Sunday, May 24, 2009

Saturday, I woke up with a slight headache, that got worse and worse as the day went on. In that time I read a bunch of reviews for 'Caprica' making me want to watch it again, but I'd loaned it out to Bryan, so I gave him a call to see if I could drop by and pick it up. He was out with his Dad (who's visiting Michigan for the first time since 1976) & Chris, but said he'd call me when they were close to home.

The headache got MUCH worse. I had taken some generic pain killer earlier (I've been hoarding my Midrin), but was forced to bring out the big guns, as looking at any bright light was killing me. I slept for about an hour, in which I missed the call from Bryan.

Eventually my painkiller kicked in, even though I could still feel that the headache was there, it wasn't as troublesome; this was a monster migrain. I was so doped up that I could no longer drive, which I was disappointed by as I still wanted to get 'Caprica' so Mark offered to drive me. Bryan was no longer home though, so we needed to kill some time, so we got some minor grocery items and then went to Little Caesars where I ate the best pizza I've had in ages. I took a final Midrin during my meal and that eventually killed the headache, thank Joss!!!

After LC, we drove out to Bryan's apartment complex to wait as according to his timetable we'd be getting there about the same time, or shortly after them. They weren't there though, and I left him a message. Mark & I talked to our friend Carrie on speaker phone while we waited. My headache was completely gone by this time, though I was still flying high. Eventually Carrie had to go, but right then Bryan & company got home so that was fine.

Bryan was in good spirits, as not only is his dad in town, but he has 5 days off from his job, which he loathes. I didn't want to intrude on his visit, and only meant to get 'Caprica' and leave, but Robert had supposed to have joined them for Euchre, but had backed out at the last second, so they needed a fourth player, and invited us to stay.

Bryan's father Fico(? - he's Peruvian) was cool. He took the gay thing in stride and we all got along very well. The Eurchre and the friendship and conversation were just what I needed, and left me feeling like the day which had started out feeling stolen and wasted was working out after all. It was great to see Bryan in such a good mood, and Mark & Chris and Bryan's dad...it was just a perfect moment.

I texted Michael to share this moment with him, so he wouldn't worry that I was on my own, or that my headache was still bothering me (we spoke briefly, earlier that day); he responded that he was jealous. I thought he was being playful. I took a break from the cards, so I could jump on Chris's computer to harvest my farm, and that's when Michael texted me back, going into this mad jealous rant (that I won't go into detail about here per his request:) ending with him asking me to keep this to myself - only I was reading the message outloud to Chris and Bryan, expecting the message to read as something about how much he loves me. So that was upsetting, and embarassing, and very nearly killed my fun for the night. Bryan & Chris were cool and handled it as true friends would, supporting me, Michael, and Mark, and not judging, and this brought me back from the brink of a staggering depression. It haunted my thoughts now & again the rest of the evening / morning, but for the most part I didn't let it spoil my mood.

When we eventually called it a night after much fun, with tired irritated (from Cats) eyes - Bryan mentioned a BBQ at his mothers today, and invited us to join. When we got home, I read some messages and then went to bed. I had some messages on my phone from Michael, but wasn't sure I could respond, so put it off.

I woke up around 6am. My stomach was slightly upset, but not terribly so. That passed in due course. There was another text from Michael, but it was at about 3am or something, so I figured he was probably asleep now. I contemplated taking a bath. I could hear Mark playing his video game downstairs (which he'd started playing when we got home) and worried that I'd woken him, but it turned out that he played it all night.

I read the news, and worked on my farm, and found this cool Doctor Who thing that you can see at the end of this entry. Mark was getting ready for bed, and asked if Michael was joining us for the BBQ, but Michael had texted that he wouldn't be back until 5 or 6, and the BBQ is at 2, so I told Mark that he couldn't make it. Mark asked me to wake him up about 1pm. But he has an alarm clock, which I pointed out, and I'm just planning on sleeping as long as I can, and if I wake up in time we'll got to the BBQ and if not, then we'll skip it.

I don't know what I'm going to say to Michael. We obviously have to talk, but I don't feel like talking at the moment, and I didn't feel like it last night. I can understand his feelings to a degree, and in many respects I share them - and we both have reasons for the way we feel. But at some point you have to allow for the fact that your partner is going to do things without you and if you can't trust them then it's pointless being together. I mean, thinking about Michael going away for the weekend with a bunch of other gay men (some of whom harbor desires for him) wasn't easy for me with my history of men that cheat while telling me they won't, but I came to the conclusion that either he will or he won't, and I have to be there with him at all times making sure that he won't, that I'd be better off alone; that's not the kind of relationship I want. He will cheat or he won't cheat and there's nothing I can do about it. And the reverse is also true, but last night we were off kilter, with his jealous streak throwing us off balance, because I was trusting him, and he wasn't trusting me - and he almost ruined a night of joyful friendship... And his reaction is making me question some of things he has told me... I don't blame him for having certain feelings, but what he chooses to do with them in relation to me is now irking me. I don't feel like writing about this anymore. I'm going back to bed.

But first...A Doctor Who / Torchwood Treat with absolutely ZERO spoilers for upcoming episodes:

   posted by Bald Jason at 07:48 AM
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