Friday, May 8, 2009

To get Mark to stop talking to me while I was writing this he wanted me to write that I love him to death. Of course later he shouted out to me anyways...and later still attempted to come into my room (Me: "Get out.", Mark: smile. "Fine.") I don't mind talking to Mark (and I often love it), but when I'm writing in my blog I like to not be distracted. And I know that he knows me well enough that he probably won't be offended when I tell him I'm writing and I need to be on my own...which is nice - and something I like about our friendship.

I got to sleep around 3pm on Thursday. I woke up several times but always went back to bed, determined to get 8 full hours. I did get 8 hours. I got up around 12:30am today I think.

Michael and I are on a break. Just for me to get my head wrapped around everything I'm feeling. We've been going SO FAST. And my heart is totally there, but my brain hasn't caught up and I need time to get there. I called a time out, which I wouldn't have done if I didn't want this to last...because I'm afraid it will all fall apart if I don't take care of this odd disconnect between my head and my heart. I feel good about this decision; it feels honest and adult.

Only thing is, HUGE DRAMA has broken out in Michael land. His roomie (and ex-bf) Scott, who is generally an asshole anyways, finally crossed the line and got in Michael's face. He wouldn't get out of Michael's way so Michael tried to push passed him, and Scott punched him. Michael called the cops. Scott fled the scene. Then Scott called Michael's boss and lied to them saying that Michael has been stealing from work (but if that's true then his bank account would surely show this activity and Michael's bills, which Scott seldom helps with though he's the cause of much of them, would be paid - but they're not). Now everything is in disarray. Scott's car is in Michael's name - meaning that Scott probably just lost his car and his place to live - I knew he was stupid, but does he have to be that stupid? But Scott probably has squatter's rights, so Michael should be giving him a 30 days notice of eviction in writing...right? And Michael has to work (Scott hasn't worked in 2 years while Michael has supported him) - and Scott can totally fuck with things while he's at work. Michael is having trouble walking (Scott punched him in the side - fucking coward). If Michael needs character witnesses he just needs to call in his friends who mostly hate Scott. Michael's sister hates Scott. And while I didn't hate him until now, Mark & I have both seen the way he behaves and I've heard so much from so many people that I suspected that trouble was on the horizon. He's just an idiotic asshole. And...did I mention that he's really unattractive? Not ugly per say, but on the cusp of creepy, and dragged over the edge by his horrible personality.

All of this leaves me feeling pretty helpless though. I don't know that there's anything that I can do. I keep thinking of him alone in his house and it's killing me. But if I went out there, I can't lock my car cause there's a problem with the locks which means my car would be open on the street with Scott crazy and pissed off. And if I had Michael come over here then the house would be unguarded and I don't trust Scott to not steal stuff or plant evidence against the crazy story he's got going for Michael (because I really do think he's that psychotic). And if Michael does come here and we solve all this I'll still be all confused about us as a couple, but if I don't do anything there might not be anything left of Michael to go back to.

My advice to Michael would be to talk to his manager and let them know that he knows an investigation is happening and that he wants to cooperate; that he has nothing to hide. That his accounts will demontrate that he never stole money, and that his roomie (who some people at his work are friends with) is bitter that he's alone, and just a bitch in general - and that he's lashing out at Michael as a final act of stupidity.

If anything good comes out of this, it will be that Scott is gone. He's been nothing but a stressful annoyance to Michael for years now, with only occasional bits of support coming from him, probably in his saner moments in which he realized that if it weren't for Michael, he'd be on the street. I don't understand that guy. And I doubt he undestands himself. It wouldn't surprise me if he was borderline schizophrenic - which could obviously make him dangerous...and could explain his recent behavior.

I feel I should be cleaning. But I don't have the energy or the direction. Also, just about everyone I know is super excited to see (or has already seen) the new Star Trek movie that opened at 7pm yesterday - which is gettin rave reviews! And I find myself kind of so wrapped up in this other drama that I can't be bothered with it. Paul Bukowski once told me that he wanted to see this movie with me, but I've not heard from him in weeks. Makes me wonder if he had been hoping to date me again, or possibly just fuck me. Oh well.

I've been throwing up today. It's nothing to get worried over, and it's not intentional. But my doctor suggested restricting the number of pills I take, and we decided that I'd not take them when I wasn't planning on going out or didn't have company. That way I wouldn't gross anyone out (but myself) and it would lower the risk of me getting this other horrible condition. It's not fun. It's really disgusting and really uncomfortable, but it's also 2nd nature after suffering that way nearly 24/7 for 7 long years. So there's that.

My ass is still on fire. I had a really horrific encounter earlier in the week that I don't want to discuss...but which made things far worse for me...and I'm not happy about that at all. It was all very...nightmarish. I just want to recover from the whole thing and go back to being fun Jason.

I'm still stuck on Zelda. And I'm stuck in a spot that I find the game play to be extremely NOT fun. So I'm not playing it anymore, or at least not until I change my mind. lol. It's just a terrible spot in the game. If I had friends that played it, who lived near by, and would let them beat this part for me because it hurts my head to think about it. Ugh. I'm back to playing Wii Tennis & Wii Bowling. My bowling average has started to SUCK; I may soon lose my pro status. My tennis playing has gotten better, but I'm nowhere near pro status.

One good thing happened in the last 24 hours, aside from the sleeping. I jacked off today, and had what might be the best orgasm I've had in...ever. That's not to say I haven't had amazing sex, because I have; some of it even recently. But sometimes masturbation is just better. Not all the time. But sometimes it's just perfect...and this time was. And I wouldn't have expected it to be... It was just a random 20 minutes of perfection. And I'm grateful for that. lol

   posted by Bald Jason at 05:58 AM
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