x02 of Caprica ("Rebirth"). I'm excited to see it myself, but most excited to see the finale of Dollhouse.

Oh. And Caprica is definitely gay inclusive. And not just because of those lesbian scenes in the pilot! Yay! I love my LGBT BSG Universe! :-0)

Probably going to DJ's around 6pm for a game night. I can also take a present for Bryan / Chris. Maybe I'll get crazybread on the way there.

I should eat something.

My farm should be ready to harvest in about 1.5 hours?

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:52 PM
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   Saturday, January 30, 2010

After the last entry, I harvested my farm and planted again. I ate, but Mark told me this sort of upsetting story (with a happy ending) and my stomach was upset the rest of the night. We did go to DJ's and played the expanded Outbreak with Bryan, Chris, and Chris's friends (who's names are escaping me at the moment). Bryan has seen all but the final 20 minutes or so of BSG & Chris is starting the final 11 installments or so on Sunday. Both said they didn't think much of Caprica, which is weird, because they both borrowed my copy back in like May and both enjoyed it then - and they've not seen it again since then. I think they've just forgotten what they enjoyed about it, which is understandable.

It was great to see everyone but I was way tired and so we left. We went to Meijer and then LC. Came home and ate. Downloaded new episodes, though 2 of my shows weren't availalbe yet (and still aren't!); Spartacus and Dollhouse. :-0(

I talked to Michael on his way home from work last night (after harvesting and planting again) and then went to sleep.

I slept pretty well. I watched the new Caprica today which I think is really interesting. It's very much it's own show, and yet it's very clearly tied into Battlestar Galactica, which is a difficult line to walk I'd guess, but they're pulling it off extremely well at this early stage. Also, the show is extremely gay friendly, which I'm loving... the ties to BSG are really important (and smart) IMO, because if the season proves to be the only season of the show, it's perfectly set up that people can then transition into Battlestar Galactica. It's really very classy.

Mark is getting ready to go visit his dad, so I'll be on my own today.

Michael has to work; he closes today and tomorrow, but might be up for a visit Sunday night, as he doesn't have to work on Monday. Not sure exactly what he and I are right now. It's confusing.

Really hoping I can see the finale to Dollhouse sometime today.

I need to eat and get some stuff done.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:21 PM
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I ate. Mark left. Talked to Michael on his way to work. He'll hopefully have a new roomie soon, and his furnature in February. We talked about us some more. We don't feel single. He says he doesn't feel single at all, but that this separation is more about us working on issues than us being single, which is true in a sense. He needs to reduce stress in his life. He needs to get help so that the cheating and lying stops. I have to get back to where I was last summer with the eating even if my jaw is messed up. I need to be happier, which may involve some radical choices for me. There's school. There's church. There are things that I'm considering that I've not considered in many, many years. But it has to be balanced with what's practical. Mark & I are going to start working out Monday - or that's the plan. :-0)

I need to reboot my computer and install some updates.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:08 PM
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I did the farm thing. I took some pictures, which I don't think are that impressive. I read a bunch of reviews of Caprica and apparently I'm not the only one who's enjoying it as many people seemed to like the 2nd episode better than the 1st, though I also read that some people had some minor problems with the show, which I share actually. None of these problems feel like they will drown out the awesome aspects of the series, which I'm aching to continue with. It's my current favorite series.

I'm really tired. Might take a nap.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:01 PM
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