Sunday, November 27, 2011

I miss my computer. Still on my phone.

Friday, Wes turned down his movie and I slept a bit
but my stomach was still horrible. I still went to
Aaron's show with his mother, whom I adore. The
company was welcomed and the show was
wonderful; I cried. After the show Mary Ellen
(Aaron's mom) headed home as she wasn't feeling
well. Aaron & I hung out with the cast at a local
tavern where I ate too much yet managed to keep it
all down. I slept at his place after we watched the
extended cut of "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves",
which was a bit odd. I love the theatrical version
and saw it 6 times in theaters...and some of. The new
scenes filled in blanks I'd long suspected but others
seemed pointless...I'd have preferred a cut
somewhere inbetween the two.

Aaron left for his shows on Saturday and I cleaned
up his room a bit before going to Riteaid, Kroger,
Little Caesars and home. I managed to keep more
food down. I napped. I read. I was gonna jerkoff
but my roomie Mark got home and I felt odd. Lol. I
shaved and showered then worked on figuring out
Doctor Who for a few hours while Mark watched DS9
in his room. I may have cracked Who...we'll see.
Aaron called and asked if he could come over to do
laundry and hang out which Mark was cool with.
Mark and I had a really great talk...I like him as a
person and I think we could be great friends.

Aaron arrived and we got the laundry thing sorted
and were about to play a card game called Wizard
when Wes (Mark's boyfriend) got home a bit drunk
from the bar which changed the mood. I like Wes
and he's cool most of the time...he's sort of brilliant
and crazy all at once. But the mood of the night
shifted when he arrived...we still had some fun...but
Aaron was a bit more bitchy and Mark was clearly
hurt by some of Wes's behavior. I worry about all 3
of them, honestly. All 4 of us really.

We played a game of eucher then went to bed. It
felt good to have Aaron here. I slept well. I woke a
few times (when Wes and then Mark got up for work)
and Aaron left about an hour ago. He's coming back
tonight. Not sure what I'll get up to today. I may
post my Doctor Whoniverse thoughts in a bit.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:01 PM
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I finally finished reading Murder of Angels. It was a
good read...though like most of the author's work I
have no clue what just happened except that it pretty
much wrapped up everything from Silk...and I doubt
there will be another sequel, which is fine. Not sure
what I'll read next. It takes me forever to read a
book these days.

Mark B is home but I've not spoken to him. I might
do some laundry and take a bath. Maybe. I ate
earlier and my stomach was a bit upset. Blah. I hate
typing on the phone.

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:23 PM
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I took a candlelit bath and took half a xanax. I just
sort of feel the weight of all the change of late. I
feel like my whole life with Mark A was just some
freaky dream and I'm waking up with none of the
support that I dreamt that I had. I'm ok. I know
this. I have a roof over my head and friends... But
my stomach is regressing me to crazy child me who
can't make sense of all that's happened except to
think I'm being punished by my father's angry god.
I'm trying to snap out of it. No more cutting and no
more death...but it's like I'm split down the middle
and one part of me is strong and one part is
broken...but I couldn't tell you which side is which.

I need to start looking for a job but without my
computer it's hard to apply at places right now...and
part of me is terrified...while the other part is scared
but putting on a brave face.

Aaron should be here soon.

   posted by Bald Jason at 06:13 PM
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Aaron & I watched "The Matrix" then "The
Animatrix" though I slept through much of the latter
as my pills made me very sleepy. I feel a bit odd
now. I might eat. Not sure.

   posted by Bald Jason at 11:34 PM
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   Monday, November 28, 2011

Ate..kept the food down though it was a struggle.
Watched "The Matrix Reloaded" which I've always
enjoyed...it's the 3rd film which drops the ball in my
opinion.

I hate my stomach.

Time to sleep though I'm not sure I can lay down
without getting sick.

   posted by Bald Jason at 02:17 AM
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So today begins my job search...only not quite.
Lacking a computer sucks on so many levels...and
this job thing is just one of them. I did contact Mark
& DJ about using them as references; DJ said that I
absolutely could and Mark hasn't gotten back to me.
Aaron might be able to help me get a job at
Starbucks...and Mark said the mall is hiring "Winter
Help". Just about anything would be helpful at this
point.

Aaron is stopping by later to pick up his laundry but
probably not until after 9PM.

I really want to make lists of things...but typing
things out with 2 fingers on my phone's keypad isn't
any fun at all...and I wrote some on paper the other
day and my hands cramp up. I want my computer
back now.

Mark & I talked today and though I've asked him a
million times to not mention Gen to me he did. He
did the other day too and I think I need to just give
up on that for now. :-(

   posted by Bald Jason at 03:09 PM
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I'm rereading "The Thief of Always". My stomach is
killing me. Oh. And I'm horny. I've not cum in what
seems like ages. I'm gonna see if Mark can work on
my computer and I can maybe get some
crazybread...and maybe some pushpins so I can hang
my posters over my windows?

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:15 PM
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   Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Mark fixed my computer last night (THANKS!) though the N
Drive, which contains tons of my stuff, did not work out,
which leaves us scrambling to find alternatives.

I'm EXHAUSTED. My stomach was a nightmare last
night...except to have a nightmare I'd have to sleep which I
simply couldn't do. Then when I could sleep I had to get
ready to go to therapy; I need to be there in about 20
minutes. I may sleep afterward and then take something to
help me sleep tonight. I don't know. I do know that if I don't
sleep my stomach will only get worse and I can't afford that
to happen. I'm trying very hard to not be depressed about it
but I'm not quite getting there.

   posted by Bald Jason at 12:08 PM
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Therapy went well, I think. I need to get some sleep if I can. I
have to meet Aaron and my roomies at karioke tonight, then
I'm staying with Aaron. On Wednesday I have to take Mark to
an appointment, and that way I'll already be in Ann Arbor.
Sounds like it could work. Doesn't do much for my job search
though.

   posted by Bald Jason at 01:52 PM
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