Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I stayed in Friday night.

Saturday my stomach was VERY upset. I spent most of the night puking. I had a standing ivite to Michael's though, and he assured me I could come over at any point as he'd be completely alone and we could cuddle. When I walked into his place a bit after 2am I walked in on him fucking this guy (Dave). It was shocking and humiliating, plus a whole bunch of other emotions as Dave was the guy Michael had fucked the morning I learned that he was cheating on me. Dave was also the first guy to confirm that Michael was cheating, while Michael was still denying it. Dave is actually much hotter in person than online, with a very sexy voice. He left. I stayed. Michael showered and got ready for work. I didn't get any cuddles. I came home zoned out on Xanax, wanting to cry...tempted to die...and very, very unhappy.

Later that day (Sunday) after sleeping, I got online and sent Dave an apology for the situation, giving him my side. He said that since I'd seen him naked, and I was cute and nice that we should fuck. Not the response I was expecting, but flattering none the less. I gave him my contact info and suggested we hang out instead but I don't think he'll respond to that. Michael has told me in the past that he's not interested in anything more than sex, which means he probably has a boyfriend or a girlfriend or something. Whatever. lol.

I also patched things up with Sean, who was the first guy who told me that Michael was cheating before I confronted him. Sean & Michael will be working together the first 2 weeks of November. During those 2 weeks, Michael will be living with me & Mark. How fucked up is that? lol

Paula cancelled the planned on euchre game as she woke up with a Migrain. I was ok with this as I was so depressed, yet hadn't wanted to cancel for Mark's enjoyment of the game.

My stomach continued to bother me on Sunday & Monday. I'm very, very unhappy about this and I'm considering talking to my doctor about that surgery to see if it can help me. I hate that I fear food, even as I crave it. I hate that I've lost 15 pounds; not because I'm drastically thinner, but because the way things are going I might not be able to gain weight and that could be a major problem. Ugh.

Last night, Michael hooked up with some guy for a blowjob and I decided I need to stop caring about him. I was thinking about him in boyfriend terms again. I know it's because I've been spending so much time with him, but I've felt the need to do so because sometime next week he'll be moving and not only will I see him less often (aside from those two weeks in November), I'll also lose that apartment of his which is filled with MOSTLY good memories. :-0(

I shaved off the beard I was growing last night. I did all of my laundry (the last load is in the washer right now). I cleaned my room. I read another chapter of WICKED which is really much better the 2nd time, though very slow going. I chatted online. I considered going to Necto but my stomach wouldn't let me. I also got VERY HORNY last night and considered hooking up but in the end that's not really my style.

I'll be spending some time with Michael today & tomorrow. I have a tentative date with Felix on Thursday. Friday I might hang out with this guy Caleb, who I made out with years ago. We'll see.

I should be sleeping right now but again, my stomach won't let me. I just took a prilosec AND a reglan to see if I can get some stuff to stay down. If so I may sleep soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:36 AM
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After the last entry I continued to be ill and unable to lay down to sleep. I eventually got to bed around 9am I think, but before then I spoke to Mark about him driving himself to his appointments today based on how I was feeling; he was kind and understanding, which was a relief. Then he woke me up at noon asking me to drive him to just the one appointment, which I did do, though I'm worried that having had so little sleep will set my stomach off again. I'm hanging by a thread here. But maybe being awake is a good thing? I don't know. I'm so zoned out right now I don't know up from down.

I love you Mark.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:39 PM
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I've been ready to go to Michael's for a couple hours now, but he's not answering his phone. I think he may have had a phone confrence today so that could be why. Or he could have fallen asleep.

Actually, my stomach is a little upset now so maybe it's fine that he hasn't answered.

Blah.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:58 PM
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   Friday, October 22, 2010

So...on from the last entry, Tuesday night Michael called me a few hours later; he'd fallen asleep thinking that I didn't need him to pick me up since I had the car, but he'd offered to pick me up in the first place so Mark could have the car. lol. Wacky. He came and got me. I was sick that night; I just couldn't keep anything down, even something small. We watched Ally and slept; the cuddling was nice. I gave him a handjob.

Wednesday Michael had to go to a meeting. I slept more. Mark joined us around 2:30pm and then we went to Wiards Orchard. I was still ill so couldn't eat the doughnuts or drink the cider. It was strange being there after something like 18 years...same stuff but looking different. So strange. We drove back to Michael's and then home to help Michael with some banking stuff, then Michael brough me back to his place. I was supposed to stay the night again but I came home (after giving him another good time, in which he confessed that he'd fucked a boy Monday night) because my body was freaking out and I needed to relax and concentrate on me instead of anyone else. And that's what I did.

I slept pretty well Wednesday night, after eating (with my Reglan pill) and keeping the food down. I managed to keep all my food down on Thursday - a huge improvement over the last 5 days or so. I took a relaxing bath. I spoke to Michael on the phone and organized pictures online, uploading plenty to Facebook, and then a few new ones to Manhunt & Gay Dot Com. I chatted. I talked to Felix about visiting him this weekend. I watch SVU (12x06) & AbFab. I wish I could forget all the ABFAB lines when I watch it so it would be like new again!

I'm tired. I tried to sleep earlier but the thought of sleeping alone...it was really bothering me. I tried laying down with Mark but he wasn't cuddling and I couldn't sleep so I came back to my room. I eventually ate more and kept that down too.

I should sleep.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:45 AM
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   Saturday, October 23, 2010

I did eventually sleep after the last entry, after reading another chapter of Wicked. That's 3 I've read. I read so fucking slowly lately. Ugh. Anyways, got up around 4pm I think, took my prilosec and later went to a gallery opening with Carrie & Mark. Got a coffee drink. Even later I went to Aut Bar briefly to see Shawn Walker who is moving further away so I'm unlikely to see him as often. Ran into Rusty Parker who I friended on Facebook.

I've been eating the Morningstar Farms Chik'n Nuggets, which I'm LOVING. All the great taste of chicken with out the gross 'I'm eating a dead animal' guilt - plus it doesn't bother my stomach when I take my reglan, which I'm still taking...because 3 days of keeping my food down is heavenly.

I watched Caprica this morning. Very nice. I later heard that the BSG web series they were planning on making has been upgraded to a tv movie / tv series pilot!!! Awesome news!!! It won't air until late 2011 or early 2012 but it's still exciting.

I'm pretty sure I'm hanging with Felix later, and then cuddling with Michael in what will more-than-likely be the last night spent cuddling in that bed in that place. He's moving on Tuesday I think. He'll be living with his grandmother but will come stay with Mark & I for the first 2 weeks of November.

Oh. I got a call from Matthew, who's back in town! But he has a horrible head cold. Sad. I wanted to see him so bad but I tend to pick up colds so I don't want to be around him. :( Sad.

   posted by Bald Jason at 09:25 PM
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