Sunday, July 10, 2011

So...I've managed to be stress free for the entire weekend
so far. I feel good. I feel like myself. Having said that, the
dose of my meds doubles Sunday night, but I'm not that
worried about it.

I got to see the new Torchwood friday night. I liked it. I
didn't love it, though that might change in time. I was just
in an odd mood when I was watching it and it's just the
introdution to the season so I already knew a LOT of what
was coming. I've tried to remain mostly spoiler free for
Torchwood but just from press blurbs I knew the majority
of what was going to happen in episode 1, so I was
slightly underwhelmed, yet it's very nice to have
Torchwood back. Apparently there are different cuts for
the United States and the United Kingdom; if they don't
release a complete version I may have to do it myself the
way I am with BSG.

Speaking of BSG, I finished my cut of "The Face of the
Enemy" and then I fixed the flaw in "Daybreak, Part II -
which is converting as I type this. That gives me 27
completed installments out of 98. The 98 number might
increase if I end up splitting either of the BSG movies into
2 parts...or if the upcoming "Blood & Chrome" goes to
series. But for now, the number stands at 98 and these are
the installments I have finished:

01 Caprica 1x01 Pilot
02 Caprica 1x02 Rebirth
03 Caprica 1x03 Reins of a Waterfall
04 Caprica 1x04 Gravedancing
05 Caprica 1x05 There is Another Sky
12 Caprica 1x12 Things We Lock Away
13 Caprica 1x13 False Labor
14 Caprica 1x14 Blowback
15 Caprica 1x15 The Dirteaters
16 Caprica 1x16 The Heavens Will Rise
17 Caprica 1x17 Here Be Dragons
18 Caprica 1x18 Apotheosis (Series Finale)
20 Battlestar Galactica, Part I
21 Battlestar Galactica, Part II
22 BSG 1x01 33
23 BSG 1x02 Water
24 BSG 1x03 Bastille Day
35 BSG 2x01 Scattered
44 BSG 2x10 Pegasus
52 BSG 2x18 Downloaded
87 BSG 4x11 Sometimes a Great Notion
88 BSG The Face of the Enemey
89 BSG 4x12 A Disquiet Follows My Soul
92 BSG 4x15 No Exit
95 BSG 4x17 Someone to Watch Over Me
96 BSG 4x18 Islanded in a Stream of Stars
97 BSG 4x19 Daybreak, Part I

I've also figured out more of Season 32 of the Whoniverse.
It won't be a sure thing until the end of the year, but of
the 74 known installments I'm certain of the first 32 and
pretty sure about all those that follow. Here's the tentative
list:

Season 32:
01 DW 5x01 The Eleventh Hour [3]
02 DW Mini Meanwhile in the TARIDS 1 [4]
03 DW 5x02 The Beast Below [5]
04 DW 5x03 Victory of the Daleks [6]
05 SJ 3x11 The Gift 1
06 SJ 3x12 The Gift 2
07 SJ 3x07 Eternity Trap 1
08 SJ 3x08 Eternity Trap 2
09 DW 5x04 Time of Angels [1]
10 DW 5x05 Flesh & Stone [2]
11 DW Mini Meanwhile in the TARDIS 2 [3]
12 DW 5x06 Vampires of Venice [4]
13 SJ 4x01 Nightmare Man 1
14 SJ 4x02 Nightmare Man 2
15 DW 5x07 Amy's Choice
16 SJ 4x03 Vault of Secrets 1
17 SJ 4x04 Vault of Secrets 2
18 DW 5x08 The Hungry Earth [1]
19 DW 5x09 Cold Blood [2]
20 SJ Sarah Jane's Alien Files 1
21 DW 5x10 Vincent & the Doctor
22 SJ Sarah Jane's Alien Files 2
23 DW 5x11 The Lodger
24 SJ Sarah Jane's Alien Files 3
25 DW 5x12 Pandorica Opens [1]
26 DW 5x13 Big Bang [2]
27 SJ Sarah Jane's Alien Files 4
28 DW Special: A Christmas Carol
29 SJ 4x05 Death of the Doctor 1
30 SJ 4x06 Death of the Doctor 2
31 DW Mini Space [1]
32 DW Mini Time [2]

Guessing:

33 TW 4x01 The New World [1]
34 TW 4x02 Rendition [2]
35 TW 4x03 Dead of Night [3]
36 TW 4x04 Escape to L.A. [4]
37 TW 4x05 Categories of Life [5]
38 TW 4x06 Middle Men [6]
39 TW 4x07 Immortal Sins [7]
40 TW 4x08 End of the Road [8]
41 TW 4x09 Gathering [9]
42 TW 4x10 Blood Line [10]
43 TW Motion Comic: Web of Lies [11]
44 DW Mini Prequel 1 [1]
45 DW 6x01 The Impossible Astronaut [2]
46 DW 6x02 Day of the Moon [3]
47 SJA 4x07 Empty Planet 1
48 SJA 4x08 Empty Planet 2
49 DW Mini Prequel 02 [1]
50 DW 6x03 Curse of the Black Spot [2]
51 SJ Sarah Jane's Alien Files 5
52 DW 6x04 Doctor's Wife
53 SJ Sarah Jane's Alien Files 6
54 DW 6x05 Rebel Flesh [1]
55 DW 6x06 Almost People [2]
56 DW Mini Prequel 03 [3]
57 DW 6x07 Good Man Goes To War [4]
58 DW 6x08 Let's Kill Hitler [5]
59 SJA 4x09 Lost in Time 1
60 SJA 4x10 Lost in Time 2
61 DW 6x09 Night Terrors
62 SJA 4x11 Goodbye, Sarah Jane Smith 1
63 SJA 4x12 Goodbye, Sarah Jane Smith 2
64 DW 6x10 ???
65 SJA 5x01 Sky 1
66 SJA 5x02 Sky 2
67 DW 6x11 God Complex
68 SJA 5x03 Curse of Clyde Langer 1
69 SJA 5x04 Curse of Clyde Langer 2
70 DW 6x12 ??? [1]
71 DW 6x13 ??? [2]
72 DW Special ??? [3]
73 SJA 5x05 Man Who Wasn't There 1
74 SJA 5x06 Man Who Wasn't There 2 [finale]

I'm trying to decide if I'll sleep tonight so I can be up for
daylight activities or if I'm going to muddle through and
keep getting stuff done. I might take a nap and
compromise.

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:01 AM
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Oh. I've also managed to keep almost all my food down this
weekend! Like...maybe less than a cup was lost. I know,
that's gross, but for me, that's like the closest I've come to
normal in ages. I don't think it's my meds...well, maybe
they've helped a bit...I've just managed to stay in and relax
and not worry or stress too much about anything. I'd like to
get out and get some exercise this week. I'm still eating too
much sweet stuff - it's not that I have it every day, but when I
do I eat a TON of it. I need to force myself to eat less of the
sugary stuff. I SO WISH I could still eat salad!!! I loved
salad...but it comes up so easily and now and what doesn't
could potentially kill me. :( I hate this. But I'm not gonna
whine about it tonight. I'm just gonna chill.

I'm drinking some tea. It's unsweetened and I have lots and
lots of different teas taht I'm always hoping to try or get in
the habbit of drinking only I never do. So I'm giving it a shot.
If I could just have tea every once in while throughout the
week instead of Silk or Chai Tea I bet that would cut down on
my sugar intake a lot. And probably save me some money
too. It's a thought at least.

I cleaned my room up. Did the dishes. Scrubbed the kitchen.
Made my bed. Doing some laundry now.

   posted by Bald Jason at 04:34 AM
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Ugh. So much for not throwing up. Thing about tea...it's
mostly water. When I drink a lot of water...it comes back up
and brings everything else along with hit. Blah. Still, Friday &
Saturday were good. I was hoping to have been in bed by
now but everytime I lay down I have to hurl again.

I have "Jenny I Read" by Concrete Blonde stuck in my
head...and I wish I had some Poppy Z Brite handy to read but
she's all boxed away. :(

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:41 AM
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Looks like Mark's not coming home today afterall. I just
assumed this would be the case but I'd have liked to have
been wrong. He said he'd see me Sunday...and I'm supposed
to up my dose of my meds tonight. Oh well.

I forgot to mention that the shrinks that my doctor
recommended I see aren't covered by my insurance so I'm
seeking help elsewhere...but I'm worried that whomever I find
won't have the experience needed to deal with my particular
problems.

I was having such a good weekend until this morning.

And I have a headache.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:28 AM
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   Thursday, July 14, 2011

This week has been difficult. My medication was doubled. I've
slept a lot and had strange, yet wonderful dreams. I had a
really interesting conversation with this guy Matthew that I
know; I actually went out with him a few times last fall. I also
managed to connect with Mark in way that has been
extremely rare of late; I only ever see Mark in passing in the
morning, and sometimes in the evenings on Monday,
Tuesday & Thursday. Any other time he's with Gen, and when
he's not with her, they're often on the phone and I try not to
intrude. It's left me feeling very lonely, but Mark has set aside
some time to be with me on Sunday and he wants that to be
Our Day.

Matt Alber has a new album in the works. I've been listening
to Diamond Rings & Lesley Gore.

I'm crying right now and I don't know why.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:28 AM
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   Saturday, July 16, 2011

I have this odd sensation that the world is crashing down
on me. That I'm being crushed by all that is happening
around me and that I have no control. I have dark visions.
And the only way I survive it are the few encounters I have
with others...and the few distractions that I'm allowed. I
can't read. I've tried. I don't know if it's the drugs or what
but I can't concentrate on a book long enough to be
sucked away into it's storyline long enough to forget my
own. I watched a movie the other day ("Hannah") which
was enjoyable. I managed to get 3 more Caprica episodes
edited and converted, which leaves only 3 more of those. I
watched the new Torchwood, which I enjoyed a lot more
than the first installment; the current season is both
darker and lighter than previous seasons. "Children of
Earth" felt more intense I think, but it was 5 big episodes
in one week and I think that helped the intensity of it...it's
too soon to know how the remaining 8 episodes (9 if you
include the side-story motion comic) will affect the story
but I'm looking forward to it.

I'll probably work on more Caprica today; it would be nice
to be finished with this segment of BSG. Not because I
want it to be over, but because I could then recommend it
to my friends. I'll probably sleep a bit more. Maybe chat?
Mark will be home tomorrow. I need Mark time. Probably
more than he knows. His girlfriend is bothered by this,
and I feel bad about that, yet I feel like I'm drowning and if
I don't ask for help then what? And it's only 1 day a week
I'm asking for. I don't get to go out on Fridays
anymore...and I feel cut off. A boy I went out with a few
times years ago who's remained a friend, Brian, he texted
me last night to see if I could come to Necto, but I didn't
have time to get dressed AND walk there. If I'd had the car
it would have been worth the trip.

I have an appointment on Wednesday with Community
Health to see about a shrink. I hope it helps.

   posted by Bald Jason at 10:01 AM
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