Sunday, September 5, 2010

I did go for a walk yesterday after Mark's parents arrived but it was SO chilly that my jaw started aching. I almost turned around and headed home then changed my mind. I texted Tom and he warned me the bars / food places were jammed with game day peeps (UofM's first football game of the season) so instead of heading downtown I headed in this big circle that brought me back home relatively quickly, but made me feel good about having gotten a bit of light exercise, which is all I need sometimes.

When I got back to the condo, I warmed up and got over the effects of the cold (the pain)...then joined Mark & his parents for 2 games of euchre - each player winning once, then some card tricks, conversation, and they went home; it was nice to see them. I also talked on the phone with Michael while they were there (he's good and we might hang out Monday night) and also traded texts with Shawn Walker.

I chatted online for a long time, with old, dear friends like Mollie & Monty Vaughn...and chatted with new guys too, who for once, were really cool. I chatted late into the night, waiting for a call from Shawn saying he was going to Aut Bar but figured he'd fallen asleep...only I got a delayed text that let me know he'd gone over 2 hours previously (at 10pm). It was nearly 1am when I left for the bar. I ran into lots of people I knew (Terry, Jared, Ryan, bartender Michael). Shawn was there with his friend Steve; good to see him again; Shawn was TRASHED. Jared tried to kiss / fondle me. I also said hello to this guy who I didn't remember but had talked to last year - his name is Brian and he's moving to Ypsi on Wednesday to go to school at EMU - he's cute and he remembered our conversation from the previous year and how Michael had been with me at the time and that he hadn't spoken. I think I made an ass of myself, but that's fine.

After Aut...or after Shawn interrupted me talking to Brian to say that he & Steve were leaving and that if I wanted to go with them I had to go right then...we walked to NYPD; I was cold but at least had my leather jacket / hat on; the other two weren't so lucky. When we got there, Steve went in while I waited for Shawn to finish a cigarette...we were standing very close and talking intently, and he was leaning on me for warmth and support and this car stopped and a guy shouted out the window for us to kiss and that it would be cute - so we did. It was funny. Only in Ann Arbor. :)

The pizza there always looks gross. Ick. But the company was good. Lots of fun conversation. We then walked Steve (who just moved into a new place on Lawrence) home. Then we walked hand in hand back to Aut Bar where we talked for another hour I think. I still like him. He still likes me. And it's both wonderful and terrible. After a while we sat in my car cause it was cold but when I started the car I was reminded that the gas light had come on when I was on my way to the bar so I took him with me to get gas. He left shortly after we got back to Aut.

I was very tired. But when I got home I just couldn't sleep and stayed up for nearly 4 more hours. Going to bed around 8am. I slept until just after 2pm. Slept well. Got up. Did Farmtown and wrote this.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:58 PM
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Talked to Michael for a bit earlier; he's chiling at home tonight; probably see him tomorrow evening. Mark & I are going to get water tomorrow. Not doing much today at all, and I'm ok with that. Traded some texts with Shawn; he's watching the tv discs I made for him.

The only annoyance of the day is that my Farm Town isn't loading. And...as annoyances go...that's pretty small.

I had a massive shake with toast and managed to keep it down. So far. Go me. It was YUMMY.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:23 PM
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   Monday, September 6, 2010

So...Mark had a talk with me last night and our money troubles appear to be reaching the crisis point. He spoke about cutting so many things from our budget...like phones, internet - possibly even selling the condo and moving to an apartment...it's all so sad. I love it here. I love my room. It really feels like my home and I don't want to lose that. I need to see about getting on disability for my gastro paresis; even when it's going well, part of that is me sitting still and not stressing AT ALL, so as much as I want to have a job...I'm not sure I can do it. It's hard enough to find ANY job, let alone one that's understanding of my condition. :0(

I'm trying very hard not to be depressed about this.

A year ago tomorrow - (which was a Monday last year) - I found out the truth about Michael. Tonight I'll be hanging out with him as friends. Strange how this all works.

I thought the season finale of True Blood was on last night - but it's next week. Ugh. 2 weeks of waiting before we see the finale, which will undoubtedly have a cliffhanger ending. lol

I just shaved and showered. I chatted most of the night and didn't get to bed until around 10am. I feel stressed. The money stuff is stressing me. Ugh. I slept for about 5 hours, in Mark's bed.

I'm gonna get ready and head to Michael's so I'll hopefully be there when he gets home. Just chill with him and try to relax. Take a book or two. And I'm taking a xanax right now. I need to chill the fuck out.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:46 PM
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   Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Went to Michael's last night, around 4pm. Was there waiting when he got home. Had a really good time. We ate and watched Ally McBeal (which I brought with me); ended up watching like 5 episodes, then went to bed. Slept really well. Woke up to a text from Shawn around 5am. Back to sleep and got up at 9am or so. Showered. Fucked. Watched more Ally. Tried to read. Took another nap. It was gorgeous outside and I didn't want to miss the chance for a walk so I headed home around 4pm. Home now. Mark & I will be heading out for a walk soon.

I missed a dose of prilosec when I was there, but even before that I was throwing up. I'm starting to wonder if things will ever get better in that regard. :-0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:30 PM
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Had a great walk with Mark. We walked across campus to South University. We stopped at Ulrich's to see if Chris Varney was working but she was off. We went to PNC Bank for some business. We met Tom Crawford over on State Street, went to clothing store and then Starbucks where I tried something new and flirted with a hot older guy. Later we parted company, with Tom heading home while Mark & I went to Borders. Saw lots of books I'd like to read. TRYING to get back into reading. I'd very much like to read "A Lion Among Men" but have yet to find it in mass market paperback...there's a Velgarth book I've yet to read...and there are SO MANY Charles De Lint books I've never read! I feel so behind! Plus I'm trying to catch up on Trek again. lol. I might get some reading done tonight, I'm not sure.

Also on the walk (which Mark & I both enjoyed) I traded texts with Shawn and later Michael who said he was sorry that he hadn't joined us and suggested that we might be able to do it tomorrow night. Sounds cool.

I've not had much to eat today. I'm gonna try this egg / cheese thing that will be smaller than the omelettes that I've been eating, and will (hopefully) be less trouble for my stomach as SMALL portions of food are the only way to go lately.

I have some slight pain in my lower back...which may be my kidney; hoping it's not a stone on the move again.

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:36 PM
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   Thursday, September 9, 2010

Shortly after the last entry our power went out. Don't know why. Wind? The whole block was out. Mark & I huddled in the dark; tried to sleep. I started reading a different Trek book: A Singular Destiny. It's one of a series of books I'll need to read before the new DS9 themed books coming out soon. At around 4am, Wedneday, we packed up our frozen stuff and took it to Michael's; he was at work but gave us permission. We then went to Benny's for FRESH Perfectionate doughnuts. YUM. Then Meijer for some random stuff. Back to Michael's where we slept. Woke just before Michael got home from work. We watched some Ally. Later we headed home while Michael slept. We got the internet running. I spoke to Shawn on the phone, and later Michael (after I'd taken a nap). Been up for about 7 hours, hungry, having eaten nothing, for no good reason.

Looks like SOME of our money troubles might be retreating for a bit. Some unemployment money, Bitserve scratchings, and a loan from Mark's father are saving the day.

THANK YOU.

I miss Mollie.

And I want to read 'A Lion Among Men', which is coming out in paperback at the end of the month (finally).

I have 6.5 episodes of Six Feet Under left to watch...I think.

I'm going to make a shake and watch Monday night's 'The Closer', I think.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:32 AM
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Had my shake. Watched the new Closer episode. I feel oddly stressed again. Like I can't relax. I've felt this on many other days before...just getting better at expressing it. :-0(

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:08 AM
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Slept. After Michael hit on Tom. Asking him if he wanted to meet discretely. Tom is proving exceptionally loyal; I think he's restoring my faith that there are SOME good men, even while others prove themselves to be assholes.

I might go on a date tomorrow with a guy named Jason. He's cute.

There's also a guy named Matthew that I'm pretty sure I've met before who is talking about going for coffee on Sunday. Mmmm. Coffee. :)

   posted by Bald Jason at 08:16 PM
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   Saturday, September 11, 2010

Slept well on Friday. Didn't end up going out with Jason, though we're talking about going out some other time.

I spoke to Michael on the phone briefly.

I chatted online.

I spoke to Mollie. :-0)

I spent some time with Mark.

I mostly stayed at the computer.

But I made sure to take my meds on time and I ate several meals; I'd been skipping meals lately because my stomach was so upset, but I made sure I ate several times, and different things.

I stayed in Friday night, intending to read my book, but ended up glued to the computer again...reading BSG info and listening to the soundtrack music...nostalgic for the series. Now looking forward to the upcoming Caprica episodes.

I have a headache. Gonna go to bed soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:56 AM
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Still awake. It's raining so Mark will be using the car. Michael wants me to come over later and cuddle. It's possible. But I need to get some sleep now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:35 PM
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Slept for 2 hours. Woke up feeling stressed. Thankfully Michael later texted and cancelled. It sounds like he's feeling much the same way I am. I took a xanax. I NEED to chill. I feel exhausted. I need to chill. I wish I had some epsom salts for a bath but don't have the energy (from lack of sleep / drugs) to go get any. Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:34 PM
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Slept some more. Woke up in pain. My throat hurts. My ass is on fire. Mark got me some epsom salts so I took a nice bath. I'm having a horrible time getting comfortable / relaxing. This is a day that started out bad and got worse as it went along.

I think I may have forgotten to mention that another friend betrayed me for sex this morning. I'm sure that's where a lot of this is coming from. It's so hard to trust men these days...it's just that with the tools at my command now they're revealed as liars and backstabbers before they actually cheat on me. Blah. If I could just sleep for the next month I'd be happy with that.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:23 PM
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